MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN - My Son Respects ME!

Hello, Dear Readers!

Missed me?

How is your summer going? I hope it is well.

Mine has been busy and has caused for alto for adjusting.

But things are GRAND! Life is good!

I have something new to share with you all. It's about time right? I know.

THIS STATEMENT I POSTED ON FACEBOOK A DAY OR SO AGO, has actually inspired a whole lot of dialogue. I hope you get a chance to read this"

My son said, "Mom I respect U as a person & as a mother. People R as strong as their weaknesses. U operate in strength. I say this in love... truthfully, U scare the hell out of me! A little bit like I'm scared of God. He loves me & U love me... I still remember when I said something (bad) 2 U & was walking out of the apt., U pulled me back, grabbed me, hulking me & put me in a headlock until I listened." :)

That's right, a healthy fear!

A fear bred out of knowing you are loved, cared for, provided for, nurtured, listened to and forgiven. Causing one to recognize and respect authority and the law. Encouraging strength, sharing wisdom and knowledge to arm ones self with so that they may have, seek and seize better opportunities to grow, live a successful, purposed life! Building hope that the child or person may move to a high standard of living, based on morals and integrity and provide guidance to hopefully carry them through this life as safely as possible! Understanding, the fear I speak of is the kind of fear that comes out of a genuine love that comes to prosper and not to harm. A love that promises to give hope and a future. Amen?

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NEW DIALOGUE

I knew the dreaded day would come, when my sweet teenage son would want to assert himself in independence and I would have to muster the courage and stamina to rise to the occasion to make sure it didn't get out of hand with disrespect of me, my house and himself.

This included laying down and upholding the law, of voicing your thoughts and opinions, but no rudeness, back talking, hanging out in the streets with the bad crowds, making babies you are not prepared to take care of, having girls in his room AT MY HOUSE, coming home all times of night, having a know it all smart mouth, telling me what to do (like he's my Dad,) sort of thing. This is the the time in a boys life that "old school" calls, "when a boy starts to smell himself". Puberty has struck and hormones start to influence the the mouth and actions.

A single mother, without ANY STEADY, right help from a loving male... I was left to raise a boy to be a man, on my own. Like many of you! he's 20 now, but I knew the day would come when my then, teenage son would want to assert himself and end up being disrespectful. It was VERY TOUGH! I realized, I couldn't answer every question he had concerning being a male, what he would go through as his body and mind changed, why he had to pee while he stood and why I had to sit. (He asked me the when he was 4 or 5). I realized I had to come form a different angle, if I wanted to be a proactive parent to him as I was the only one he had! I had to figure things out in order to do a fairly decent job of being a mother. Believe me, it was quite a struggle as I dint' have mother I could take ALL knowledge from to help me figure out how to do that!

I realized I COULD NOT TEACH HIM how to be a man, per say, but I realized I COULD and DID TEACH HIM how to properly treat women, and other human beings, how to say NO TO DRUGS, CRIME AND PEER PRESSURE and why that is important. I could teach him that HE IS BEAUTIFUL, special in confidence, not arrogance and that he is ALREADY SOMEBODY!

I could and did teach my male child how A True GENTLEMAN

TREATS WOMEN. That such a man, does not take sex from a woman. He does not seek to dominate a woman, but to accept her for her own distinctive beauty, gifts, talents, and personality. My son KNOWS there is MUCH MORE to a woman than just her outer exterior. He's had the fortune and misfortune of watching me!

He knows not that women are not play things, The pain he may cause by dragging her self esteem, her heart, and reputation through the mud.He understands that REAL MEN do NOT beat, humiliate or destroy ANY WOMAN women or the weak for sport. He's watched certain males in the family and the continuos deep trouble they have caused by their mistreatment of their families and mates!He understands that REAL MEN, take care of those they love! Taking care of their children even if they are not living in the same home!My son understands the pain of abandonment by a parent. He had vowed not to repeat it!

My son knows from my abusive treatment as a child and youth, that brothers protect their sisters and not harm them! I've taught him that a true gentleman and mature adult male, DOES NOT brag or tell "his boys" about the intimate relationship details of his personal life with his girlfriend or wife. I've also taught him NOT TO LET females drag him down, manipulate him or abuse him in any way! I've told him how WE females can be as well!

My son and I, have spoke many times over the years, a mans place in his household and in the world. While it is true that I could not teach my son to be a man, from a man's point of view, I've done my best other wise!

At least my son understands the value of respecting human life, authority and the law. I could and did teach him how to be a decent, respectable, God fearing, intelligent, productive, loving and compassionate human being. I realized I could pass on my strength, wisdom through LIFE LESSONS lessons opening his eyes, HAVING NO USE FOR ROSE COLORED GLASSES, but to see things as they are really happening, to be knowing, vocal and courageous. I leaned to appreciate the gift of communication with my son. AND TO KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN, even when my son tells me something I really don't want to hear! See, if I value him, then I value his thoughts!

I've given my son and opened my son up to knowledge to cause him to be a responsible, person. He knows how to grocery shop (wisely), pay bills, by having him go get the money orders, and pay the landlord, send to DTE etc. He knows about saving money. He's learned how to dress appropriately and speak to people in business, to get his point across and not be cussing, using alot of slang or being belligerent! He's learned how not to let those same people mistreat him as a customer and human being. I've taught him how to apply for jobs, speak to potential employers, how to conduct himself in an interview and on the job. How to interview the potential employer! After all, employment, is both give and take!

