Hello, Dear Readers!
Missed me?
How is your summer going? I hope it is well.
Mine has been busy and has caused for alto for adjusting.
But things are GRAND! Life is good!
I have something new to share with you all. It's about time right? I know.
THIS STATEMENT I POSTED ON FACEBOOK A DAY OR SO AGO, has actually inspired a whole lot of dialogue. I hope you get a chance to read this"
My son said, "Mom I respect U as a person & as a mother. People R as strong as their weaknesses. U operate in strength. I say this in love... truthfully, U scare the hell out of me! A little bit like I'm scared of God. He loves me & U love me... I still remember when I said something (bad) 2 U & was walking out of the apt., U pulled me back, grabbed me, hulking me & put me in a headlock until I listened." :)
That's right, a healthy fear!
A fear bred out of knowing you are loved, cared for, provided for, nurtured, listened to and forgiven. Causing one to recognize and respect authority and the law. Encouraging strength, sharing wisdom and knowledge to arm ones self with so that they may have, seek and seize better opportunities to grow, live a successful, purposed life! Building hope that the child or person may move to a high standard of living, based on morals and integrity and provide guidance to hopefully carry them through this life as safely as possible! Understanding, the fear I speak of is the kind of fear that comes out of a genuine love that comes to prosper and not to harm. A love that promises to give hope and a future. Amen?
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NEW DIALOGUE
I knew the dreaded day would come, when my sweet teenage son would want to assert himself in independence and I would have to muster the courage and stamina to rise to the occasion to make sure it didn't get out of hand with disrespect of me, my house and himself.
This included laying down and upholding the law, of voicing your thoughts and opinions, but no rudeness, back talking, hanging out in the streets with the bad crowds, making babies you are not prepared to take care of, having girls in his room AT MY HOUSE, coming home all times of night, having a know it all smart mouth, telling me what to do (like he's my Dad,) sort of thing. This is the the time in a boys life that "old school" calls, "when a boy starts to smell himself". Puberty has struck and hormones start to influence the the mouth and actions.
A single mother, without ANY STEADY, right help from a loving male... I was left to raise a boy to be a man, on my own. Like many of you! he's 20 now, but I knew the day would come when my then, teenage son would want to assert himself and end up being disrespectful. It was VERY TOUGH! I realized, I couldn't answer every question he had concerning being a male, what he would go through as his body and mind changed, why he had to pee while he stood and why I had to sit. (He asked me the when he was 4 or 5). I realized I had to come form a different angle, if I wanted to be a proactive parent to him as I was the only one he had! I had to figure things out in order to do a fairly decent job of being a mother. Believe me, it was quite a struggle as I dint' have mother I could take ALL knowledge from to help me figure out how to do that!
I realized I COULD NOT TEACH HIM how to be a man, per say, but I realized I COULD and DID TEACH HIM how to properly treat women, and other human beings, how to say NO TO DRUGS, CRIME AND PEER PRESSURE and why that is important. I could teach him that HE IS BEAUTIFUL, special in confidence, not arrogance and that he is ALREADY SOMEBODY!
I could and did teach my male child how A True GENTLEMAN
TREATS WOMEN. That such a man, does not take sex from a woman. He does not seek to dominate a woman, but to accept her for her own distinctive beauty, gifts, talents, and personality. My son KNOWS there is MUCH MORE to a woman than just her outer exterior. He's had the fortune and misfortune of watching me!
He knows not that women are not play things, The pain he may cause by dragging her self esteem, her heart, and reputation through the mud.He understands that REAL MEN do NOT beat, humiliate or destroy ANY WOMAN women or the weak for sport. He's watched certain males in the family and the continuos deep trouble they have caused by their mistreatment of their families and mates!He understands that REAL MEN, take care of those they love! Taking care of their children even if they are not living in the same home!My son understands the pain of abandonment by a parent. He had vowed not to repeat it!
My son knows from my abusive treatment as a child and youth, that brothers protect their sisters and not harm them! I've taught him that a true gentleman and mature adult male, DOES NOT brag or tell "his boys" about the intimate relationship details of his personal life with his girlfriend or wife. I've also taught him NOT TO LET females drag him down, manipulate him or abuse him in any way! I've told him how WE females can be as well!
My son and I, have spoke many times over the years, a mans place in his household and in the world. While it is true that I could not teach my son to be a man, from a man's point of view, I've done my best other wise!
At least my son understands the value of respecting human life, authority and the law. I could and did teach him how to be a decent, respectable, God fearing, intelligent, productive, loving and compassionate human being. I realized I could pass on my strength, wisdom through LIFE LESSONS lessons opening his eyes, HAVING NO USE FOR ROSE COLORED GLASSES, but to see things as they are really happening, to be knowing, vocal and courageous. I leaned to appreciate the gift of communication with my son. AND TO KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN, even when my son tells me something I really don't want to hear! See, if I value him, then I value his thoughts!
I've given my son and opened my son up to knowledge to cause him to be a responsible, person. He knows how to grocery shop (wisely), pay bills, by having him go get the money orders, and pay the landlord, send to DTE etc. He knows about saving money. He's learned how to dress appropriately and speak to people in business, to get his point across and not be cussing, using alot of slang or being belligerent! He's learned how not to let those same people mistreat him as a customer and human being. I've taught him how to apply for jobs, speak to potential employers, how to conduct himself in an interview and on the job. How to interview the potential employer! After all, employment, is both give and take!
TALK TO YA AGAIN SOON!
Meetta
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