FOR WOMEN ONLY!-The "SHE SAIDS" AMONG US

LET US INVESTIGATE THE NATURE OF THE WOMAN.

WOMEN, SISTER GIRLS...

"No matter that we are not related, or if we've ever met, no matter your race, creed, or culture, we are all united by humanity."

So Sister Girls, I feel comfortable in saying to you what I am about to say.

In spite of all the woman's positive attributes, like having a nurturing, compassionate nature and being exceptionally strong in truly adverse situations, Some of us...... ARE SOME STUBBORN, MEAN, NASTY, UN-UNITED, NON-SUPPORTIVE, BETRAYING, BACK STABBING, CRUEL, HATEFUL CREATURES!

YES! This is coming out of the mouth of the woman who also said and wrote that "WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL BLESSED THINGS!" I also wrote in that same passage...that many women, don't know it!

You may be saying "WELL, WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM MEETTA?"

It's coming from a place of wisdom. It's coming from a place of truth!

It's also right to say, that it is coming from a place of hurt.

Sister Girls, I have but only Love for you all! Those of you who know me personally, who have spent any time with me, FOR REAL, know this!

KNOW THAT I MEAN THIS ALSO! If I could sit down to a cup of coffee with you all and get to know you, bond, laugh with you, share things and grow with you, I would! THOSE CLOSE TO ME, KNOW THAT I WOULD EVEN FOOT THE BILL!

I've never had sisters growing up and THAT is a HUGE thing that I always wanted, but never really got! So, bonding and building relationships with other women has ALWAYS been important to me! I have been fortunate (blessed) enough to have some wise, strong, truthful, supportive, creative women placed in my life! So, I am blessed with "Sisters", though not blood related. Oh! there were "Sisters' in my family!

My Dad had other children, 3 girls and a boy, They (the other children, then adults)

knew about me when I was born, but I didn't know about them until I was 25 years old! After 2 years of trying, to build a bridge between some of them, it was decided by 3 out of 4 of my siblings that I didn't belong amongst them! "It was too painful" I was told. Though " it was not personal, seeing me and having me around brought up too many bad memories".

THREE SETS of children after 2 marriages and one relationship in between, is what my Dad had! And that is another situation that created much problem with the women AND the children! It speaks a lot on the nature of a woman, 3 women, one man and 3 families! It speaks on the strength of women and that ugly competitive spirit that awakens in women especially when men are involved. It also touches on the subject of weak and selfish men.

Those relationships, put all of us involved, in UNWANTED situations that opened the door to future problems that we could not plan for, especially, us kids involved! So, in talking about this with you, I find it necessary to probe the secrecy's of numerous families, and what that entails. Because those relationships ARE NOT about the here and now, they are about TOMORROW AND YEARS LATER! Kids grow up, you know! They develop mature minds and emotions that have to be dealt with. Also, the kids have to deal with the influences of the parents because from the parent is where children learn so much about life and how to deal with the expected and unexpected of it!

As a product of one of these relationship, I will explore the feelings of the women involved, the feelings like betrayal and broken trust. I better understood why my mother had such animosity towards my Dad and why my family spiraled out of control! I will give insight into my own thoughts about this considering my astonishment I experienced at 25 years old, when I found out that I had another set of siblings that I never knew about! Out of examining "THE NATURE OF A WOMAN", 3 SETS sprung out of it!

So, THREE (3) sets is another article, yet to come.

In fact, years ago I wrote a poem about 3 sets and what that can do to a family. I will post that poem also when I do the article.

Anyway. I started out talking about the nature of women.

I'm speaking from a woman's point of view, not a man's!

While it is true, that we are naturally sexual, sensual beings, we also have a side of us that if awakened, we become something totally different! Often times we blame men for many things! In most cases, they deserve the blame, but many, many other times, it is women who create problems and know how to stir that pot real well to keep it going!

There are stories of blood related sisters who have slept with the other ones husband or boyfriend. It is sisters and best friends who lied on each other and tore lives apart for whatever misguided excuse "reason" they used to justify it! What about when a woman is being physically, verbally and emotionally abused by a man? When I was a kid, my mom had friends who were the victims of this kind of thing and my mom would open our house to them for refuge. So, I saw it first hand. My mom wasn't the type of woman, that would question these woman and say "WHAT DID YOU DO TO cause this? As if it was the woman's fault the man nearly killed the woman! BUT, THERE ARE MANY OF US, WOMEN, WHO HAVE AND STILL ACT THIS WAY! (Those guys were just terrible, controlling, jealous jerks!) What about the fact that generally speaking, men are NATURALLY stronger than women and unless protecting himself from a life threatening attack from a woman, he should not be beating or hurting the woman in ANY WAY!

Sisters, WHY DON'T' WE ASK THIS QUESTION MORE OF THE MEN WHO HURT these women? SAYING, BROTHER what's wrong with YOU to be doing that to my Sister, mother, neighbor Girl or whoever? WOMEN, WHY are WE SO HATEFUL AND UNLOVING TOWARDS EACH OTHER? It can't be "love" you have for your sister, daughter, aunt, friend, helpless stranger or mother even, that you would excuse women getting abused! If you "love" me, you would help me or at least support me! Hate takes us to the other side of the spectrum where we just don't give a darn! "It's not me!", some of you might say.

It's a shame, tragedy and a travesty is all I'm saying, sisters, the way some of us are!