TALK TO YA AGAIN SOON!

Meetta

Men, Women & Children - Happiness & You

"Ever since JOY heard your name,

it has been running through the streets trying to find you."

MEN, WOMEN & Children- What others think!

Welcome Dear Reader,

Reader, I'm going to say something that maybe only people who truly love you, including a "True" Friend would say. 'Cause true friends will stand by your side during your good times and in your bad times, through richness and poverty. They will keep your secrets and truths. They will fight for you and with you. A true friend will also believe and hope for you and with you! Especially in the tough times when you can't seem to believe and hope for yourself! They will be there when others, even those who claimed to love you, have ran away from you! When the T.F. themselves get angry with you, they will return.

A true friend will smile and agree with you, but only when you are right! They are not going to " kiss your butt", to stroke your ego. They will let you know when you are wrong and have acted terribly. They'll be your conscience. They won't let you get away with wrong destructive behavior because that way of being is not to your benefit. It won't bring out the best in you!

A True friend will tell you the truth, but in a loving fashion. Not in a way to tear you down, but to build you up! They are committed and loyal and ask only the same in return. So, in this moment, if only for the moment, I hope you will view me as such, A true Friend.

So, here goes.

For ALL OF US,

...no matter our age or gender, we need to understand some things.

And one thing that comes to my mind this morning is that ...

we need to STOP giving SO MUCH THOUGHT into what other people think about us! Because truth be told, more often than not, we are thinking more about ourselves than the other person probably is!

I attribute this kind of behaviour to either an inferiority complex or OVER-valuing ones self (which is a component of Pride).

And it may be hard for some of us to accept, but we need to also understand that...other people have their own lives, families and concerns to think about too! They have more important things, other than our complexes and egos to concern themselves with.

And rightfully so!

KNOW who you are!

Understand your value, your worth,

but don't lose sight of reality!

We are at times, but GOD is no respecter of person.

He loves us all!

Truly Yours,

Your T.F., Meetta

For Women Only ~ MEN too!~ Is Wisdom a "SHE"?

I'm Still talking about the lovely Wisdom. Geez, She is totally amazing!

YES! Wisdom is referred to as a " SHE"! But ladies don't get the big head! Really wisdom "is the mind of God being revealed." It is NOT a separate being! Referring to wisdom as a she "is only a literary device in order to bring wisdom Alive for us!"

Calling wisdom a "she" means that she, just like women is very strong, intelligent, compassionate and sees potential. Women also have the ability to encourage people to do great things by sharing knowledge and causing them to apply it to their lives. Like that, Wisdom has that innate ability to want to help, to nurture, like many of us (usually). Women can also be very, very convincing and creative about how we get our point across.

Though many of us have sincere hearts to help, many other women have been known to use their powers for evil. That's the difference with wisdom! Wisdom will offer her services to help better the situation without need to satisfy self! Many women seducers are only out for their own benefit. They are destructive and cannot be trusted. Wisdom can be trusted completely because she comes from God un-tainted. She comes without desires of her own. She seeks only to be obedient to God, using her powers for good intent.

Everybody, usually this column is for women only, but ladies this particular topic calls for both genders to unite on this one! Knowledge is for everyone! Wisdom is here for all of us. So welcome brothers into our world.

Ladies, my precious Sister Girls, we will go back to our regular column being just for us on next week. Thank you for your patience and allowing the guys in this time. As you know, all this week I've started devoting all of my 12 columns totally to wisdom. I've introduced to you what and who wisdom is. I've written about some of her strong points and why she exists. With wisdom, Understanding can't be too far behind. But did you know that the bible calls Wisdom and Understanding a "SHE"? Let me show you.

SCRIPTURE

Proverbs 8: 1-13

I use the Life Application Study Bible,

N.I.V. (New International Version)

Tyndale House Publisher, Inc.

Wheaton, Illinois

"Does not wisdom call out?

Does not Understanding raise her voice?

On the heights along the way,

where the paths meet, she takes her stand;

beside the gates leading into the city,

at the entrances, she cries out;

I raise my voice, to all mankind.

You who are foolish, gain understanding.

Listen, for I have worthy things to say;

I open my lips to speak what is right.

My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness.

All the words of my mouth are just;

none of them is crooked or perverse.

To the discerning all of them are right; they are faultless to those who have knowledge.

Choose my instruction instead of sliver,

knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom, is more precious than rubies,

and nothing you desire can compare with her."

FOOTNOTES

Proverbs 8:1

(V. 1) Wisdom's call is contrasted to the call of the adulteress in Chapter 7. Wisdom is portrayed as a woman who guides us (Proverbs 8:1-13) and makes us succeed (proverbs 8:14-21).

Wisdom was present at the creation and works with the Creator (8:22-31). God approves of those who listen to wisdom's counsel (8:32-35). Those who hate wisdom love death (8: 36). Wisdom should affect every aspect of one's life, from beginning to end. Be sure to open all corners of your life to God's direction and guidance.

Hey, I hope this helps you Dear Reader to know more about wisdom

and why you should embrace her.

Meetta

Men, Women & Children - "HE GIVES US BOYS"

WELCOME BACK, DEAR READER!

