MEETTA TALKS, RUMORS, Final Thoughts, Pt. 5

READERS,

Here is my final entry for this particular series, though it is not my final thoughts on Rumors and Gossip! So you may see this subject brought up again, considering how damaging "ugly talk" can be. Whether you are the one spreading or even listening to it, rumors and gossip have always found a way to damage some one's livelihood, reputation, and even broken trust. Gossip and rumors spreaders have created tension in the workplace, church and the home. Their "misery" and "Ugly Talk" has tested patience and interrupted peace of mind,and even caused broken relationships of all kinds, maybe even some of their own! I personally do not enjoy being around "Ugly Talkers" because of the problems that it often times causes. No matter who it is or what position they hold. have Ugly Talkers in my family!

Back to the business at hand.

Though, I try not to take it personal, I have to admit and tell you that as of late,

the rumor mill has changed my perspective about people.

I have heard some doozies spread about myself!

YEP! I'm about to bust at least one rumor wide open to give you an idea of what I have had to contend with, even at work! I told you, this stuff follows you EVERYWHERE! One day, I was in another department taking care of some business and one of the workers walked right over to me and said to the others working there that

"I heard Meetta does'nt have any food at her house" and she burst out laughing! WHAT? HOLD UP! I WAS STUNNED!!!

Where IN THE H....HAM SANDWICH did that come from!

And WHO THE H...Ham Sandwich is she to spread such a thing!

After I got over my initial shock, my brain started thinking. It's not true! but IF SHE THOUGHT it was true...,WHY IS SHE LAUGHING rather pulling me aside to VERIFY or CLARIFY OR offer to lend a helping hand if she was in the position to do so??? If not, why bother to say anything? BECAUSE...there are people who take pleasure in other people problems. It takes their minds off of their own! Whether it's true or not...dirt fills up holes in pathetic lives, I tell you!!

Tsk.Tsk. Tsk.

See people, this is my point, Rumor and Gossip spreaders are a bunch of ...

...SAD, MISERABLE....PEOPLE!

For shame I tell you! For shame, for adults to carry on this way!

It didn't stop there! For a while, certain people would see me in the break room and point me out. A cleaning lady, sitting at the next table from me, looked right at me and told her lunch partners "I heard she don't have any food at home that's why she's not eating much." Then, all of them turned and looked at me too. Now I could have gone off and said something, but I thought it best not to because it would not have been nice and just my luck I would have probably gotten disciplined by my boss. Sometimes, it's just not worth it. Still, Other things that occurred around the same time included, certain people coming up to me in the lunch room offering me food. It was humiliating! Though some of them may have been acting in compassion, it was still humiliating because I know it came from ugly talk and not something

I divulged to ANYONE of them, because I DIDN'T NEED THAT KIND OF HELP!!!!

The funny thing, I don't remember any of them asking me if something was wrong! In fact, it's no secret amongst those who have worked closely with me that I have in the past experienced a great deal of stomach trouble. I won't divulge what it is, but for a while I could not and did not want to eat very much because it just caused me problems. The pain would wake me up in the middle of the night. I didn't sleep very well for along time and I must have looked horrible! In fact, I left early one day last year in part because of it! Still, at the time, none of those rumor spreaders cared to find out anything else other than what they thought they knew!

Because of things like that, (People who aren't really knowing) there are people on the job who still talk to me in a poor person mind set. They have spoken to me as if I am less than the human that I am, without much to give, as I have to given of myself there. Case in point: Someone I had spoken to about some future goals I had set for myself said to my face "Well, none of us are ever going to be what we really want to be!" Then he laughed. What was funny about that? I didn't get it and needless to say, I have not gone back to that person to speak on anything, Although I am polite when I see him. That defeated attitude may work for him, but I don't accept it for myself!

Even as recent as two days ago something else happened! My job was having a special employee sale of some of it's in-house items and I had just come into work and decided to go back to the sale, as I had been there the day before I had purchased some items for a co-worker who was working during the sale, as well as for myself. But, as I prepared to go back to the sale one of my co-workers said to me, "You have to have money to go there". I asked her, "What did you say?" Without blinking, she said it again, "You have to have money to go there."

