Finishing up with Assertiveness for my article...
"Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness, part 1", posted on April 27, 2010. under this column heading. Let's finish up with some short tips on how to train yourself to be more assertive. But first; Know this ...
Assertiveness is applying your right to express yourself without violating
the right of others.
Aggressiveness is expressing yourself at the expense of others.
Assertiveness and Aggressiveness are not the same thing!
Each time an opportunity occurs to be assertive, make notes in a small notebook. Consider
#1) keeping it in your pocket or purse.
Record the specific event that called for assertiveness response.
#2) What personal right was involved ( i.e. the right to say "NO!")
#3) How you responded. What did you say?
#4) What did well in this situation.
#5) Reminders to yourself about what you will do next time to be.
A FEW ASSERTIVENESS TIPS
"Assertiveness frequently means using "I statements" combined with a word that describes "what", I" I need", "I would prefer", "I do not like", "I am upset about", etc. Be careful not to minimized such statements by couching them with questions that subordinate your needs. For example: "I don't want to go to the store with you-do you mind?" or "I'm tired, can you do the dishes to night--is that okay with you?
"BEING ASSERTIVE.... IS NOT EASY FOR EVERYBODY!"
You may have a personal history or childhood experiences that serve as strong roadblocks to the changes you want to make. If you find it necessary, seeking counseling on asserting yourself can be a positive move to talk out your difficulties with it.
Remember, know when assertiveness is necessary, but do try and practice it in your life.
Your voice deserves to be heard and your rights deserve to be protected.
Take Care, Ms. Meetta
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