Many of you may already know from past articles, that in this column I speak on any subject that covers individual issues of Men, Women and Children. But I also cover family issues as well. In today's Men, Women, and Children column, I want to do something special. TODAY, I AM CELEBRATING! I am celebrating SONS!

I am a single mother and I have been blessed to raise a beautiful, creative, intelligent, friendly, well spoken, healthy, Christ loving Son. My son is my only child. When he was born, I really didn't understand that it was going to be just he and I and what that all meant. I had no idea how to handle something like that and it could have turned out much more terrible than it did! We had a VERY HARD TIME trying to make it, that little baby and me! "Family" turned on us! The Dad turned out to be (unbeknownst to me beforehand) an incredible verbal and emotional abusive, self-centered person. On our journey, my son and I both, were abused by Christians and non-Christians alike, People we knew and people we didn't know! On the other hand, we were also helped by Christians and Non-Christians, People we knew and people we didn't know! God is so WONDERFUL! He touched and softened many, many hearts. He blessed with finances, shelter and protected us. Those hurts that did come, he kept me and my little boy protected enough (now almost a man) that those hurts didn't destroy us. Even with all of the mistakes I made, my son at 19, still hugs me a plenty and tells me "Thanks Mom, for loving me and working so hard to teach me. Thanks for not giving up!"

My son, is 19 now and with the blessing of Christ, he's turning 20 in November and will live a long, long prosperous and productive life, doing Gods' will. My son is not perfect in the flesh, but he could have turned out a lot worse! A whole lot worse! My son is a quiet person, that is until he gets to know you! he smiles a lot. He is a giver, a helper. He is kind. He is a bit of an introvert. He is goal oriented. He has plans for his future. Sure he has his "lazy"moments like most teenagers, but I am praying to Christ that he will outgrow that! He can also be a very big pain in the butt, but aren't most teenagers at some point? But hey! Overall, my son is also a very likable person!

Maybe just like your own child, on a regular basis, even co-workers of mine sincerely ask about him. They constantly ask how he's doing and giving him plenty of well wishes. They hope and believe Good things for my son. The most wonderful thing is when known Christian believers tell me that they are keeping my son up in prayer! One of them "RJ", actually went toe-to- toe with another guy we know, in protecting my son. This happened when on the way to my son's 18th birthday party, the one guy told RJ and two other friends that he actually wanted to "corrupt" my son, initiating him into "manhood". I don't need to tell you people what kind of corruption that man had in mind. What do small minded, un-wise, immoral people men usually do with 18 year old males on their birthday? An "innocent" 18 year male on his birthday... you figure it out!

He spoke of the plans on how he was going to do it and the word is, RJ acted as a Father figure to my son, spoke against this man's plans and "warned this man" about why he should drop his plans over my son! Before you get any ideas Dear Reader, The "good guy" RJ, and I have nothing going on. He being an inspirational, intelligent, young productive man of God, I asked him to come and "Bless my son" on this special day. My son and I were both happy and honored that he did it. RJ and I were conversating just the other day and he mentioned to me just a few days ago (almost 2 years later) that he was honored as well that I asked him! He also said a prayer over the rest of the youth at my son's party, which was like a big, clean, loud family gathering held at the church in 2008. Now that I think on this again, what my friend did for my son, is what "A LOVING FATHER WOULD DO"! Come to think of it, his "real" Dad, was invited and didn't even come! My, My, My! See, God really will give you what you need, right when HE KNOWS you need it! As it is written: "I'll be a Father to the Father-less", thus said thy Lord Thy God.

Even though this column is not one that I designated specifically as a "Christian" teaching column, I find that WISDOM, you can't escape from. And wisdom was present when the earth was formed. So follow me if you will into the "book of wisdom" as I celebrate sons.

Proverbs Chapter 6 verses 20-23.

"My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mothers teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck.

When you walk, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you;

when you awake, they will speak to you.

For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light,

and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

Devotional

HE GIVES US BOYS

Author: Charles Swindoll

THROUGHOUT history, long before the marines, God has been looking for a few good men: "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him" (2 Chronicles 16:9a)

"I looked for a man among the whole would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap" (Ezekiel 22:30 a)

God, give us men! Give us Noah's, to whom you can trust your mighty plans;

Give us Abraham's, who are willing to leave home and homeland to follow your call;

Give us Josephs, who would rather endure prison than violate one of your commands;

Give us Moses-es, who are willing to stand as your mouthpiece against the most powerful leaders in all the world;

Give us Daniels, who would rather face a lions den than compromise their faith;

God, give us men!

However, the reality is that God does not give us men-he gives us boys. To us, as parents, he gives the task of forging these boys into men. To help equip us for that task, God has provided the book of Proverbs, which is largely the advice of a father to his son...Our children are our legacy. As a parent, are you taking that thought seriously?" Amen! I agree with you Mr. Swindoll.

If there is a son in your life, Celebrate him today!

Thanks for Reading, Ms. Meetta

FOR WOMEN ONLY! -Be content with self!

Hey, My Sister Girls!

"Though we are not related, nor have we met,

but we are all connected by humanity, no matter what our Race, Creed or Culture."~ Meetta J. Martin

In this column, I share with you words of encouragement through personal experiences of my own as well as from others close to me. The hope is that you may be encouraged by and grow from these stories. Many of the things, you may have already experienced. Hopefully, you too will find inspiration and solace in my writings. If you read something that inspires you and you have a google account, feel free to comment on this site or you can contact me by e-mail. My e-mail address is in the heading of this page.

