Hey Dear, Reader!
Welcome back! This is part 4, the final installment on the series of Rejection...
"When relationships go awry and children are involved"
...My son, who is 19 now, once told me "Mom, whatever happens between you and Dad affects me! So, do something to make it better...PLEASE!"
I was stumped for WHAT TO DO, Let alone IF I SHOULD DO ANYTHING!
You can't make someone work things out with you.
You can't make them listen OR CARE!
But for MY SONS SAKE and for my own...I embarked on what turned out to be a fruitless journey to make amends with my sons Dad.
THE DAD once told me...
"Because you don't want me, I don't want him!"
Wow!
I could not believe that he let that thought manifest and come out of his mouth! Talk about some hurt!
You can't fight that! Not hurt like that!
Somewhere in his life, that man had to be hurt deep down to his core to say something like disowning his son, and then act upon it!
I am wise enough to know that the hurt he felt wasn't all about me! I know it wasn't!
THAT KIND of hurt comes from somewhere else! Somewhere, somehow, somebody hurt him long before me and he never healed. He just stuffed it down and carried it around. So, when he felt new pain, he unleashed ALL of his pain on the people closest to him. How could I battle something I did not even understand! I didn't know hurt like that! I couldn't fight that battle.
At least, not on my own so, I gave it up to God.
I still keep it in Gods face, if you will. I refuse to take that burden back.
Maybe Dear Reader,
You will come away from this thinking differently about your own family situations. Maybe you will even start to appreciate better what you have! Maybe you will just have more sincere compassion for people who are going through. Maybe, just maybe!
Now, Moving on with the article.
....Rejection hurts ALL of us! Anybody with a heart! So, Can you imagine what rejection does to a child, a young person especially when that rejection comes from a parent? In particular,
for a male child, to have that rejection come from THE DAD?
Do you know what that is like?
So now Reader, about the topic, can you feel what I'm saying to you?
Oh! My son? He is a great person! Well liked, not a trouble maker,
Talks a bit too much at times though! He accepted Christ and striving to live a life as a "True Christian". He takes the Lessons of Christ, to heart!
He enjoys the church communities that we have been in.
He is in school, and in a Businessman entrepreneurial program on his job. Yes! He is working! Per hour, he is making more than Mom does right now. So he is excelling, surpassing the parent, as our seeds should! Your kids are to go further and do better than you!
So it is, as it should be, even at this point! It has to happen some day, why not now when the blessings and opportunities are there to help shape and mold him for the future?
My son is also very creative. He's been writing short stories, songs and poetry for most of his young life. He's a "techy" too!
Whenever I have computer trouble, he's the one I talk to first!
He's not a teenage Dad, gang banger, crazy person, drug abuser, or any such stereotypes you could think of for a single parent kid. So, he is a kid you would think a Dad would want and certainly be proud of!
He certainly is a son that this Mom is grateful for!
Still, the issue is dealing with the hurt of broken relationships, when the hurt is very real and still there even a little. If it was just me, and I never had my son, when a relationship is over, it's over! but when a child is involved then it becomes something else! The child needs provision, nurturing, discipline and also need understanding when it comes to the broken relationship between Mom and Dad. My son wanted to understand HIS PLACE in the middle of us! Unfortunately, His Dad and I were both stubborn, selfish people and was not always looking out for our sons best interest, particularly when the relationship first went bust.
Even quite sometime after, to be honest with you.
It was easier for his Dad though because HE did not have our son to raise! Our son was not in his face 24 hours a day.
So, he didn't witness our sons pain... but I did!
In response to witnessing that pain, I had to face my selfishness and stubbornness as hard as
it was to look in THAT MIRROR! In facing that though, I was was moved to embark on what turned out to be a fruitless journey in trying to make amends with the dad.
Like Rodney King, I thought, WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
I phone calls to the Dad, sent letters, tried to set up meetings with us to sit face to face and talk! I even apologized for the wrongs I caused between us! Even though he never apologized for his! I started shunning those people who told me not to try to resolve this!
THIS WAS NOT THEIR LIFE ! AND CERTAINLY WAS NOT THEIR KID they had to think about! As you can imagine, I dropped a few of supposed "friends"and some family members during this time!
STILL, I keep at it, trying to explain and clear some stuff up. I tried to point out our son's pain making that the issue to focus on! We needed to focus on what WE BOTH were doing and have done to cause that pain in him.
I offered solutions to letting go of our hurt towards each other.
I shared everything I could with the Dad and even answered his questions when he asked them. The last time I tried was 1 1/2 years ago. My son also used to call and visit, trying to establish a relationship with the Dad, and get to a point that he could tell him how he felt.
It didn't work. NOTHING WORKED!
I don't try anymore and neither does our son! Our endeavors were fruitless except for the changes that happened within my son and myself! We are stronger, wiser, closer, more forgiving, patient and loving because of ...experiencing THE DAD!
Still, on this past Monday on November 9Th, our son sat before me on his 19Th birthday and sucked it up, AGAIN! He told me and himself, without looking into my eyes that,
"I KNOW DAD LOVES ME."
"DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW HE DOES!"
Reader, I realize that I have opened myself up to you on a very personal level, BUT
My columns are about informing (educating), inspiring , AND supporting.
And many times, the only real book that some people ever pay attention to
and take from is... the "book" of someone else's, possibly YOURS!
So, without fear, I open up mine to you.
And again, I ask the question Dear Reader,
"When relationships involving children/young people go awry,
How do (did) YOU HANDLE IT?
Also, if you have gained anything positive, from reading this post, what is it?
On extended families, would you ever consider becoming a Foster Parent or adopting?
To comment, click on the pencil at the end of the column.
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