The last 2 weeks for 'TEEN SPEAK", I have written about Teens and loneliness, which affects many young people on a daily bases and many adults as well! This is an especially important topic for teens and young people (college age) alike because often times because of their youth, often times adults don't take seriously the situations that concern them. Many times, though too late, is when we "begin" to see and accept that there was a problem. I want to avoid the "THOUGH TO LATE, PART". I want to use this column to talk about things that directly affect the youth, on their level and bring it out in the open. I'll write about the subject, give some insight and hopefully it will help someone turn their lives around for the better. Or at least, to promote positive thinking on their part! So without further adu, I am continuing this series of "TEENS AND LONELINESS" with part 3. Part 1 was posted on February 1, 2010 & part 2 was posted on March 5, 2010.
Teens, like many adults, experience loneliness, but it is usually temporary. Then, there are some teens like some adults, who experience "chronic" or long lasting loneliness! Either way, both types of loneliness can prove to be troubling. Chronic loneliness can last for much longer periods of time though and can cause major problems which can lead to depression and suicide. BOTH of these reactions CAN BE stopped and helped! So, DON'T GIVE UP OR GIVE IN!
Can I say it anymore strongly? YOU ARE PRECIOUS! AND ...
Anyone who tells you different is a liar!!!!
Reader, understand that living, involves difficulties including failures, but it also involves successes and victories! You'll find though, that as you go on your life's journey, if you allow yourself, you will be better equipped to handle certain difficulties as you face them! That's the great thing about being young, this is where a lot of the growing, developing including strengthening, takes place! You are being prepared for who you will be! So take heart.
A lot of the learning takes place while you are young to get you ready for what's ahead in your later years! So, stay strong , you 'll get through it. And unfortunately, sometimes loneliness is also apart of life, but it doesn't have to be destructive to you! Live, learn and be successful in your living! Don't allow yourself to be tricked or your trick yourself into thinking that problems such as loneliness have strength or the final say over you! Problems have a solution or way of escape! Live long enough to find both the positive and best solutions for you! Problems come to test and build character. Problems come to teach and educate. Problems some to strengthen. Some problems we cause for ourselves, some are heaped onto us! Either way, whether self inflicted or heaped onto us, Both kind have been and can continue to be survivable! I HOPE YOU HEARD ME DEAR, VALUABLE YOUTH!
Back to loneliness, especially chronic loneliness. In dealing with this, like dealing with all problems, you need to get to the "root cause" of the matter. Stop and think, (seriously now). This may even take awhile for you to figure it out, but stop and think about how you got this way! For example, you are lonely because...you have low self esteem. Meaning, you don't like yourself very much. So therefore, you may thinking, "if I don't like myself then how can anyone else like me." See, that's what I mean by Self-Esteem, (What you think of yourself) and having negative thoughts about yourself can be the Root Cause for your loneliness. So, in this case, getting to the root cause involves you investigating "why you don't like yourself!"
Maybe someone you love or loved, (it could be your parent, grandparent, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, brother, sister, whoever you trusted), abandoned you or told you negative things about how THEY saw you! And that my friends, could be the root of the root cause! See roots run deep. The word root has several meanings but in this case: A root is the origin or source. It is the anchor or fixed base (from which something else stems and springs forth). A root is the heart or central core. You want to fix a problem, you might have to go directly to the source, the root! The root being the reason why the problem is a problem in the first place!
For example: You want to know why your sink is stopped up? Maybe you have to check the pipes in order to find out what's plugging it up because 'Drano' isn't working!
Example number 2: You want to know why your student is failing, distracted or a trouble maker! STOP SPECULATING and ASSUMING! Depending on the situation and the kid, you may not be able to get the information from them! Go to the source! See, many kids often times won't divulge what's going on at home. REMEMBER! They have loyalties first to their family. That's MOM and Dad! Or Grandpa and Grandma! That's Big Brother or Big Sister or Uncle John! THIS IS FAMILY! Everybody else is secondary after family, no matter what's going on! YOU REALLY don't know how deep the situation goes. I knew of a kid, who was abused BY some of THEIR OWN FAMILY, and they didn't tell until they were grown because some of the relatives involved threatened to KILL this kid DEAD if they told! But there were clues! There were clues, but the clues were ignored by MOST ADULTS around this kid!
So, you want to know because you care? Maybe you should Go to the home (following protocol of course!) But when children are involved, sometimes you just gotta take action! I've heard too many adults in my life time say, "Aw that's tragic, or sorry to hear, but I can't involved! or "Why didn't someone do something?" Why didn't YOU do something about it? Sometimes, I've found, some of these adults get on the news after a tragedy, and say things like "I had a feeling" or I had heard or seen...". Maybe they didn't have ALL of the details, but
they knew something was wrong!
The worst thing we can do for children, young people dealing with loneliness or any other crisis ...is to ignore it! Moving on!
SHYNESS.
Shyness is a major link to loneliness.
Some people may mistake shyness for being "cold" or "stuck up," but shyness is really about fear and feeling self-conscious (or feeling intimidated)! Know this,
Fear is a hindrance not a gift!
Fear can paralyze you, preventing you from moving forward towards a positive outcome in any situation! In the case of shyness leading to loneliness, the fear in shyness can further isolate you, preventing you from opening up to others. Perhaps you are experiencing trouble approaching strangers that you may want to befriend, but have trouble doing so! Maybe making eye contact and small talk is difficult for you! When around certain people, do you feel embarrassed, get "tongue tied", talk nervously or talk too much or lose your composure all together? These may be symptoms of shyness, fear and self-consciousness. Don't worry!
These are normal feelings and can be overcome.
Understand that "shyness does not describe who or what you are , but instead describes your behavior." You predict a negative outcome with people and the outcome you predicted, manifests because you acted in accordance with what you thought was going to happen! " I knew he / she wasn't going to like me". Well, How did you help that along?
"Cause sometimes we do! Sometimes it is because of us! Some times we sabotage potential friendship encounters ourselves, by being annoying by talking to much, being a show off or know it all, being cocky, or just not being friendly. And the #1 rule for making friends is... you ready for this? "You must first show yourself friendly."
Sometimes it doesn't work with who and when you want, but most times it does! When it does not work, don't take it personal because EVERYBODY is not going to like you , for whatever reason! Who knows why! The reasons, sometimes aren't even worth knowing especially if you KNOW you were kind, pleasant and easy going around them! Again I say, "Don't take it personal! People can be strange! But know who are, be the best you, you can be and trust me, friends will come along! They'll be cool people, you know!
Readers, I thought I would finish this in 3 articles, but I was wrong. There is still much to be said about 'Teens and Loneliness, including the shy aspect of it. So,
I'll be back next week with Part 4.
Love ya! See ya, Meetta