Sister Girls, it's been a long time since we last had our chat. I believe the last one was around Mothers' day. And I apologize for not keeping up. So much has happened. Funny thing is, I can't even remember it all! It's amazing how things seem SOOOO IMPORTANT when they are happening and when they are over, I've seem to have forgotten what all the hoopla was about! I can tell you this though, the subject matter of men and women has come up a few times during these last few months and I have something to share with you. First, you should know that I am one of those women that has learned a lot from her experiences and I don't take them lightly. I defend the woman. WOMEN ARE VALUABLE AND SPECIAL AND WE SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH! Unfortunately though, many of us women don't know our own worth! Sometimes, I am so strong in my opinion that I have irritated people, usually men, and dependent women because they can't separate me from my strong beliefs on this subject. If I think a lesson is worthwhile, being helpful to someone as in this case of self-esteem, no matter how controversial, I will share it!

I've learned a lot in my life of being a single woman, never married and over the age of 40. I've been challenged a great deal, especially when it comes to how I have been viewed! I've had to be strong, an independent thinker, self-motivator, multi-tasker, bill payer, head-of household, including being my sons primary source for guidance, direction and nurturing, provision, a confidant, and yes the disciplinarian. Raising a boy to be a man as woman alone and on my own most of the time, its been a tough road!

Many people in the past, have expressed concern (And hope) for me to be found by that one special person who comes and changes my life for the better with "True" Friendship, undeniable Love, acceptance, support and then marriage. But you know, I don't how that will happen, but hey I'm open! In the meantime though, still finding contentment in my life as it is. Also still striving to BE BETTER, do better and go after those thing I REALLY want and see myself doing. Even if no one else does! In light of this, Ladies I want to share this piece of wisdom that never grows old for me.

..."Don't look for YOUR joy or happiness in anyone else! Don't seek nor allow another person be the primary source for these things for you! Be content with yourself first!" If someone special comes into your life, (a mate, or a new friend for example) their job is to ADD to your life. They are to add positivity to the positive way you already view yourself and what's happening in your life. They are not to be the primary source for your happiness!

Don't allow yourself to become dependent on someone else to provide that for you! That's a tough job, a heavy burden that no one has the ability to perform successfully without a great deal of pain. Putting your complete happiness in someone else and expecting them to be responsible for you in this way, is not fair to them! Besides, you can't control people! And if you try, you are only asking for trouble. We each have our own minds! We're human and humans are flawed! We often let each other down by either the choices we make, things we say or do!

FIND CONTENTMENT IN YOUR OWN LIFE! Then, that which you desire will be attracted to that light! Usually, no one who is healthy of mind, self-esteem and character, is going to want an emotionally dependent person, primarily relying on them for joy, happiness or completion. I've personally been on both sides of that situation. When I was more dependent and less self assured, (back in the day) I got my feelings hurt! As I begun to grow more self assured and finding Joy for myself, I ran into the problem of weak men looking to hook up with me because they admired my strength! They said things like, "If I had a strong woman like you, I would be a better man. I would be alright. I would be able to achieve things." My response would be, "Why can't you become a better man, be alright and go achieve things before you talk to me? No productive woman who cares about herself and trying to achieve things is going to want a dependent, clingy man dragging her down." And Women, that's the way a lot of men think too! I said it once already, twice I think, Now I'll say it again,

"BE CONTENT WITH SELF, FIRST!"

THANKS FOR READING "

"FOR WOMEN ONLY."

Men, Women & Children -YOU GOTTA READ THIS!

DEAR READER,

You gotta read this!

For all the money spent on the research Cornell University does...

THIS IS A TOTAL WASTE!

From the FREEP.COM

Article written by Melissa Healy

Los Angeles Times

"BIG EARNING WOMEN MORE CHEATED ON"

Does anybody else remember the classics perfume ad for the late 1970's?

"I can bring home, fry it up in the pan. And never, never, never let you forget you're a man."

It turns out, the dynamics of gender identity are a bit more complicated. In many cases, women who are bringing home the bacon will need the frying pan for something very different: They'll need it to clobber their philandering partners.

The message conveyed in a study released this week is certain to stir anger among women who work hard outside the home: If you are the betrayed wife or female partner of a philandering man, it suggests, you may have your paycheck to blame.

Being in a relationship with a female partner who earns more than he does can make a man feel less of a man, Cornell University sociologist, Christian Munsch... told colleagues at the annual confab of the America Sociological Association. To affirm and restore his battered sense of manhood, a man may feel he needs to go outside the relationship in search of sexual conquest, she said.

She cites research showing that nothings makes a man feel like "the man" like a sexual conquest. "Sexual encounters, particularly with multiple women are a defining feature of hegemonic masculinity," Munsch writes.

Yes, yes, if course , relationship satisfactions matters, as does the religiosity of the man in question . As either increases, the odds of a man engaging extramarital sex go down, Munsch found. One factor that makes a man more likely to stray from a relationship is a low level of education.

NOW, LET ME JUST PERSONALLY interject something, deeply explaining my first statement.

Of all the money, brainpower and time that Cornell University has spent and continue to spend on fantastic useful research...THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME! A WASTE OF ALL IT'S VERY VALUABLE RESOURCES. We didn't need Cornell 's brainpower to be wasted on something that MANY, MANY, MANY of us already knew!!!