There are Sisters, daughters, mothers, best friends have betrayed other women in their lives on some level! Many of these betrayals involve a wide range of other issues, everything from lying, how to properly raise children, money issues, gossip and rumor spreading, broken trust, jealousy, use their feminine wiles to manipulate and steal some ones man, all the way to putting themselves in the middle of a man and his children!

YES! There are women out here who would put themselves in the middle of the man they supposedly "Love" and HIS CHILDREN!

So desperate that they would knowingly rob and potentially ruin the child's life so that they could have the man all to themselves.

These kind of women are very dangerous in that, they use their "feminine wiles" to even have power over a man! Um HM.

Some of you all know what I'm talking about!

If you have an ex-mate, whether through divorce etc. that has or had a "SHE SAID" in his life, then you know what kind of disastrous problems that can create.

The "SHE SAID'S", especially, using their feminine wiles can influence a mans decision making even when it comes to his kids! They are especially powerful over weak minded men, selfish, prideful men. Over time, and sometimes all of a sudden, the man starts to begin sentences with "SHE SAID,

I should do this," SHE SAID ...I should do that!

Sometimes, "THE SHE SAID'S" get much bolder and start "suggesting" to the man as what he should do, in relation to you and the kids. I know of one particular "SHE SAID' that go so bold and the man started telling the ex, whom he had kids with,

what she (the ex) should be doing. This is the man, in relation to the children..."SHE SAID that YOU should...". HUH?

The guy was talking like something off of Star Trek! Like when someone would put one of those alien bugs in someones ear to control them! WHEW! I tell you, Listening to a man with

"SHE SAID" on his lips is a very frightening thing!

I even think their eyes glaze over! It's scary I tell you !

JUST PLAIN SCARY!

Sisters, if you are a 'She Said' or know of one, you need to investigate how and why you are that way. BECAUSE you have the power of creating

SO MUCH HURT for yourself, the man you "supposedly love" and especially where their are children involved."She Said's", have affected relationships of ALL TYPES, including friendships and relationships within close families! "She Said's", have and can create so much hurt in innocent people including and especially children, people who have nothing to do with your inner issues! People who ARE NOT deserving of the mess that you potentially can cause! Women, I tell you...the nature of a woman...IS FRIGHTENING!

Sister Girls, (women of all races, creeds and colors) even women on the job have caused terrible problems. They let their misery affect their minds and have done things like gotten terrible rumors and gossip started.

Using favoritism against other people, lying on other people or using their weakness or even their niceness to get ahead of them. Some women have even gotten people wrongly fired for their own cruel personal reasons!

Some power hungry, desperate woman would call this "fair play", "strategizing", "Just doing my job". I call it "conniving!"

There are Supervisors and other people in leadership who get involved in this kind of dirtiness on the job. A blatant misuse of power!

WOMEN, I will leave you now, to think on these things I have shared with you. I love you , but you my Sisters, but some of us HAVE SOME TERRIBLE WAYS! I was always taught to tell the truth that...

...THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!"

What are your thoughts on the matter of this post?

PLEASE FEEL free to comment by clicking on the pencil at the bottom of this post.

REMEMBER, that these posts are to inform (educate), support and inspire growth from, NOT to bash!

THANKS, MEETTA

MEN, WOMEN, & CHILDREN-Rejection, Part 3

This is the 3rd part in a series on Rejection.

"When Relationships go awry, especially when kids are involved."

Of course...

...discussing the subject of rejection is necessary!

Rejection creates pain and situations that can add enormous burden to any heart, young or old, rich or poor, woman, man, boy or girl.

Rejection can have tremendous negative affects on a person's entire life, including everything from having an ability to establish and maintain positive relationships to self esteem.

AM I LOVED? AM I REALLY CARED FOR, CONCERNED ABOUT?

AM I DESERVING OF REAL LOVE? WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE REALLY LOVED?

WHO REALLY CARES WHETHER I LIVE OR DIE?

WHAT IS REAL LOVE?

WHAT DID I DO TO HAVE THIS HAPPEN TO ME? Is also a BIG question that comes up often to those traumatized by REJECTION.

READERS,

Consider my life for a moment! I was a Foster Care Kid which taught me the importance of having an extended family! In many situations, extended families are more necessary than the natural family! Anyway, I was in Foster Care because my parents could not get it together and they were married! I wasn't in there because I was a bad kid, BECAUSE I wasn't

a bad kid! I was in the system because I was an unfortunate casualty of

a broken home. My Dad, left MOM (US) when I was about 9 and it was hellish from that point on.

At 15 years old, the Court took me from my mother. No tears, please!

Her pain and suffering brought and caused SO MUCH PAIN and suffering into the lives of ALL her children! So, I was a child who was traumatized by an adult relationship going awry! I was fortunate in that I was rescued and lived to adulthood in the Foster Care system.

I had a good experience unlike many! See, I told you, NO TEARS, PLEASE!

GOD through those people, SAVED MY LIFE! At 31, I committed my life to him fully, though I was "Church Kid" since I was small. Pain of broken families, yeah! I would say, I'm an expert on that, because it happened to me!

So, I know what I am talking about!

The sad thing is, my family has never really healed.

Yeah! My mom went on, but not really. For all that that means. All of us kids just grew up! But for some of my siblings, life never got truly better!

Dear Reader, You need to know that that kind of pain, when relationships go awry, especially for the kids in question,

no matter how old they get, is REAL!

The kids, no matter what the age, get affected by what happens between the adults too!