I thought, WOWWWWW! No kidding! You mean to tell me that

YOU HAVE TO MONEY TO PURCHASE SOMETHING!!!!!

OH! MY GOSH! I SHOULD HAVE THANKED HER FOR TELLING ME!

Without her, where would I be?

SHE JUST OPENED UP MY WORLD WITH NEW KNOWLEDGE!!

Please note: That was really insane and unfeeling.

THE OTHER REEAALLLY INSANE part about it is, MOST of these people I work with, don't make over $10.00 an hour and they are PART-TIME! AND they are coming to work just like I am.

SO, WHAT in the ...H...am...?

If you don't need the money like everybody else who works...

STAY HOME or GO DO SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Just STOP BOTHERING the rest of us! Stop bothering ME!

Wanna know something else?

Ugly Talk does really DOES affect relationships and how we view and treat people.

In my case, it also doesn't help that I take the bus to and from work!

By the way, you don't have to be poor to ride a bus! I ride the bus with lawyers, teachers, city workers, business people. I have ridden it so much that I have noticed that sometimes conversations form with other riders. Heck, why not! Anyway, people ride the bus for different reasons. While it is true some can't afford cars or the maintenance of them, some don't prefer to drive in the city, other have vehicles in repair etc.. The list goes on and on!

While I have not changed who I am in kindness, (Hey! I'm still polite!)

I have matured some more because of ugly talk. I no longer find it necessary to "pretend" to like people who I KNOW have spread and said ugly things about me or people I know, whether I like the people they are talking about or not! While I still am polite and will greet the rumor and gossip millers (usually quite briefly), I do not put on airs of smiling at them as if I enjoy being in their presence! Instead I greet them with this in mind...I recognize them for the human beings that they are and respect THAT PART about them! GOD must have seen something in their spirits to ALLOW them to be born, just like he did with me. So, who am I to judge?

I understand that I, myself am far from perfect. Still, there are some things that we don't have to put up with about each other.

So, I just guard myself when I am around people who divulge in "ugly talk", take note of MYbehavior and act as maturely as I can! When you know better, you are more likely to DO BETTER! At least that's what works for me! It also helps to have people in your life who will keep YOU IN CHECK! AND THESE ARE MY FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS SUBJECT...for now!

Thanks for reading, Yes! It is good to get it out!

Please share this blog series on Rumors. There are some other things to think about as well. Hopefully something can be learned!

Meetta Talks! MEN GOSSIP TOO! RUMORS, PT.4

Now, back to Men Gossip too!

Here is are some examples of the dis-comfort that it has caused

at least in my life recently.

Because I take the bus to and from work, it's about a 25 minute walk from the Bus stop to the door of my job and the back again after work! Some of the men I see regularly, going that way (just as some women do) have offered me a ride to the bus stop. I've taken some of the rides as some of these fellows I recognize and have spoken to. Plus, when I get a ride to the bus stop, I usually can make the first bus, rather than have to wait another 30-45 minutes for the next one, after I've already worked a full days shift! In light of the change in some of the men, the way they have been acting towards me lately, I have refused ALL of their ride offers! I do have one buddy though that comes across more like a doting big brother! Even if I first reject a ride, he always insist looking to protect me by giving me a ride, making sure I get home quickly and safely more than anything! He'll even keep riding until we see a bus, then he lets me off a stop or two ahead of it so as not to miss it. See, he lives completely in the opposite direction so he doesn't offer to take me all the way home. And Yes! he is happily married and we talk about "the Mrs. " all the time! I am looking forward to meeting her some day.