And what we knew is this, Men will use any "excuse" to sleep around, being unfaithful."

All Cornell University's Christin Munsch did was sound as if she was legitimizing this excuse. SO WHAT, your wife makes more than you! IF YOU WERE A REAL MAN, You'd be GRATEFUL to have a woman who was productive, driven, successful AND LOVES YOUR POOR BUTT! Does she treat you like you are less? If not then what is your issue go to do with her?

Be a Man and recognize it is you and take care of the situation in a positive manner without destroying your relationship. In case you haven't looked around at your friends, and family members relationships lately...let me remind you that this world is a very bleak place without a supportive, trusting loving partner in your life! And they don't come by often nor easy! GET A GET A GRIP DUDE!!!

Why should the woman that works hard, achieving, feel bad "have their paychecks to blame", insinuating that it is the woman's fault for working hard that her man cheats. YEP! This angered me, as a hard working woman. It also angered my female co-worker who was reading this at lunch today. WHAT CRAP! Blame their pay paychecks, how about just leaving all of the blame on the man, for he knows what he has at home!

If a man feels less of a man because she makes more, then HE WASN'T MUCH OF A MAN BEFORE HE GOT HER! I'll say it again to provide clarity in case you thought I was biting my tongue. If the man man feels less because of the woman's bank account, HE WASN'T MUCH OF A MAN TO BEGIN WITH!!! Further more, if the guy had a problem with her bank, then I would think instead of regressing, that it should motivate him to do better, be better. Using her achievements as a motivator to step up, follow some dreams and goals of his own. Find some way to make some great strides in personal success as a man and build on your self-confidence instead of using her successes to be a failure in the relationship. If the guy is comfortable with his achievements then I believe that makes a difference too!

What are your views on the matter Reader?

Post your comment on my blog or e-mail me at meetta@hotmail.com

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN- "BUT, I'M OVER 40!"

IN THIS WORLD,

there are SO many women who are single, never been married, aren't in a relationship...and they want to be! Unfortunately, this also applies to me! My age and lack of suitable prospects, make my dream relationship appear to be very slim. I'm over 40 and never been married. I've never been asked! Well, not seriously. OK, I've been asked twice,

But not by anyone I wanted to marry!

I don't know! Something about, my heart wanting only what my heart wanted and ...it didn't want to be attached to these guys. At least, not for a minute more than it took to get away from them after they each "proposed". That said it! If I couldn't stand a minute more of them, I certainly couldn't do it for a lifetime! Both times...I knew in an instant upon being asked, what my heart and head decided, had been the best decision. A long time ago, there were two others. I would've said yes to either one of them had they asked me...but neither one of them did. One was a friend I had grown very smitten with. The other one, I was very much in love with,

(my sons Dad). Turns out, not marrying either one of them was also a good idea! This I later discovered as I looked back on my life! Hmm. Strange, isn't it? I didn't marry one of the guys who wanted to marry me, but the neither of the guys I wanted to marry, ever asked me! Strange, indeed!

So now, I'm over 40 and still, single mother of my 19 year old. To top it off, in my life, I'm also surrounded by other women of different age groups who are just as single (and more hopeful than I) with the same "predicament" if you will. And I gotta tell ya, IT'S NO FUN! Too many women, plus not enough decent, eligible, productive, "good" men. Pickin's is slim yall! But there are plenty of the "other" kind! Including "hit it and quit it guys (purely doggish), street beggars, financially poor, weak spined men, looking for a strong woman they can sponge off of, married men or attached men looking to "share the wealth". Don't forget the men who are of mature age, still living with their parents!

One such recent horror moment in my life, came the other day. As I was walking home just a couple blocks from my apartment, I was hit on by a ragged tooth, street guy as I passed by. I'd shown him some kindness with gifts of food before and a pleasant "hello" as I passed, but this day, he decided to say something else. He asked me what my name was and he asked me...was I married ...(wanting to put in his bid in). Like I said, PICKINS' IS SLIM YALL!

After leaving that guy, I'M THINKING, YEAH! SINGLE HOOD (KEEPING to MYSELF) MAY NOT BE SUCH A BAD thing AFTER ALL! In any case, I still have those thoughts of meeting somebody really special and available! Then...after a few moments or a few days (to be honest)...I eventually come to my senses and blow those thoughts off!

Reduced to thoughts of being single, living alone with a dog and some pet fish, going dancing and eating takeout. (My son is almost a mature enough man, to be out on his own soon) and I've thought about how I will live my life, even right down to how I would decorate my new "bachelorette pad". (Though, without all of the bachelorette lifestyle.) I could see eating Chinese food, takeout three times a week, walking my little "fru-fru" dog that's small enough to put it in a purse and carry! I probably would be working like crazy, maybe start a business or two. I'll always be writing to you Readers. Won't lose sight of that! Maybe a few books and in my future or magazine articles. (One can dream, can't one?) I'll one day be a college graduate as I will more than likely go back to finish college.

In the meantime, I still do sometimes have that thought about

What is love? I mean , for a woman to share the most precious, sacred, intimate thoughts and sides of her herself. (It's been so long, I honestly think I forgot!!) EVEN with all of those accomplishments I plan to complete some time in my life, I'm thinking, "will that be enough to satisfy me?"