Often times, the pain is greater for them, THE CHILD,

than it is for the adults! The problem solving ability and verbiage to express themselves is not yet matured in a child

of young age. So, how they handle things is MUCH DIFFERENTLY THAN ADULTS!

How the parents treat each other after the relationship is over, ALSO GREATLYaffects, shapes and molds the way that the kids grow to handle certain situations.

We need to think about that MOMS and DADS!!!

Who else needs to think about this and apply it to their lives is ...Mom and Dad's new mates as well! NEW MATES, THIS IS because your relationship with your mate,

(the child's parent), can greatly affect positively or negatively, the relationship with them and their child!

How YOU VIEW that child is another big influence!

My sons Dad's mate, initially DID NOT want my son around because..."She is jealous of him (our son) because he is yours and mine and NOT hers and mine".

"SHE SAID, that I should not keep buying him (our son) clothes...I should be putting that money into our (his and her) household! It is written as was told to me, by my sons Dad when our son was just 4 years old! Oh, I was told a few more things over the years of what "SHE, SAID", He should do! Like, "She said, ...You should be bringing him (our son) to me! I should not have to come pick him up..." She said, she said, she said...It was like he no longer had his own mind! He was not the man I KNEW him to be!

...Finding ways to reject his own child.

See, I was REALLY done with that mess!

I didn't know I had my child with him AND HER! I thought this was OUR son, his and mine! I couldn't talk to THE DAD without hearing her and her negative, defeating advice! How insecure can a person be that they have to hold a kid hostage to their inner turmoil?

So, the hard, lonely journey of raising our (my) son as

a single mother...continued.

This...kind of person, "THE SHE SAID"...

...is whom The Dad, has set up family and is still with!

It is right to say, that she has greatly influenced the way he views our son, even today! Nothing got better! There were other problems too, but she REALLY added to them!

She helped shaped, AND strengthened The Dad's rejection of our son.

People, BE CAREFUL...

OF WHAT MATE YOU CHOOSE, ESPECIALLY if YOUR kids are not THEIRS!

Know this..."The Household"...

extends to the other families you created!

It IS NOT who you are with presently or just whose living in your house at the time! ALL OF the children YOU make are and remain FOREVER, YOUR SEED! YOU, in GODS EYES and also the Court's eyes still have a natural responsibility for those children! Stop letting "fools" talk you out of your Godly and natural responsibility because when the time is at hand that you stand before God on your judgement day, THAT FOOL WILL NOT BE THERE to take action for YOUR accountability! YOU WILL BE STANDING ON YOUR OWN IN GODS PRESENCE and on THEIR day, that fool will have enough to account for on their own, too!

YOU WON'T be able to rescue them either!

Not to mention, the hassle that the courts will put you through including possible jail time of delinquent child support etc..HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE COST?

What about the cost to the child? You leave with them a legacy of knowing their parent, their own blood, Dad / Mom,

DOES NOT CARE ABOUT THEM! Forsaking them for your own selfish gain. What really have you gained forsaking your child?

Is that dream life or dream mate you are have, REALLY worth the price that your child and you pay? Is it really worth it to lose your child's trust and respect, and the pain they have to deal with? Have you considered the cost, the price for your abandonment of your child?

THANK YOU READER,

Please STAY TUNED for the final entry to this series

on REJECTION.

MEETTA TALKS!

Meetta Talks! is where I share my life lessons and bits of wisdom.

I also share my observations that have developed through taking note of the experiences on my LIFE'S JOURNEY!

TODAY'S TOPIC IS : DON'T DIMINISH...

... THE SKILLS AND ABILITIES THAT YOU HAVE!

WHAT CAN I DO? If you are like me, then you have asked yourself this question many times in your adult life, particularly! Though, I know as kids, this affects us too! Especially if we are told, "You can't do that!' You don't have the talent etc." especially when we think we can achieve that thing! That kind of talk begins to challenge us. That kind of talk begins to shape and mold our thoughts about our potential, therefore, setting us on a path of self discovery!

I am focusing on when the question of "What can I do?", affects our adult lives. Because when you are and adult, that is when things like PURPOSE, RESPONSIBILITY and FINANCES start to REALLY come into play! You become really concerned about your place in the world and your affect on the people in it. You start asking yourself other questions too, like...

"How can I make my mark?"

"What will I accomplish that will be memorable and worthy?",

"What am I good at?", "How can I make a living, FOR REAL?"

See, these are adult questions, that come to ignite or at least spark a life of adult productivity.

These type of questions, help prepare and activate us. We would remain our child-like state of thinking if we do not consider these questions and take action to find the answers! In scenarios like when we move out on our own, away from our childhood home, or when we establish families of our own and become bread winners, we have to consider these questions we ask of ourselves!

It is necessary. I can't tell you how many times I have pondered what I can do?

Oh! I know I can do a lot of stuff and am very good at some of it. an employee of some business or other for over 20 years of my life.

I started working when I was 15.

So, I have amassed a great many skills usable in most workplaces.

I've been an Assistant Manager, so I have management skills. I've trained personnel. I have worked in restaurants creating seafood dishes, southern cuisine. I was a prep cook for a local Chef, pizza maker, burger flipper in those kinds of joints too! I very much enjoy cooking (creating), I can make a mean Smothered pork chop in tomato base! But cooking is not what

I want to pursue as a career! It's certainly not the thing that fills me to my core when it comes to what I think my Destiny is!

For the sake of time, I will tell you that Yes!, I have once again asked myself those ADULT questions that I have previously asked in this article and I do have one answer to them..."What can I do?"...CREATE!