So, it has caused me to re-think some things. I still refuse to accept rides from certain men I work with because I don't know within them, who to have confidence in! I barely speak to any of them outside of working conversations, even in my own department! So, as to not add any fuel to anything some of them may be concocting. One of the fellows who gave me a ride, took me all way home a few times because he and his wife don't live that far from me! I don't do that any more either, even though a car ride home saves me 1 hour in travel time! A car ride home for me is usually only about 20-30 minutes compared to the 1-1/2 to 2 hours that it takes for me to get from the job site to my front door! Considering the facts and adding the walking, the waiting and the fact that it takes me 2 buses each way home and to work, a car ride is quite enjoyable. Maybe, just maybe, my scenario will cause you to have respect for bus riders too!

Though there are thousands of regular bus riders, this is my scenario. See, after getting on the first bus, I ride for 45 minutes. I get off, walk to the second bus stop, stand and wait. Then I ride for another 10-15 minutes and that bus actually lets me off approximately 3 blocks from my apartment. Good thing I am a walker in pretty good health. Whew! After all of this, that is a great big reason why I am in the first place!

And, Oh Yeah! Young men gossip and spread rumors too! There are a few young men who I have overheard say negative things in my presence about me too. " I heard she...." They'll just stare at me if they see me coming or giggle and laugh. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Most of them, I have never worked with and have never even had a conversation with!

See, the thing is, when people start spreading "ugly Talk", it just doesn't STAY within that group of people who are doing the talking, negative stuff, especially, tend to

"take on wings and fly high like birds". Like I said, 'MISERY LOVES COMPANY" so it just drags others in! Again, it takes the attention off of ones' own life and put it onto another.

And people don't care how hurtful what they are saying can be, especially if it is said to someone who is close to the talked about ,maybe even to the the persons child. This happened to my own son! What about when the talk gets back to the person who is being talked about? Which it usually does! At least some of it. Because who can say how much garbage these miserable, monstrous people put out on a daily basis? "Ugly Talk" is quite destructive. I have heard of people quitting jobs, been fired from jobs, people have gotten beat up or been the one who got beat up all because of hurtful things that were said and heavily spread. Many things were found out later to be UN-true!

Whether they were true or not,

every ones business IS NOT YOURS TO KNOW!

"RUMORS, MY FINAL THOUGHTS"....TO FOLLOW

STAY TUNED.....

MEETTA TALKS!...EVEN MORE! Rumors, Part 3

By the way,

MEN SPREAD RUMORS AND GOSSIP TOO! Hmph!

I know men talk this way! Hey! I'm in the public eye most of the time, so I hear things. I work with men! I take public transportation and there is a whole lot of unwanted overhearing of conversations in that area, especially now that cell phone conversations have reach no limit!

Also, I grew up around my 4 older brothers and 6 uncles, (my mothers brothers) and just to mention the fact that I am an intelligent female adult whose lived a full life up to this point and I didn't fall off a turnip truck in the land of Merry Merry! Men refer to what they do between each other as"talking", but they refer to what women do as gossipping! This is a good place to explain what gossip REALLY is!

According to THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER DICTIONARY, New Edition copyright 2004,

Gossip is: rumor or report of intimate facts AND...

A Gossip is a person who HABITUALLY reveals personal or sensational facts;

Talking, simple means:To express in speech: utter words: Speak: etc.

* Still, depending on what you are talking about shapes and transforms the conversation into other things including gossip and rumor spreading.

*Please Note, The gossip they spread DOES NOT constitute as being truth! That brings us to RUMOR. Rumor is:Common Talk: A statement or report current BUT NOT AUTHENTICATED! Do you hear that? Rumors are reports that HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN! Which means that you cannot trust what you hear and you SHOULD ALWAYS take into account from whom the information is coming! What's their interest or angle on the subject anyhow! Especially considering the damage that can be caused from spreading rumors and gossip! You may never know what the damage to someone is, but you can trust that spreading gossip, especially untruths can cause ALOT OF HARM!

Knowing all of this, that's why I am careful about who I listen to, what I share with others and how I represent myself especially around men! That's why, though I am naturally a very friendly outgoing person now, I recently recognized the need to be very, very cautious about how I greet male employees, ESPECIALLY while on my job! I keep my distance now! See, that's why I don't believe in dating people on the job.

