The song ... "WE MUST PRAISE"
is dedicated to my UNCLE ~
WILLIAM "BILL" WEBB, Detroit, Michigan
& to my cousin "Lish"
"Cous' get with it & share those godly gifts more. Don't stifle yourself. DO YOUR JOB, ARTIST!"
WE MUST PRAISE!
Song By J Moss
"If I were a drummer, I would use my cymbals"....
IF I WERE A WRITER, I WOULD USE MY PENCIL.
I would use my voice, if I were a singer
NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT WE ARE WE MUST PRAISE."
If was a Doctor, I would use my research.
A prolific dissertation, if I was a speaker.
I would use my hands, if I were a Potter.
No matter who or what were are, we must praise
And let the people of God bless,
Let his praises ring with
Le them ring in Love and truth.....
With our gifts we exalt thee,
Merciful, Wonderful, God."
"Do your job writer!" Uncle Bill said to me about a month ago, when he was much healthier. "Do your job and write. Write 100%, full capacity. Some people (in the family) don't understand your writing. They don't know why you write like you do." (Along with writing inspirational, encouraging poetry and short stories, I've written about the dark side of my life. I've written about the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I sustained as a child by the hands of my mother and 3 of my 4 brothers.) Uncle Bill went on to say, "If you do your job half way, then they will half way understand it. You...have something to say. You have a whole lot of something to say about whatever. I can't tell you what it is, but
I know I need (been meaning) to tell you this. So say it! And don't hold nothing back!"
When Uncle Bill heard that my son was a passionate writer too, he said
"good, he can learn too". And he looked over at me as best he could while laying in his hospital bed. And said, "I hope you hear me."
What Uncle Bill didn't know was I was struggling with my writing at the time he said this. I was questioning it's purpose for one thing! But when you feel God telling you to do something, to your benefit, its best to be obedient and do it! I heard "write your feelings down" all those years ago. Nearly two years ago, Inside of myself, I heard, "write articles". I waited and I didn't know anything about a "blog". I even questioned "what would I write that somebody would read and need?" See, folks. The idea of writing like I have been came for somewhere else.
prayed, for two months until the answer of how to do it, what to write them all fell into place. See, God's word doesn't change! My uncle was on to something. I was struggling and because it was him just out to the blue like that...It got my attention.
Today, I went to see him again, this time Uncle Bill can't speak too much. He cant' sit up. He looks very, different. Not the wide eyed, lively figure I was just speaking to not so long ago. This time, I spoke to him, held his hand, leaned in and told him I will do what he said." I will "do my job." The weird thing, it really isn't! At least, not the kind of job you thinking. Up to this point, besides dispensing numerous amounts of my first books several years ago, I haven't gotten paid for what I'm doing. Writing for me is out of obedience and appreciation.
In our last conversation, I told my Uncle I am a Christ follower. A sound Believer in God and his principles, which is how I live my life and teach my son. Because of my faith system, is how I write what I write about! I write about God being real! I write about issues that concern Men,Women and children, all of society! I write things that challenge, inspire, comfort, things that also add wisdom and power to ones life. I do that by using my own experiences as well as those of around me! It is not my intent to glamorize or keep dredging up my past and abuse. Inspite of my past, I am a tough, kind, loving, forgiving, smart, brave gifted, child f God who understands purpose and Destiny! I also understand that because God had use of me later in my life, (if only to make the way for healing to the line of people whose blood runs through my veins) something and someone was trying to destroy me when I was young, but I'M STILL HERE! And Jesus, by the might of God has given me the blessed gifts and tools of a passionate, compassionate, strong heart, sound mind, along with the ability of writing and speaking to be sued for mine and somebody else's benefit." Because I hadn't been around much, he hadn't a chance to see and know these things for himself. So, I wonder, when my uncle called me out as a Writer, what did he know?
Why was he so given over to saying that to me about my writing? Especially considering, like I said, I haven't gotten paid for writing what I present to you all! Many people have not yet even heard of me! And by gifting and opportunity, I am a Professional Story Teller and Public Speaker at a local venue. I write in my own time without fanfare! But I view my writing as a gift from God, because I remember how it came to me, this ability! It was a gift to me first to FIND MY VOICE and be free. Through writing, I found my way! Writing has also become my way of celebrating God, the fact that he loves me and is so mindful of me. I celebrate speaking out of instead of quietly letting life run over me. But my uncle said he didn't know all of this about me. So what did he know? And why would he say what he said?