I make beautiful things with my hands.

So, I am a crafts person! I love color, texture and how they play off of each other. I like home decor and have taken great pleasure in decorating my living quarters as best and creatively as I could over these many years, using whatever I had and could afford. That creativity and confidence which it built, has now allowed and lead me to publicize what I can do. So, I have decided to create and sell some of my wares in an on-line store! "Decorate with Meetta Jewelle". You can get to it by clicking on it from my blog page. Just look at the top right hand corner and click!

You'll be at my store front and can view items for purchase!

No. I haven't and won't take this on by myself.

Yes! I have been supplied with a GREAT TEAM of two individuals who are committed to and working hard to help actualize this endeavor!

Let me introduce you to them! My son Brad, is very talented

He is a wonderful writer of short stories, songs and poetry! But on the practical side, he is also a very talented tech kid. He is a whiz about using this computer! He can figure it out if the computer fritz's and I can't get off the blue screen! He's up on the particular sites and where to go to find things, as well. My son is the one who found the site for my On-Line Store.

He also took the pictures of the items with his COMPUTER CAMERA!

I have not a clue how to use it.

The other person is my new Assistant, Delia. She has come over and helped turn one of my living room walls into a "Garland Frame" in which to showcase my decorated holiday branch garland and wreaths. She will also be assisting in creating items like my signature pieces... Decorated KISSING BALLS! She is excited to do this, not only because she acknowledges and appreciates MY creativity, but also HERS! She didn't think she was that creative, until I sat

her down and encouraged her to face her fear, by having her decorate her own kissing ball! Now she's all in! She'll soon be one with the hot glue gun.

Not literally! You know what I mean. She's ready to start creating all of the orders we area expecting to get. Ha, HA! I'm laughing out loud now.

I think she will be of great help.

Now to end...

...Let me leave you with the inspiration for today's topic.

I was up early this morning learning something about this. Though I am a Christian and believe in reading the bible, as I grow from it! I read something this morning that gave me more insight into who I am and what I can do!

It helped me answer some of those adult questions I was asking recently.

Also, it gave me the knowledge that I need NOT "diminish" or think lowly

of those particular skills and abilities that I possess as being a crafts person......OF ANY KIND!

I'll just put a few excerpts and leave you to read it for yourself.

As a believer, it is important that I understood that reading the bible is not just reading, but taking from it what is "meant" for me to take form it and apply it to my life, making it personal! As I am directed.

EXODUS ch:31 verses 1-5

"Then the Lord, said to Moses, "See I have chosen.... And I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill and ability and knowledge in ALL KINDS OF CRAFTS-to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver, and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship."

God had a purpose for craftsmen then and he has a purpose for craftsmen now! As God IS NOT respecter of person, he gave and still gives skills, gifts, talents and abilities to women as well! You cannot be of service or give to others,

let alone take care of your family, if you have nothing!

As adults, we have to be able to provide for ourselves and our families and those in need as we are guided to assist in any way that we can!

God will give you the skills, the abilities, it's up to you to develop and use them!

He can also give you the ability to make wealth, but he is ALSO waiting to give you the wisdom and knowledge with which to use that wealth!

So, when you discover what it is, that you can do and what the purpose of that is... Go with it! "Because God regards all the skills of his people",

not merely those with big degrees and spiritual gifts! Everybody has great purpose and potential! Think about that man in Exodus chapter 31

that God GAVE Spirit -filled abilities in Artistic Craftsmanship!

"GOD takes notice of all the abilities God gives his people. So, don't diminish or think lowly of you , or anyone else's skill because they may not be part of a high position! This paragraph really stuck with me as I was also reading the foot notes for Exodus 31. This translation comes from the New International Version of the King James Bible.

So, WHAT CAN YOU DO?

THANKS FOR READING, UNTIL NEXT TIME ON...

"MEETTA TALKS!"

MEETTA'S READERS

Commenting on:

"THE THINGS MENS SAY," article I posted on November 4, 2009.

Isalee (not real name)said...

Wow Meetta, You are so right!

We (women) do have a bad habit of thinking that we can change a man! We hear them loud and clear, but we cover up what we heard and make it come out to what we WANT to hear! I trust there are some young "sistahs" who are reading this and learning from it. Even some of us older "sistahs", are still making mistakes because of matters of the heart. Men are very visual. You are right in saying that "they will put a bag over your head to get..." what you got!

Keep talkin Meetta.... somebody is listening!

meetta said...WOW!!!!! Isalee! I'm trusting too that somebody who needs it, is reading and learning also! Thanks you for standing in agreement with me about the growth and protection of our SISTAHS, whoever they may be! THANK YOU for sharing! I needed this!

From my heart...Much Love, Meetta

"TRUE BELIEVER"-This Morning!, Part 1

TOPIC: THIS MORNING!

First, let me tell you this.

I am a believer and follower of Christ Jesus.

I believe that he is the Son of the MOST HIGH GOD.

I believe in the Great "I AM."

I believe that "I AM" is the creator of Heaven, earth and all that is in it. MAN IS NOT GOD! We don't know all the answers!

GOD IS GOD! I will not sway from it.

This post IS NOT to persuade you to believe what I believe! This post is meant for me to share my life experiences related to what I believe and have learned through scripture, with those who will receive! It is about something greater to believe in. So, do not feel obligated or pressured to even read this post or any posts under this column title, that will subsequently follow in the weeks and months ahead. What is not for you, IS NOT FOR YOU! But, PLEASE feel free to read any other posts on my site that you may find interesting or even helpful!

