is where topics that directly concern teenagers, young adults are presented. I will have "Youth Correspondents" to provide ideas for topics of discussion that directly affects the youth! This column will also be used as an outlet for the young people where they can write in with their thoughts. All comments will be subject to editing, particularly because of the use of certain vocabulary, as I am mindful that we live in a time in which the vocabulary has greatly become..."challenged."
*Editors Note; I have to apologize to all of you who have been looking forward to the TEEN SPEAK column and realized it has not been posted since it's introduction article in August of 2009. Please, forgive me.
So, What's on the menu of topic choices for today?
Ah! I' m glad you and I are on the same page. We were both wondering the same thing! the topic is "TROUBLED TEENS."
As a parent to a 19 year old genius! I'm smiling. Every child is GREAT at something! May not be what YOU want them to be great at, but hey everyone has their own set of special gifts!
Because my son shares many of his thoughts with me, (a bond that was established because of our single family situation. He shares his thoughts about himself, his peers, what some of them are dealing with, his goals, frustrations. He even shares his stories with me! He is a very talented writer of Science Fiction and has started to get rave reviews from a small, but growing fan base! Even his English Instructor has forwarded some of his writings to an "EXPERT" for encouragement and guidance for my son.
In any case, because of my son in particular, I am well aware of some of the problems that the youth of today are unfortunately faced with. Especially when you consider all of the "added" problems that WE as parents, put on them! In my son's case, single parenthood was forced upon him. He didn't ask for that and neither did I, but a single parent family is what we both ended up with! On top of that, his Dad refused regular support or participation in our son's life.
That, in itself caused my son unnecessary added stresses of life! Dealing with that confusion also caused him to have to grow up faster. Like a lot of other kids in these kinds of situations, my son had to become more responsible sooner! For example, he had to stay home with himself on the days I had to go to work and didn't get home 'til a few hours after he got out of school. The summer time, Easter Break and other Non-school days were the hardest times for us. All this started taking place when he was as young as 10, because I couldn't get or most times I couldn't afford a baby sitter! My family is not a close, nor highly supportive and cooperative family. So, help always came in spurts.
Still, that one particular hardship, having to stay home alone, proved to be a un-pleasant experience for my son! He's 19 now and he still remembers telling me that he was scared most of the time during those hard times, but that he put on a brave face for me! Ay, yi, yi! I can't even explain to you Reader, how that makes me feel. So back then, sometimes, I would just call off work because I didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone like that. But, I couldn't do that often. And it was a really difficult choice to make when I did go to work! It was a very tough thing for the both of us to have to do. But I had limited options, if I wanted to continue working to provide for us both!
Though my son understood the need for the money, he hated the sacrifices that he had to make! It would almost unnerve him at times, when I had to go over security measures with him, like, "Lock the door right behind me," "I'm not expecting anyone, so don't let anyone in", "If you hear a noise or if someone tries to break in, call 911, tell them your FULL name, address, including zip code, that you are home alone and what the trouble is." "Tell them you need to Stay on the phone until they come." "Don't cook anything, there is plenty of food already prepared for you and sandwich stuff stuff is in the fridge." "There is plenty of fruit and easy to open snacks for you."
"So-in-so's phone number is right by the phone in case you get scared and need someone to talk to." "What's my work number?" "Let's go over your address again." I made up a melody for him, with which to sing this information so he'd remember it. Oh! It was horrible to have to drill all of that information and safety measures into my son at such an early age!
When my upstairs neighbor was home, I often would alert him to the situation and ask him to watch out for my son when my son, came home from school. Making sure he got in safely on the days when I had to go to work. My son was not allowed to have company when I was at work. He was not allowed back out side when coming home from school. I figured it was safer to have him indoors than outside without proper supervision. It was lonely for him for a long time! I had taken a day job at this point, but was reduced to making much less money than I made when I I was able to work an over night shift at a previous job, which greatly affected my ability to pay a baby sitter at all! But my single parent status along with lack of support, forced me to make that jump from overnight to day. In any case, it was hard for me to have to grow my son up so fast. It was harder for HIM to have to grow up so fast!
My son, fortunately did not grow up to become a bad kid doing destructive things. He didn't make his mis-fortune into excuses for such behaviour. But so many of the youth in these kinds of situations do! Some turn to idleness, violence, alcohol, drug selling, drug dealing, promiscuity, vandalism, loitering, and hanging around with "the wrong bunch." By telling you a personal example from my home, I just wanted to show you Dear Reader, how we as parents, guardians and other adults can heap a whole lot of extra pressures to our children's lives!
There are things that you can do though. Yes! Prepare your children for the hard knocks of life. Also, LISTEN to them! Let them speak to you freely and openly about how THEY ARE DOING and what THEY are thinking! Don't dismiss their thoughts as unimportant! That is simply not true! Let them know that you care BY LISTENING and even repeating at times, what they are saying so that they know for sure that you have heard them. Don't judge them or be critical of them. Instead, support them through each crisis. Actually, these tips can also be used as preventative measures in stopping such behavior before it even starts. These are some of the things that helped me and my son deal with the tough times that our lifestyle of a low-income, single parent home, brought. So, I know these things work!
No! I know I'm not telling you anything new! At least, for many of you, this information is not new. So for you, I'm just re-iterating useful ways to get through it with your teen. For others, this MAY BE NEW! Some of you may just be storing this information in your mind, for "safe keeping". Perhaps you work with youth. Maybe you are a youth volunteer, a teacher, a concerned neighbor. Either way, what I'm sharing with you has proven to be helpful!
HOW YOU CAN PREPARE
A. Give the teen or young person a stable home base. Make your home a friendly place. Offer praise whenever you can. Assume a positive, helpful attitude, but don't be afraid to be stern when needed. There is a such thing as tough love. But tough love is meant to inspire positive results! It is not meant as an excuse for you, the parent to vent! It also is not suppose to create even MORE problems, like causing the kids behaviour to reverse towards the worse. Parents, teachers, guardians, youth volunteers, the concerned neighbor...when talking to your teens and young people Be mindful of what you are saying and how you are saying it!
This is good isn't it?
Be back soon reader with part 2, Meetta
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