See Dear Reader, my uncles strong, odd words of encouragement really was saying something to me! It's not like my uncle and I spoke often. In fact, I hadn't spoken to him since last March, 2010 at a family birthday party. And not much more before that! No fault of his. The fault was mine. As I got older, the more I stayed away from my entire family line because of the abuse by my mother and 3 of my brothers. The questions, the stares, the rumors, the gossip, the condemnation relatives bestowed upon me without knowing the full truth! It got worse when I got older. The ridicule, the hurt, the whispering followed me at every family reunion, family wedding, family BBQ, or house gathering and family relationship I tried participate in. Rather than focus on the child molesters, the rapist and neglectful parent that still sits amongst them at family reunions and such, the attention was hoisted onto my shoulders as the problem. What can a 5 year old do to entice any body especially a brother want to have sex with them?
I later learned that my brother Verdon "Donnie" was using me to hurt my mother and Dad. I was a pawn for their hurt. Iv'e since come to understand that "HURTING PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE." Healthy Joyful people don't hurt others. They spread Joy and health which is the other side of hurt, misery and pain. You give what is inside of you to give. You can't give that which you don't have! Donnie is the one who turned my other two brother s on me. My mother hated me for her own reasons. After my Dad left her, "I remember her telling me,
"You look just like him. He spoiled you. You was his baby girl."
When I was a kid, my mother and my brothers all told me "I was nothing," That my life was a waste and nobody would ever love me. I was 11 years old, when my oldest brother David, surrounded by two of my other brothers James and Dede, had me put my fingers around one of my breast on the outside of my shirt and measure. Then, he told me this. He said, " You will be just like Mom, a prostitute. Nothing! You are going to have many children and your life will be a waste." I just stared in disbelief and tears started to stream down my face. I stared at all of them , but particularly, my oldest brother David, because to me, my oldest brother had been my hero, JUST BECAUSE he never came into my room or touched me like the others did.
The lies my mother and brothers told over the years were relentless. The deeds my mother did to cover their own fiendish acts of physical, emotional and sexual abuse that started when I was 5 years old and continued through age of 12. I fought off two of my brothers until I was 15. The neglect by my mother ended when I was 15, when she put me in the hospital and the hospital rescued me from her. But as an adult, for forgiveness sake I let them in again. It was THEE WORST MISTAKE, I've ever mad IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! It cost my son grief as well. So, now that I'm older, stronger, wiser, better so much better, I have nothing to do with my immediate family. There are some people that you get a peace about letting go of! But unfortunately, other relatives became casualties of the pain as well. My uncle and I never got to talk about that specifically in our last conversation. I only go to say, it was my pain that form growing up the way I did, surrounded by who I was surrounded by, that now gave me the strength to move on. Unfortunately, my uncle, my son and I missed out on each other. My son hardly knows anybody in our blood line. I wanted to protect him form the stuff he would hear and have him grow to know his mother on his own. I failed! I wasn't strong enough to keep him away form the main ones, I needed most to protect him from!
Not having the memories with my uncle that many were speaking of yesterday at the hospital, all I have is this. The last conversation and the promise I made to him while he laid there suffering. So, that's what makes what he said to me a month ago, all the more intriguing and sweet! I will do my best in getting in doing my job in my writing. But to please God, not my uncle. For some reason though, Uncle Bill felt the need to say what he did. Of all the things he could have said to me. Why he said what the did, in that moment of his life? I went to see him after my Aunt told me he was in the hospital and he called my name. (When you are separated from our family, you miss out on things. Sometimes, for whatever reason, those that can contact me, don't always. Usually, I find stuff out months or years later). That's an inevitable result of losing family. Anyway, he called some others too that he wanted to see, but the fact remains...he called out mine too!
He spoke of my son and he got to see us both. All three of us were much better after that visit. He got to tell us what was on his mind for us. My son, Brad and I are both very glad we went to see him! My Uncle said "WRITER DO YOUR JOB! MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING." I don't know why he said that?
I also don't know what is to come of what I have so boldly written, without shame in what started out be a tribute to my Uncle! I don't know. I don't know,
But to God be the Glory!
On 3/18/2011 I GOT THE MESSAGE THIS MORNING that at 4:15 AM,
My Uncle Bill PASSED AWAY.
In that same conversation with him a month ago, he also told me and my son Brad,
"Don't have regrets" Whatever it is that you need to do, DO IT!
Wherever it is that you said you want to go, GO THERE!".
No matter how small or big the thing is that you want to do, DO IT! Because time will run out on you.
Have no regrets!"
"No matter who and what we are,WE MUST PRAISE."
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