I'm early this morning, because I had been awakened, by a need to get up and connect with the spirit of God. I knew I needed it particularly as I had not been spending as much time with him lately, as I should. I was waiting for my thoughts to collect. I was waiting for peace, so that I may enter into a place fellowship with the spirit of God. See, for a short while now, I have been troubled by the un-wanted experiences of life. I have gotten overwhelmed

at times, being the Head of a household, even being under Christ!

Because running a household was not meant to be done by one person!

Running a family was initially set u to be a duty shared by two, a man and a woman in Marriage, anointed by God! It was not meant to be run by a single mother, widow etc.. THANKS BE TO GOD that he mad women strong and resilient!

He is so wise to have that foresight.

Because of that overwhelming feeling that sometimes has come up against me, I have to be reminded, even reminding myself to give over to the spirit of and teaching of God's word. Not giving over to "the things of God", like I need to, lately has caused me troubles. It has troubled my sleep for one thing! It has consequently, also left me in dire need of early morning sessions with my Lord, in prayer.

Yes! this morning, I laid there until it was time to speak. When I spoke,

I praised The spirit of God. Gave praises to The Father and the Son. I am grateful that they are in my life, my sons life and that they hold us in the cradling of their arms.

We are pulled close to the bosom of the one we serve.

He has "never dropped us, 'never left us, nor forsaken us", my son and I.

WE believe that, sincerely because we know of the things we have gone through, been faced with, and how we stood alone during some of the WORST TIMES OF BOTH OUR LIVES, but somehow we were able to prevail. We prevailed, even WITHOUT THOSE PEOPLE that we felt should have been there with us to help! And Boy oh Boy do we have stories, my son and I!

Sometimes it gets to the place that my son and I just dance!

HEH, HEH. Yes! I'm laughing out loud when I said that.

My son and I dance!

Thinking about HOW GOOD GOD IS has been encouragement enough to celebrate! Sometimes when we are at home, we GRAB EACH OTHER BY THE HAND AND

we just DANCE, LAUGH, and SING PRAISES UNTO GOD!

We come together in faith, rejoicing and "standing" with each other in agreement.

We just let joy flow. JOY, is what you have and keep through good and bad times!

Happiness depends on circumstances and IS NOT lasting.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!

Amen to the angels that praise God 24 hours a day seven days

a week singing" HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!

Amen angels, Amen. Which means, I agree.

OK. I got a little excited! No back to the story.

I lay there this morning, with my apartment quiet, my son asleep upstairs.

I was free to have prayer in Christ, without distraction. I shared my thoughts and concerns in peace. I spoke a little. When the time came, I felt privy to speak some more! Though God knows ALL things, he still takes pleasure in when we recognize and speak to him showing that we believe! That we believe in him enough in that WE DO come to him! We believe, though we cannot see nor touch him, physically! So, I spoke. I shared some things, briefly that has been troubling me. Then before I knew it, he spoke back.

Now, like I already said,this post IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!

If you don't believe...

...then just scroll down and move on to another post of interest.

THANK YOU! ALL IS WELL.

Stay Tuned for Part 2, of "THIS MORNING!"

On TRUE BELIEVER

Men, Women & CHILDREN- REJECTION...Part 2

REJECTION of When relationships go awry, Part 2.

Though there were many 'life' lessons that came out of this part of my life, there were many other things that were going on as well. Take for example, the hellish times, (rejection will create those as well as opportunities for learning), for awhile

my son and I lacked financial and especially, emotional support, even from people we thought were on our side!

At many turns my son and I both, were mistreated because of our situation.

There was one relative in particular that was very vocal in telling me that I ruined my life by having my son! That I "threw away my bright future", he said.

To this day, he still remains in that mindset! So, we don't speak, at all!

He is my oldest brother. It's strange even still,

because that particular brother used to be my hero when I was a little girl!

When I was 23, my protector changed and turned against me because that's when

I had my son. My brother said, my life would forever change and I would never accomplish my dreams because I was not free anymore! My brother lost faith in me.

He also had hung his personal hopes on me!

I later found that out through the wisdom of my life's journey.

It also didn't help that my son's Dad is the kind to holds grudges and can be very unforgiving. So, even after 19 years, though the Dad had been in our sons' life for a time,

in some way shape or form, he didn't show up for ...THIS birthday!

Nor did he call.

Oh! He's missed some stuff before, but this time was different!

"19 is a BIG DEAL!" According to my son!

He had hope that his Dad would show up.

Practically speaking, my son knew better, but he told me

"You never know, Mom, you never know!"

He also said, "I know Dad loves me!

Deep down inside. I know it."

What do you say to that?

Can you imagine what that was like hearing my son say that?

And knowing that the Dad is quite content with where he is at, in his life!

He has another family that he has put all of his energies into.

He does not include our son in their family gatherings.

His thoughts behind not having a relationship with our son,

(as told to me years back),

"If you don't want me, I don't want him!"

Him being OUR SON! NOT JUST MINE!

What my sons dad said, ...with impending rejection...

never really computed what he meant until he started showing

it by refusing our son, emotional or real financial support!

For the problems The Dad and I had, what he said,

just made it all the more problematic.

I felt like I was being blackmailed!

OUR SON was the hostage and I was the ransom!

He didn't say it this way, but it still was...

Be with me or pay the price of being the reason I won't love our son!

It was weird! I...I didn't know this person had this in him.

I had never dealt with this kind of thing before.

