Men, Women and Children go through a vast amount of emotional ups and downs. Every so often, they get blindsided by curve balls. Like when relationships fizzle. Every body involved gets hurt you know! Even the man! And unfortunately, often times the child's' pain gets over shadowed by the adults pain. So, how do you resolve it?
How do you get the focus shifted?
How do you help your child cope and grow from the experience and grow out of the pain? What do YOU do to keep YOURSELF going? Especially, if you are the custodial parent?
What happens to your grief when there is no time to grieve because
YOU are the one who has got to stay strong for the kid?
How do you cope? How DID you cope?
Did you just move on to another relationship?
Even though you know your heart wasn't in it? Did you try to make amends with the other parent? I mean, including just trying to be friends?
At least, just for the child's sake! How did that work out?
See, I can imagine that these are all questions that many women and men have asked in such situations. Whether they asked themselves or their best friends or counselors or even prayed to God for the answers. When people get faced with things they don't understand...they ask questions! They ask questions because they are in search for relief. They need answers!
You might be wondering, Where did this topic come from?
Well, I've got a friend going through a divorce that she didn't ask for!
They have two teenage sons that are involved. It's ugly and she doesn't understand....Period!
I have another friend who has been divorced for many years. The husband left her to raise their 6 children. She suffered lack of food, finances, beds. Now, all of the children are adults, some with families, ALL with careers! One son works in Italy, all praises be to God! Within the last year or so, the husband has relocated back to Michigan and want a repoire with his adult children and a "FRIENDSHIP" with my friend, his ex-wife, whom he abandoned.
I, myself am included in this topic of discussion.
Last Monday on November 9Th, my son turned 19 years old. His birthday sparked a few things. Namely this article. Not to mention the fact that I am 41, turning 42 next month and spent the last 19 years of my life, as a single mother, raising this young man. It was not easy!
He and I both suffered a lot, in many ways! Including, suffering the astigmatism of being labeled a"statistic." Another Black family, experiencing single parenthood. Single parenthood was not what either of us wanted, particularly my son and me! But it is, what it is!
It was hellish, some of the things we had to go through, my son and I.
I spent more time away from home trying to work, sometimes 2 jobs, and delivering him
by 2-3 busses per day, EACH WAY to baby sitters way across town before and after work!
I was living off of 2-3 hours sleep per day. I was also spending WAY TOO MUCH MONEY!
At one point, I was paying the babysitter more that I was making just to have someone keep my son ,so I could keep my job! WOW!!!!
That's when I discovered for myself, that if people can take advantage of you, even during hard times...THEY WILL! So, a lot of lessons came out of my single parent situation.
I also learned much about myself as a mother and a woman!
My priorities slowly shifted and the "me thing" began to slowly fall away!
I also learned a lot about men, decision making, raising children, being the head of a household, NOT being in control and what that feels like.
I learned what TRUE FORGIVENESS is!
I experienced BROKENNESS and THE NEED TO GIVE OVER to something greater than myself. I found it in the presence and word of the Lord thy God!
I also found comfort in the presence of some of the people of God who were experiencing that need too! Some of my BEST friends, I found at my local church during that time in my life.
They are still considered to be a HUGE PART of me and my son's family!
They are ones that are with us through good and bad times, more so than our blood family!
Thankfully, the lessons kept coming! Learning the VALUE AND WORTH OF being
a MOTHER is truly a lesson that has to be learned!
Notice that I didn't say anything about a Baby Mama!
That is a terrible term, by the way!
There is also a distinction between the two!
STAY TUNED...
FOR PART 2 OF "WHEN RELATIONSHIPS GO AWRY.''
In next weeks post of MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN
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