Suppose things don't work out right and your business is all over the place. At a place where you've got to spend much time in the area of years being at facing these people about something that happened in your personal life that they had no business in knowing anyway!

I think that is just asking for trouble and I have not in all my 5 1/2 years on the job dated anyway, nor been open to it! My work life is my work life and my personal business is for home...outside of work! That keeps me from being interested in anyone on my job also!

Still, I would stop and greet certain fellow employees, saying hello! How is the Mrs.? the kids? We'd chit chat a little bit as we go to our designated work areas. I'd wave, if they were too far from me to speak to. You know, just greeting and speaking politely to my co-workers! BUT I greet the women employees the same way! Thing is, something has changed at work so, I don't greet people like I used to, anymore. Especially the men! Like I said, "MEN GOSSIP TOO!" I've noticed that certain older fellows, when they see me coming, will change their conversation or look at me in odd ways. Someone I used to Chit chat with, recently walked past me and dropped his head as he was coming toward me as if trying to avoid me. IT WAS WEIRD!

See, I'm not sure if this is also apart of racial profiling, because ALL of these men are older men of (a different ethnic group). This group of employees occupy a large portion of employee ratio as compared to the percentage of young African-American women employed there, such as myself! Let me just say this, just as there is rumor and gossip everywhere, there is racial prejudice and racial stereo typing EVERY WHERE! So, with that in mind, it's honest to say that it where I work as well! People HAVE their views about certain kinds of people. I do and if you are honest, YOU DO TOO on some level or other! You think you know a person by the way they dress, speak, look or what area they were born in or live in or even BY THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN! You have pre-conditioned ideas of them already swirling around in your head that DOES affect they way you treat people! Come on you know it!

*Check out my article in "SOCIAL SCENE...RACIAL PROFILING" coming soon

"MEETTA TALKS, Rumors!" Pt. 4 last part of Series... Stay Tuned.

TO BE CONTINUED

MEETTA TALKS!...Some More! Rumors,Part 2

(I'm re-posting this series on this subject, as I've found it necessary.)

Yep, RUMORS and GOSSIP...

...Are at work in the bathroom, staff room, employee dining room, hallway and even in the parking lot! Rumors and gossip are at the time clock while punching in and punching out! IT'S IN THE MANAGERS OFFICES! Rumors and gossip saturate and permeate the work place! It's in your apartment building, at home, with people calling on the phone to want spread the latest "news", etc.. You can't out run it!

I don't believe most people when they say, "he say , she day, don't bother me!". You know it does! That is why some of those people have shared their frustrations about it with me, with you or maybe your the person that is sharing their frustration! Just like I am sharing mine with you now, Reader. So , those people need to stop lying and deal with their feelings about it, just as I found I needed to!

AHH! Now where was I? Ah Yes!
Let's start with RUMORS AGAIN! OOH! Somebody just cringed.

Rumors are nasty little things that just keep on growing like weeds in a garden! You break them off, you stomp on them, because you are always trying to figure out how to kill them dead, but you find that up-rooting them or killing the root is the only way! Sometimes, you do have to approach the person who you know are spreading hurtful things about you , but does that ever really stop them? Sometimes it does! You can say a thing to a person in a real and intelligent manner and get their attention. You can say a thing that hits them right where they live and stop them in their tracks! So, sometimes talking does help! Other times though, not so much. During those times is really when you have to concentrate on yourself, how you choose to deal with it inside of yourself. So, here I share some of my thoughts on how I view and deal with the rumor mill and those that create it.

Rumors are USUALLY spread by unknowing, and often, miserable people who are unhappy or disillusioned about there own lives! So, they turn their attention on to you and others! My advice is to not take it personal. Instead, HAVE MERCY on the little...sad sack of a man or woman that are spreading them!
Their lives are really SO PATHETICALLY UNFULFILLED that they need to do this rather than take their focus and put it back on THEIR OWN LIVES! Remember, Happy or joyful people (and there is a difference)...