I didn't know what it was!

I didn't have the words for it all back then, I just knew that I felt very troubled by what he was saying and he said a lot more things too! I just remember knowing that, even though I wanted to be with him, very much (He had other great characteristics),

Still...I knew my answer had to be ...No!

I forgot about the other problems we had and began to focus on THAT!

OUR SON, not the relationship, became THEE priority for me!

Eventually, those other problems needed to be dealt with,

though too little, too late!

Think about this though...How could I be with someone who would deny, abandon, thus hurting his child...

...OUR CHILD?

That didn't make me want to love that man, nor trust him!

One of the major things, some women look for in a mate, is

"WHAT KIND OF DAD WILL HE BE?"

"HOW WILL HE TREAT MY CHILDREN...OUR children?

IF HE WOULD USE A CHILD for hurting or controlling purposes,

ANY CHILD, ESPECIALLY HIS OWN...! Hmm.

Men just don't get it! You shouldn't try to use kids as leverage!

You shouldn't use them to emotionally blackmail or threaten a woman into a relationship! For example: "IF YOU DON'T WANT ME THEN... I don't want him, her, them"... AND the kids are HIS! WOWSER!!!!

This stuff DOES NOT CREATE healthy situations for relationships! This behavior can also destroy a relationship with the kid! Especially for a boy! Can you imagine what some of them are saying or wish they could say? "Dad, you used me, to get to my Mom!

...You disrespect MY mother, but you want me to respect you?" HUH? "What are you teaching me...

....about being a MAN, a Husband, a Father?

You put your own selfish needs above responsibility!

You let my Mom struggle with me while you moved on and had another family! That hurt ME, Dad!

Especially when you said,...

..."I don't need you, I have my family!"

I am your kid and you said that to me.

You said THAT...TO ME!

You say whatever hurtful thing you want to say.

You won't listen to us, to me! You only hear what you want to hear.

"It's cheaper to keep her!", you've been taught. So you teach it.

It's a lie, you know. The cost is really high! You're just numb to it.

It cost you my Mom. It cost you...YOUR SON!

You don't want me now, Don't want me when I'm grown and successful.

I want YOU Dad, but I don't want those lessons you're teaching!"

Can you imagine a son needing to say that to the dad?

Emotional blackmail does not work for anybody's true good!

Instilling The fear of REJECTION ...DON'T HELP EITHER!

LOVE, SUPPORT, PATIENCE, COMMUNICATION, CONCERN AND...FORGIVENESS is what helps that! I believe in a relationship with Christ Jesus and in the power of prayer also, but

Hey, that's me!

IN FACT, the blackmail scheme, game, threat, whatever it is,

for me it DID THE OPPOSITE!

'Cause no matter what problems we had before that,

THAT (what the Dad said)... took precedence!

I just...I couldn't get over that, nor look past it!

For me, it's "Take care of our kid and we'll discuss US later!" The sad thing is, The Dad never understood that!

So, now we all are, where we are!

He over there, PRETENDING our son does not exist and my son here with me as he always has been...without a Dad!

(This reminds me of an article I wrote entitled,

"The things Men Say..." November 4, 2009. Check it out in my archive section.)

More importantly, Our Son...

...never understood nor accepted that about his Dad!

He was looking at the part of himself that IS HIS DAD!

So my son asked me,

" How can someone reject themselves?"

See, how much smarter kids are about some things????

The sad thing, THE REALLY SAD THING is that his Dad has never really stopped thinking that way or being hurtful! So when we did have a chance to rekindle, back in the day, I was not comfortable. I was completeley un-trustsing at that point!

I decided to just walk away. It was a very painful decision.

My son still wanted a relationship with his Dad of course, but was not able to get it without problem. So now they don't have one at all.

It's been two years since they've seen each other!

Yes! The Dad missed the 18Th too! What can one say, you know?

Oh, my son? My son is blessed and strong. He is also very forgiving and remains hopeful of Good things happening in life...PERIOD!

Also, he and I are very close and have open communication. We have discussed his feelings about this on numerous occasions. Know this though Dear Reader,

you think when the kid gets older that it won't affect them, but ...

it does! The kid has feelings too that need to be voiced and dealt with!!!!!

My son thinks adults (older adults, as he is a young adult) are very...

...SELFISH BEINGS!

PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR PART 3, THE END OF

"REJECTION" on Next Weeks, Men, Women, & Children

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN- REJECTION..Part 1

QUESTION: When relationships go awry and children are involved, how do you handle that?

Men, Women and Children go through a vast amount of emotional ups and downs. Every so often, they get blindsided by curve balls. Like when relationships fizzle. Every body involved gets hurt you know! Even the man! And unfortunately, often times the child's' pain gets over shadowed by the adults pain. So, how do you resolve it?

How do you get the focus shifted?

How do you help your child cope and grow from the experience and grow out of the pain? What do YOU do to keep YOURSELF going? Especially, if you are the custodial parent?

What happens to your grief when there is no time to grieve because

YOU are the one who has got to stay strong for the kid?

How do you cope? How DID you cope?

Did you just move on to another relationship?

Even though you know your heart wasn't in it? Did you try to make amends with the other parent? I mean, including just trying to be friends?

At least, just for the child's sake! How did that work out?

See, I can imagine that these are all questions that many women and men have asked in such situations. Whether they asked themselves or their best friends or counselors or even prayed to God for the answers. When people get faced with things they don't understand...they ask questions! They ask questions because they are in search for relief. They need answers!