WHAT IS LOVE? Does it really exist for women like me? I've only had one "lover" who was my best friend. That was when I was 19 (and long before I received Christ into my life). Best friends make the best partners, I think. But I've never had that since! I don't know if that 's possible again. Those kind of relationships are very unique in themselves. Since then, I've not had that!

I also have never had someone to celebrate me! To brag about me to his friends or family. Bragging about how intelligent, or kind and compassionate, I am. I've never had anyone to brag about how blesses, he is to have me. Nor how funny, how sexy, or great of a person he believes me to be. I've never had more than a hit and conquer it, kind of man. Never had a man who enjoyed the dating process with me. I've never had a man to take me out to really nice places, or on vacations. I've never been celebrated in any of these kinds of way, or ways that I would remember and cherish. So, I've chosen to spend the last 12 years of my life, devoted to my Christian way of living, to my son and to myself. Yep, For twelve years, I've been a single woman, living unto herself! There has not been any relationships with anybody! Nobody special, has come along in all that time and made himself known tome. And the last love I had, was my sons Dad, and that nearly ruined my life! It was because of him, that I didn't' want to take a chance on anybody else. First, it was because I had a hard time getting over him. Then when I did, I also became very afraid that I would choose someone else who would prove to be just as hurtful as he! I was Unwilling to take that chance. Along with a few other things, being unsure of myself, I chose to stay to myself and by myself ! I figured, I'd know when it was time to try again. When that time came though, no one special had come along. And time just kept flying past! So, I've made a resolve.

At 42, I am ALMOST entirely given over to the resolve that I shall never fall in love again (and he, with me), I shall remain single and never marry! I figure that the sooner I accept this, the sooner I can stop setting myself up for disappointment. Like I said...I'm ALMOST there. Still though, in light of where I am in my life, like many women...life sometimes leaves me wondering....

WHAT IS LOVE?

Song by Jennifer Lopez

(#5 on my blog playlist)

Na, Na, Na, Na,

NA, NA Na, Na, Na, Na, ,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

(REPEAT AGAIN)

NA, NA, NA, NA,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na

People told me, I should write a love song.

Girl you sound so angry, you could use some variation,

but I'm lonely, negative relations, I've been hurt SO many times.

I don't have the patience,

but I wished for so long for someone to come and show me.

Lead by example, cause I've been waiting.

I've tried every age.

I'm so tired of the game.

I wanna be some body's girl!

Would you show me the way!

(CHORUS):

What if, I never find and I'm left behind?

(Should I keep hoping for love?)

What if, I'm still the same, status doesn't change?

(Gotta keep hoping for love)

(What is love, what is love? what is love?)

Somebody show me...

(What is Love? what is love? What is Love? )

... 'Cause if you told....

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

.... I wouldn't be lonely!

What is Looooove ?

PLEASE SHOW ME!

WHAT IS LOOOOOVE?

I've had blind dates, hooked up with some real flakes.

I've gone out with church boys, musicians are the worst.

I've tried so hard, 'cause I'm just so die hard.

Tried my best to play the part. Wish you could see inside!

But, I've wished for so long, for someone to come and show me.

Lead by example, cause I've been waiting.

I've tried every age. I'm so tired of the game.

I wanna be some body's girl!

Would you show me the way!

(CHORUS)

What if I... never find and I'm left behind? (Should I keep hoping for Love?)

What if... I'm still the same. Status doesn't change? (Gotta keep hoping for Love?)

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

....Somebody show me

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

Cause if you told me...

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

I wouldn't be lonely!

What is Loooove?

Please come show me!

WHAT IS LOOOOOVE?

Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na

(REPEAT AGAIN)

I've been alone for the past 3 years on Valentines Day!

Christmas is no exception. Birthdays, no naughty presents.

Been back and forth same action.

I just need this to happen!

I'll be singing Love's praises... If you would show me!

(Repeat CHORUS)

What if I never find and I'm left behind....

What if ...

.....

Na, Na, Na, Na,etc.

BYE!

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN - ADDICTED FAMILIES

Hey Readers!

You may know by now that in my column of "Men, Women and Children" that this is where I discuss situations that involve each gender. Whether the topics are targeting a particular gender or a family, this is where I discuss it. I talk about relationships here, child abuse, divorce, sexual immorality, mentoring children, etc. this is where I discuss it with you! So feel free to comment on any of my blog posts by clicking on the word "comment" at the end of each article of interest.

For today's article though, we will be talking about ADDICTIONS and how they affect the family. I am not getting into specific addictions because they all hurt the addicted persona as well as those that are around them and those that love and care for them. In that sense, all addictions have that in common in that they destroy! They destroy the body of the person, and the body of those whom the addicted person may attack or just invade their life with stress. Addictions destroy lives with loss of jobs, friends, homesteads, family support, intimate relationships, finances. Addictions have the power and uses that power to constantly destroy trust, faith, dreams, hopes, futures, spiritual bonds, self-esteem and the self-respect of the addicted. No one with any intelligence can and will deny that the power of addiction! Although, there is one denial or disagreement about addictions that has been the source of great discussion and arguments.

For example. Although medical expert call addiction a disease, I always had trouble understanding how they could label that as such. To me, an addiction was the result of a choice first made by and continue dot be made until control was lost. And that drug or habit forming cause became the stronger one.