ARE NOT interested in sharing crap! They are usually the ones that are smiling regularly, wanting to share positive things about life with you and every one in their presence! They want to focus on the good and bring that to your life as well.

Negative people on the other hand, want you to share in their negativity, because that is all they have to offer you and themselves. "Misery loves company!" Have you ever heard that saying? Well, JOY does too! Joy loves to be spread! But it's up to you to choose which one you'd prefer in your life!

Reader, I know by now that you have figured out that I have once again found myself to be the center target for "the rumor and gossip club." You are right! So, remembering what my Pastor once told me, "If they are talking negatively about you AND you haven't done anything to warrant the negative talk, especially as a believer in Christ, you must be doing something right!" Because people of little understanding and knowledge about Character cannot justify things "doing good unto evil", they think something is wrong with me! They don't understand why I try to love my enemies, greeting them in a positive manner and even have a friendly conversation with them at times. Oh ! I KNOW they don't like me, smile in my face and talk behind my back and I was not always completely out of ear shot! Still, I refuse to be like them or let them change my positive behavior. It's get hard sometimes, but I endure determined not to be like them! Then, it helps to have the kind of people in my life that care about me without limit, my family, (particularly my son) and my "REAL FRIENDS" to help keep me on track for the journey that life is! I am grateful that I have learned some things from this time.

"Meetta Talks, Rumors" A Special Series

To Be continued Stay Tuned!

Meetta TALKS!...Rumors Part 1

(READERS,

I FELT THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES NEEDED TO BE REPOSTED with additions)

Lately,

I have been given a great many things to say and it has been really hard to choose exactly where to start! Can I tell you that SO MANY things have been going on lately, that life has given me SO MUCH to write about! For some columns, I have enough material to last me clean through Christmas!
Ideas for my "ON THE JOB" column, for example, will last me through Easter! One event happened to me on the job that gave me ideas for at least four(4) articles.

See, I am a person who understands that LIFE is about the JOURNEY as much as it is about the destination. So, I don't want to take my eyes off of the lessons of EVERYDAY, because I know I will miss something if I do. With that in mind, I must share with you of a major lesson I was reminded of. The lesson is "If people are negatively talking about you, ESPECIALLY
if you have not done anything to warrant that kind of attention, then you must be doing something right!"

Doing something right! What was he speaking of? I thought, How could my doing something right justify that kind of behavior from others? Still, that is what one of my Pastors said to me a long time ago when I went to him asking for advice on how to handle hurtful gossip and rumors that were being spread about me. YES! There are people in church who participate in saying and spreading hurtful, wrong things too! Now, before you say, things like "See, that's why I don't go to church" or "See, that's why I'm not Christian because Christians are just hypocrites!" remember
to CHECK YOURSELF before you wreck yourself!
'Cause somewhere in your life, you are jacked up too!

You have lied, been a hypocrite also, doing one thing and saying another and WITHOUT REMORSE! You have stolen, gossipped, got people fired and wrongfully so! You frivolously gambled your money away or you have simply mis-managed your money and now you are homeless or just can't pay your bills! You have slutted around, (I'm talking to both men and women!). You don't take care of your children! You have cheated on your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. Heck you cheated on school tests, employment tests, drug test too! You put people down so as to build yourself up. The list goes on and on and on! So, like I said, BEFORE YOU SAY... "See that's why...", remember that when you point a finger, 3 of your fingers are pointing immediately, right back at you!

A good point to this is, rumors and gossip like other weaknesses, spread to every area of life! Those areas include the church, the home and even on the job!