You might be wondering, Where did this topic come from?

Well, I've got a friend going through a divorce that she didn't ask for!

They have two teenage sons that are involved. It's ugly and she doesn't understand....Period!

I have another friend who has been divorced for many years. The husband left her to raise their 6 children. She suffered lack of food, finances, beds. Now, all of the children are adults, some with families, ALL with careers! One son works in Italy, all praises be to God! Within the last year or so, the husband has relocated back to Michigan and want a repoire with his adult children and a "FRIENDSHIP" with my friend, his ex-wife, whom he abandoned.

I, myself am included in this topic of discussion.

Last Monday on November 9Th, my son turned 19 years old. His birthday sparked a few things. Namely this article. Not to mention the fact that I am 41, turning 42 next month and spent the last 19 years of my life, as a single mother, raising this young man. It was not easy!

He and I both suffered a lot, in many ways! Including, suffering the astigmatism of being labeled a"statistic." Another Black family, experiencing single parenthood. Single parenthood was not what either of us wanted, particularly my son and me! But it is, what it is!

It was hellish, some of the things we had to go through, my son and I.

I spent more time away from home trying to work, sometimes 2 jobs, and delivering him

by 2-3 busses per day, EACH WAY to baby sitters way across town before and after work!

I was living off of 2-3 hours sleep per day. I was also spending WAY TOO MUCH MONEY!

At one point, I was paying the babysitter more that I was making just to have someone keep my son ,so I could keep my job! WOW!!!!

That's when I discovered for myself, that if people can take advantage of you, even during hard times...THEY WILL! So, a lot of lessons came out of my single parent situation.

I also learned much about myself as a mother and a woman!

My priorities slowly shifted and the "me thing" began to slowly fall away!

I also learned a lot about men, decision making, raising children, being the head of a household, NOT being in control and what that feels like.

I learned what TRUE FORGIVENESS is!

I experienced BROKENNESS and THE NEED TO GIVE OVER to something greater than myself. I found it in the presence and word of the Lord thy God!

I also found comfort in the presence of some of the people of God who were experiencing that need too! Some of my BEST friends, I found at my local church during that time in my life.

They are still considered to be a HUGE PART of me and my son's family!

They are ones that are with us through good and bad times, more so than our blood family!

Thankfully, the lessons kept coming! Learning the VALUE AND WORTH OF being

a MOTHER is truly a lesson that has to be learned!

Notice that I didn't say anything about a Baby Mama!

That is a terrible term, by the way!

There is also a distinction between the two!

STAY TUNED...

FOR PART 2 OF "WHEN RELATIONSHIPS GO AWRY.''

In next weeks post of MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN

HEY BLOGGERS!!!! NEW LOOK!

HEY BLOGGERS!

MY BLOG HAS A NEW LOOK IT'S BEEN SPORTING!

A few months ago, it went from Black page with colorful print to a PINK PAGE, but with STRONGER TOPICS!

Topics, which I HOPE you have found interesting or at least you found them to be informative.

My Blog has had another recent change. Notice the ads on the side of my page. I am testing out allowing GOOGLE to post some ads here. The ads are supposed to be relatable to my articles. We'll see about that! So, feel free to click on the ads AND ALSO, feel free to let me know if you think the ads are helpful. If you find the ads to be vulgar, immoral, disgusting or just downright filled with unusable information let me know that too and I will cancel it!

So, tell me what you think about my advertising.

Going Global, I tell ya! I"m going global!!!

Thanks you , Meetta

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN-"The things Men Say!"

HELLOOOO READERS!

Men, Women and Children column speaks on issues that concern all groups! Relationships, family issues as well as issues concerning each gender as individuals. Forgive me for not writing much for this column since its introduction article on September 2, 2009.

(Check my archive section for that one) It's just that, trying to figure out what first to write about! It's so many pertinent issues concerning us all! So, with that in mind, let me begin as I have recently been inspired by an interesting subject that was brought up to me in conversation. I promise not to keep you waiting for this column like that again! Thanks for taking the time to read my posts!

The topic is: THE THINGS THAT MEN SAY!

And what should you do about it if they say it to you?

OY Vey!! First of all, THIS SUBJECT right here, had me really sad about the fact that I don't have a little sister. If I had one, I would pour everything that I have experienced about life, into her! Hopefully, to spare her some of the pain and hard lessons that I and some of my women friends have unfortunately had to face in our adult lives.

So, because I don't have a little sister, I pour all I know into those who come to talk to me about "stuff", holding back little and in the process, teaching and sparing some. Dear Reader, through my different columns, for the last few months, I have been pouring into you as you have allowed me, taking in what you needed and discarding the rest. Hopefully, I have been of some use.

Moving on. As a woman who have lived a full life up to this point, I can say that I have been in some interesting situations and conversations. As I am sure that you all have, as well. The thing is, I like to learn as well as share. Something came up though, with a buddy of mine, that caused me to listen and share! Regarding the topic of this article, my buddy was feeling pretty low because of what some guy said to her! She was digging the guy, pretty heavily and well, he decided to "reveal" something unsettling about himself that proved not to be conducive to her idea of this becoming a relationship. Well now, let me just tell you this, WITHOUT telling you anymore of her story! I'll share another experience with more detail.

This one will take you a little farther in this scenario, and the person who experienced this does not mind me sharing with you.

There was this guy that a close friend of mine was digging pretty heavily too and she thought he felt the same way! Then, after a great deal of time, this guy started "revealing" some unsettling stuff about himself too! Before I go any further...."WOMEN, let me say this to ya! When a man tells you something DEEP about himself...

PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE....LISTEN!

LISTEN TO THE MAN! HEAR IT AND for Mercy's sake...

ACCEPT IT for what it is!!! It may not be the best thing to ignore it, depending on what he's saying! For example: If he is telling you things like,

"Look, I like you and all, but I really just want to get laid." HELLLOOOO! KNOCK, KNOCK, ANYBODY OUT THERE!

Sister Girls! This IS NOT a joke!

You need to LISTEN, HEAR, ACCEPT what the man is telling you!

Then make a decision accordingly to WHAT HE IS SAYING AND NOT

what you or your friends perceive! The guy is telling you what he wants!

You don't have to figure it out! What else do you need to know?

So, if you are not feeling that, and you want more from him,

SO SORRY, YOUR BUBBLE HAS JUST BEEN BURST!

So tighten up, square your shoulders and MOVE ON!

TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS BABY GIRL!

EVEN IF you really dig the guy, YOU CANT CHANGE HIM!

So Accept it or not! It's up to you!

Old School will tell you (By the way, OLD SCHOOL is older, wise people)...that

" A MAN WILL BE, WHAT A MAN WILL BE"....AND that is whatever he chooses! So, if he wants to be a dog....Let him be a dog somewhere else! That is...if that is not what you want!

Ladies, also please keep this in mind, "

That a man, upon first seeing you, IS NOT looking at your personality."

Getting to know people is just like a relationship, They both just take time!

Take your time, ladies! Take your time.

Here is another "By The way" moment...If a man can "get your cookies"...most times he will!

HE WILL "SHOPLIFT THE POOTY" IF YOU LET HIM!

There are SOME MEN ...

who will put a bag over an ugly woman's head to have sex with her!

They don't care if you are fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, or just attractive.

They don't care if you are old, young, married or not, or if HE'S married

or not!

They don't care about your Christian beliefs, Sisters!

A MAN WILL GET "SAVED", START GOING TO CHURCH, REGULARLY AND even become ....

....A MAN OF POSITION in the CHURCH....

OR USE his church position...JUST to get to you!

THERE ARE "wolves in sheep's clothing!"

Women, some men, A LOT of MEN, don't care whether you are employed, unemployed, rich or poor, it does not matter! If you got the goods and he's in the mood...It's on, Baby!

I am an adult woman who has lived a very full life, up to this point!

I also have told you in other articles, that I have grown up around men.

I have 4 older brothers and 6 uncles, my Moms brothers.

I have worked with many men AND I have taken public transportation for many years! I HAVE HEARD MANY, MANY MALE CONVERSATIONS! All of THAT is what qualifies me to say what I'm saying, in confidence because it is TRUTH!!!!

Now, your man may not have said the example line in the previous paragraph, so, depending on how you feel about him and what he said,

if you feel the need to question him, QUESTION HIM! Get the information you need out of him. Get to the bottom of it, If that's what YOU (not your friends, this is YOUR life!) need to do! Take a step back though in the meantime, taking everything into account. Decide whether you want to invest anymore of yourself into this person! In the meantime, may I suggest that you don't pour your pity all over him, treating him with kid gloves!

This is a GROWN MAN who you are in an adult relationship with!

Say, THANK YOU FOR SHARING and GO ON with your life!

At least until you figure things out for yourself!

PLEASE!!! TAKE THE TIME TO DO THAT!

SISTER GIRLS, I'M BEGGING YA!

Because, if my friend had LISTENED, HEARD, ACCEPTED what this particular guy said AND MOVED ON from him...her life would not have included spending many months crying over him, questioning her decision making, beating herself up, experiencing low self-esteem issues, battling unnecessary loneliness and viewing all other men, like dirty,

low down, sack of....savage beasts! And all because of this guy! He told her things like,

" You're a nice girl, you don't want to be with me.

You think you do, but trust me, you don't." Instead, because women often times, don't know how to turn off that ever flowing faucet of compassion, that is running over in us, my friend had pity on the man because obviously he was was going through something! Having strong feelings by then, she couldn't see the truth and sincerity in what he was saying. Being a woman, a very loving, kind woman, she hung in there.

Time went on though and the bomb, that had been ticking on their relationship finally, with full impact, exploded and left her scrambling to pick up the pieces...alone. Her man, with whom she thought she would one day wed, had up and gone. The strange thing is, in his own way, he was trying to warn her. Yes! This very important bit of wisdom came to my friend after hind sight had visited her months after their relationship was over and dead!

Still, it came though, this very important piece of wisdom. That's the important thing along with my friends healing. And so now, my friend is much wiser! She also has learned, once again to be open to the possibility of relationships. Still, remembering though, ...

that when a man "reveals himself", it is best to

LISTEN, HEAR, ACCEPT and if need be.......MOVE ON!

While it is true that people in relationships say things for different reasons, perhaps out of fear that if you knew the real them, you wouldn't like them anyway, or whatever the situation is, Protecting yourself IS NOT a bad idea! Thinking The guy may just be scared of getting too serious may not be all it is! Just like the guy my friend dealt with, the guy may really be giving you a warning about what kind of guy "he really is",

NOT THE ONE FOR YOU!

Like I said, in the beginning...If I had a little sister, the the things I'd share with her!

So, for now, I guess I just have to tell you!

Til' next time Dear Reader,

From "Men, Women and Children",

This is Ms.Meetta, signing out!