A disease to me was a sickness of some sort. I thought a disease was an outright attack on the body. That is was not something I don't know, I am possibly quite wrong. But hey!

THIS IS AMERICA! The land of the free (somewhat). So, I am entitled to even my wrong opinion. If you know any better Reader, I welcome you to (with niceness) educate me.

I welcome your thoughts, unless they are evil!

In any case, whether a disease or something else fueled by choice, addiction is a serious, contagious matter. Yes! I said contagious because it can spread it's poisonous grip beyond the directly addicted and obviously affected person, poisoning others!

See, addiction "traps the addict the entire family! The addiction governs their thoughts, feelings and actions of every family member. You need to understand the effects on the family, as well as the roles that family members take take on, and how to get help."

EFFECTS ON THE FAMILY

The addicts family family members share these concerns:

* They are suspicious of the addicts actions. This leads to constant family conflict.

*They blame themselves for the addicts' "illness".

~They are afraid of the addicts' un-predictability, especially of the mood swings. They may also fear that the family unit will break up.

~ They are constantly feeling feeling disappointed by the addict, due to the addicts inability to live up to commitments and obligations.

* They feel isolated by the unspoken (and often) spoken rule, not to discuss the problem among themselves. *As I have drug addicted family members, I've often been told not to discuss it with them or anyone else. It's like this horrible secret that if anyone really knows then what? The person's going to go off the deep end, well they've already been doing that (in my opinion). They did that when they gave in to the thing in the first place, that they are now addicted to! Don't discuss it like it's going to go away on it's own! Don't discuss it! WHAT?...Even though we all know!

* They are embarrassed by the addicts behavior.

~ They resent the unfair demands placed upon them by the addict.

FAMILY ROLES

Family members take on in appropriate roles. *This may mean, stepping into the roles that the addicted person held, but are no longer able and responsible enough to manage. For example; Maybe it is Mom or Dad that is now addicted and they were once the bread winners of the family. Now the kids may feel compelled to step up and help with finances to support the household. That in itself, can cause alot of resentment and regret!

TYPES OF FAMILY ROLES

* The Rescuer: wants to protect the addict for the consequences of the addiction by making

excuses for him or her.

* The Caretaker: Tries to compensate for the addicts unreliability to minimize the possibility for trouble.

*The Rebel: Draws attention away from the family's primary problem of addiction.

* The Hero: Engages in exemplary behaviour, secretly think that this will make it easier for the addict to quit.

* The Blamer: Makes the addict the scapegoat for all the family's problems while not doing anything positive to change the situation.

* The Adjuster: Distances him or herself from the pain by withdrawn from upsetting

situations involving the addict.

UNDERSTANDING and GETTING HELP

*Protect the babies

Roles learned in childhood due to the presence of an addict in the family will carry over into adulthood. *This becomes apart of their life experiences which they will later draw on. So, be careful about having addicted people around the children. Whether the children are yours or someone else's shouldn't really be an issue! Just PROTECT THE CHILDREN.

"Some of the most well known programs for families are Al-anon, and ALA-TEEN.

Narc-Anon is available in some areas If it is not in your area, Al-Anon and Ala-teen can be just as effective. Many areas have "Adult Children of Alcoholics groups" for adults who have struggled or are are struggling with with problems from growing up in and alcohol or drug addicted family. These groups are not just necessarily just for alcohol related problems.

In addition to these, professional counseling can be helpful. by reaching out for help ad support, family members an getting their own recovery and get back into enjoying their family and the world around them.

* Reference material supplied by a local area hospital.

BYE!

SOCIAL SCENE- SUICIDE, Pt.1 of 5,

Social Scene...

is where I write about issues that concern us all! Including issues that affect society as a whole including racism, economic, politics, religion and issues that affect our well being including food processing in America and suicide etc.. The latter leads us to our topic today. With so many problems stemming from the country's financial crisis, including personal bankruptcies, loss of jobs, retirement funds and investments, foreclosures and divorces, many people have faced great uncertainty and may fear being swallowed up by it! In desperate time, often people turn to desperate measures and desperate ways of thinking.

SUICIDE ...

Is a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Remember that!

Unfortunately though, many men, women and children have either tried to commit suicide or actually succeeded at it. Yes! People did it for different reasons, but generally it also comes down to pain, some sort of anguish. Usually, though,the problems may seem inescapable in the moments they are being experienced, the solution doesn't have to include suicide! Even if the moments lasts for months, the solution still does not have to be so permanent as to cost a precious life this way! Depending on what your spiritual or religious beliefs are, there is no relief in the eternal when you take your life this way.

One of God's greatest commandments is ...

"Thou shall not kill!"

THAT INCLUDES KILLING YOURSELF!

He will hold you accountable for even taking your own life! Now even in the after life, you got MORE problems because now you have to stand before God in judgement and explain why you wasted the precious gift of life HE gave to you!

SO, WHERE'S THE RELIEF IN THAT?

Facts about suicide:

"Every 40 seconds, someone attempts suicide. Every 17 minutes, someone succeeds. Over 400, 000 failed attempts a year end up with serious injuries. In most cases,the person who commits suicide has tried before and made numerous attempts to reach out to others. Ninety percent of suicides are associated with mental illness, such as depression. And 50% of suicides are associated with alcohol or drug abuse."

*Reference material provided by a local area hospital.

Until next time!