THAT IS THE MAJOR REASON, when I go on my break at work,

I often go UPSTAIRS in the employee room where it is a lot quieter! The only people that are usually up there are people who work in different departments such as the grounds crew or security and NONE OF THEM are interested in speaking with me, trying to keep conversation! It is peaceful and usually a lot quieter than it is downstairs AND I ABSOLUTELY enjoy MY BREAKS BETTER this way, although, when it is hardly anyone downstairs, I will still, from time to time, eat my lunch on the first floor. The last few times though, I 've regreted staying downstairs, but that's another article, * (People who you know don't like you, yet still want to talk and ask you questions about you, or people who butt in on conversations where they are NOT invited! Hey! That's two other article ideas!)

Anyway, Funny thing with going upstairs and trying to get away from the gossips and rumor spreaders is that today, when I went in to take my lunch break, two women co-workers that work in my area, were there as well and of course I avoided them as

they are KNOWN rumor and gossip spreaders! No sooner than I was traveling upstairs that I heard one of them say, "I heard why she goes upstairs is because..." and I was not even fully out of ear shot yet! You See? See what I mean Dear Reader?...

RUMORS AND GOSSIP... follow you in EVERY AREA of your life!

Incidentally, I've found that most people don't know how to whisper, nor do they realize that the voice carries farther than you think!" Don't worry, I hear you, YOU COWARD! Gotta wait until I travel a few feet away before you whisper to another miserable...and terribly so! You must not have read my "On the Job, August 18, 2009 article on Two Faced Co-workers." Check it out in the archive section of my blog. There are lessons in it for everyone!

By the way, I don't understand people like these two ladies.

Obviously they don't like me, so I don't understand why they keep concerning themselves with me. Seems to me, they'd be better off using their focus, time and energy much more wisely. Hmm????? That reminds me, though one of them negatively has spoken of me, she ALWAYS completely ignores me when we are in each others presence, (which is GREEEAAATTTTTT! because she is absolutely NOT, a pleasant person!)

Why the other one still tries to speak to me in passing, is beyond me! She'll ask me questions like why I was picking up leaves at work. What's it to ya? I wanted to say. Instead, I opted to be nice and answer her question. It was a harmless question. It's just WHO was asking the question! See! I can be nice to people even though they are not so nice to me. Especially, when I don't rally want to be! That is called

M A T U R I T Y!

Still, I am very careful about what I say while I am in their presence, (those particular ladies) Actually, I've become even more careful and aware about the things I say in general and in front of whom. So, from this experience, Life has taught me that, yet again! But, talking to people you don't like? Especially about non-important issues. If it's necessary, work related or an emergency then I can see it! Other wise, why do it? You don't have to be mean to the person, just go on about your business! Some people you need to walk past! Put that focus, time and energy into something more worthwhile. Like I said, that is another article for another day!

Oh, the leaves? They are for a fall crafts project. I'm making laminated

place mats, coasters and decorations for the season. Someone visiting my work place gave me the ideas. I have a very cute, bi-level apartment which I like to decorate in very tasteful, colorful furnishings and accessories. And yes! I have invited some of my co-workers to. And Yes! I am also very much into holiday home decoration. One of the few pleasures I actually give to myself.

Rumors...TO BE CONTINUED ...Stay Tuned!

COMMUNITY CORNER

Community Corner posts include anything that can help you have a better life, ie.
Medical information, like where to find medical free or low cost care for the uninsured. I also posts yard sales in these tough economic times, job information, etc. As I receive info, I post it. Hope this site helps someone!
Meetta

Michiganders,
Here is some more pertinent medical information on:
FREE or LOW COST Clinics in the Tri-County Area.

CHASS CLINIC
5635 W. Fort St.
Detroit, MI. 48209
Phone: 313-849-3920
Mon., Wed., Thurs., Fri. 8:00-5-00pm
Tuesday, 8:30am-8:00pm

DETROIT HEALTH DEPT.
Herman Kiefer
1151 Taylor
Detroit, MI.
Phone: 313-876-4826
Mon., TUES., Thur., Fri., 8:00am-4:30pm

ST. JOHN COMMUNITY HEALTH CENTER
3000 Gratiot Ave.
Detroit, MI.
Phone: 313-567-7462
Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri., 9:30am-3:15pm