TeEn SpEaK- CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS

Readers,

this column focuses on what directly affects our youth. Today's topic is:

CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS

"Alcoholism in the home has long lasting affects. Children of alcoholics often learn to cope with unhappy childhoods in ways that cause problems for them much later in life. Learning about how alcoholism affected your past can help you to make sure your future is better!"

Childhood Characteristics, Beliefs & Patterns

Children of alcoholics often act in some of the following ways;

~They may become super-responsible, like a miniature adult.

~They become a trouble-maker.

~They become able to adjust to any change, without noise or fuss.

~ They become a family clown or peacemaker, smoothing over trouble.

Children are resilient!

"Children of alcoholics often believe that they are all alone, that no other families have these problems, or that it is up to them to cure the parent. A child may take the blame for a parent's alcoholism --or the parent may blame the child." Either way, " as a result, many children of alcoholics not only feel unloved, but unlovable. Some of them suffer physical or sexual abuse, which reinforces this feeling. And because life at home is full of disappointments, broken promises, and lies, the child learns not to trust, not get to too close to anyone, and hot to communicate in healthy ways."

Problems In Adult Life

It's a sad truth, but "adult children of alcoholics often retain their childhood patterns. ~The super-responsible child may grow into an adult who demands perfectionism. ~The child who was the family's scapegoat may have legal or financial troubles throughout life. ~The child who used to adjust to anything may be passive and withdrawn as an adult. And the family clown may grow up to be entertaining, but irresponsible.

An adult child of an alcoholic may be anxious, may try to control event and relationships, may have trouble being intimate, may be chronically depressed, or have stress-related health problems. Tragically, many children of alcoholics either become chemically dependent themselves or marry alcoholics."

*It's what they're used to! As heart breaking as that sounds.

How To Help Or Get Help

If you know a child living in an alcoholic home, try doing these things:

* Gently encourage the child to talk about life, and listen well.

* Invite the child to an outing, or offer a quiet place to do homework.

* Encourage the child to think of people who would be understanding and helpful in hard times--perhaps a teacher, friend, relative or neighbor.

* If the parent drinks and drives, give the child your phone number and offer to come pick him up.

* Suggest checking the library for books about alcoholism, or attending Ala-teen. Give the child the phone number and offer a rid tot he first meeting, at least.

* Tell the child that he or she cannot cause, control or cure the parent's drinking.

* Tell the child that alcoholism is a disease, and its okay to love the parent but hate the disease.

"If you grew up with an alcoholic parent: There are helpful people who understand that being in that kind of situation can present to you, a lonely difficult experience that can affect your lifetime."

~find out more about alcoholism and its effects on family members of alcoholics. Contact Al-Anon for information on special groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics, or ask your employee assistance program for referrals to other helpful programs.

* Talk about your feelings and experiences with friends, relatives, people in 12-step programs or health professionals.

* Remember, you didn't cause your parent's drinking, and no one but the parent had any chance of controlling it or curing it!

Children are resilient,

but they still need and deserve to be protected!