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN-DIVORCE

Readers,

this information comes from a local organization that specializes in helping people through such matters as divorce.

"Divorce can be one of life's most stressful experiences. It also can be a time of creating new relationships, a time for growing and learning. A time for re-establishing yourself! Understanding emotional and physical stresses that often come from experiencing divorce is the first step in leaning how to deal with them. When you acknowledge and accept your feelings, your learning to care for yourself an you family during this difficult time, you'll not only become aware that you can cope with divorce, but also survive it!"

EMOTIONAL STRESS

Separating from someone you had hoped would be your life-partner is usually painful. You might feel like a failure. You may miss the warmth, friendship, financial security and sex you had or hoped you would have with that particular person. Divorce is especially painful if everyone you know seems to be happily married, or if you get little support from your own family.

Your job as a parent is suddenly that much bigger if you now have primary responsibility for the children. You may have less time to spend with them, yet their needs are greater. If you did not want the separation, your resentment and anger may flare up around them, although it's not their fault. You and your former spouse may have conflicts about child support. If you are a parent whose children are not living with you, you may feel guilty, lonely resentful. You may worry that the children may forget you or be turned against you.

*RECOGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS. It's normal to feel lonely, sad or resentful during a divorce (or even at the end of your unmarried relationship. Heartbreak is heartbreak, you know!)

PHYSICAL STRESS

As in any distressful situation, your body is affected. Ongoing stress and cause minor and major illnesses, including headaches, backaches, heart attacks, stroke, the weakening of your immune system, and even cause stomach problems including ulcers. Even if you feel relieved by the divorce, you may have physical symptoms.

TAKE CARE!

You may not be able to change your situation, but you can stay healthy during the transition if you take care of yourself.

*Recognize your feelings. Its normal to feel lonely, frustrated or even hopeless.

Pound on a bed or yell in the care, where no one can hear or see you release your feelings.

*Reach out to others. Friends, relatives, support groups and therapists can support you

too! A hug, phone call, e-mail, twitter message, a phone call or even a visit mean a great deal.

*Take risks. Try a new activity.

It will keep your mind off your problems and help you to meet new people.

*Treat your body well. Cut down on alcohol and smoking. Eat healthy, tasty food. Get exercise! Walking is always good. RELAX! GO to a spa or treat yourself to do-it-yourself

at-home treatments, including taking a long hot soaking bath.

To end I will say, "taking care of yourself and taking risks can have surprising benefits. don't be surprised if eventually you are stronger, more joyful, have inner peace, are more confident and more content than you were before."

Bye Now,

but remember...

Divorce, you can survive it.

And after that, you will begin and continue to thrive. LIVE!

Meetta

Men, Women & Children-Nothing Like Being a Child!

"INSPIRATION STATION"

(Reader, whenever you see "Inspiration Station", you know a poem is sure to follow.)

NOTHING! LIKE BEING A CHILD!

By Ms. Meetta Martin

From her book, "You Can't Say That!";

Poetry to Strengthen, Heal and Encourage"~ (2002)

Today did not feel like a good day!

I have never felt so lost as I feel now,

Well, maybe not since I was a child!

Back then, like now, I did not always have anyone to lovingly hold my hand.

It is amazing how I got to be who I am!

But there was nothing like being a child,

with my parents running wild!

At age ten and even younger,

(I remember even being 7 when this would happen!)

I was left home alone to fend for myself against the unknown.

Momma used to say, "Don't open the door and don't answer the phone.

Don't let anyone know you are here alone.

I'll only be gone a few minutes, you know what trouble is,

so don't you get in it!"

She was usually gone for more than just a few minutes!

Sometimes, a couple of hours were more like it!

I was so afraid back then, that I would just stay in the front of our big house

and set myself up in the window waiting for Momma to come home again.

I was so afraid, that I wouldn't go to pee until I couldn't hold it anymore!

Top the bathroom I'd run as fast as I could, then I'd run back out to the front again!

I used to wonder,

how my mother could leave me all on my own!

A small child, a prisoner in my own home.

In my home,

there was nothing like being a child.

Alone and scared with my whole world running wild!

After my Dad left my Mom, nothing was the fun or safe anymore!

My Mom was working somewhere to get the rent.

Often times she worked 1 and 2 jobs!

Other times she would just be hanging out with friends.

sometimes, my brothers and me, went a day or two

without even seeing her!

I was mad at her!

How COULD SHE LEAVE HER PRECIOUS BABY GIRL ALONE or

WITH THESE BOYS!

Though they were my brothers, they couldn't be trusted!

I didn't ask to be here!

My parents chose, so why didn't they take care?

There is nothing like being a child with your parents running wild!

Jumping back to my adult feelings and how my day is going,

makes me know I was blessed to keep growing!

When it comes to family, and caring for their kids,

I cannot tell anyone how to be.

I can only tell you what I see!

Hurt, pain dealt by my family's hands.

It hurt when my Dad up and ran away!

The reason? My Mom really didn't say back then.

I simply did not understand it!

I just felt left behind. Betrayed.

Neglected.

Parents concentrating on self, neglecting a family!

I may not know the absolute correct way to deal with marriage problems,

and care for a family, but the the way I was raised...

I absolutely do not recommend it!

Though the adults hurt,

The children also suffer and have to deal with it!

There is NOTHING LIKE being a child

with your parents running wild!

"Talk" with you later! Meetta