Readers, GOOD MORNING!
Here's the thing! Last night, I went to bed with a particular subject on my mind and actually, I've been thinking about this for a short time now. I was reminded of it, when something came up yesterday, in a discussion. And, as I often write from my own life experiences, as well as experiences of others, my blog is a proper place to write about this. This is also a very good subject to discuss, right now! So, I arose early, it's 5:39 in the am now. I need to write this down.
The subject matter that was on my mind, even this morning, is about how we view others and how our own personal views about others can influence the way we see them! Also, it can and does affect the way WE treat THEM! And How we seem them is NOT NECESSARILY how they really are? Sometimes we see, only what "WE WANT TO SEE." Especially when we find someone else that agrees with us and "sees things" the same way we do! Just because someone else sees the same thing you see, doesn't mean you are all correct about what you all are seeing!
Have you ever taken one of those visual puzzle challenges? Like when you see a million words made into a picture and them the question that follows is "WHAT DO YOU SEE ?" (If you haven't, then I challenge you to try it. Also, have someone else look at it with you and compare your answers to each others, then compare your answers with the "correct" one.)
So after you look at it, you say what you think the picture is showing, you then review the artists answer to what it really is and you take a step or two back from the picture in question. Sometimes, only then, when you look through the Artists eyes or the person who designed the picture, can you see what their "intentions" for that picture was! That's when you see the "TRUE" rendering of that same picture! And it turns out that YOU WERE WRONG, in your answer of what YOU thought you were looking at!
Not only is this article about, our "interpretation" of what we see in others behavior, character etc., it is about our own behavior and character as well! And you can't talk about this without talking about 'Expectations! And you can't talk about "Expectations" and "Interpretation" without talking about "Projection". Sometimes and more often than we think, we have a tendency to "project onto others" OUR OWN individual thoughts about what WE THINK that person should be like, who they are currently and even what the intentions of their actions really are, even right down to what WE THINK they are saying! Rather than, honestly "seeing" and accepting the person for WHO THEY ARE, their own meaning behind what they are saying to you along with the "truth" about everything else surrounding them!
I realize that we live in a society where the majority of people (if they are honest) don't want to be wrong! Without even knowing the reality or the back story of a situation, getting answers and clarity, people will latch onto any bit of information that "PROVES" them right! Regardless of their lack of a "sound basis for their thoughts". A number one example of this is the Media. The media, with all of it's "News" reporting, especially in "Entertainment News", there is ALWAYS some accusation about someone, that ends up proving to be wrong or being incomplete information! This is greatly due to what this article is all about! "Our expectations of others, our own "interpretations", mixed in with our "projection" onto others what WE want to see!
In one of my earlier posts, I wrote about how people can make someone else's behavior their own focus, over themselves! We need to take so much of that focus and put it back onto ourselves, where it really belongs! Here is an example: I am a very personable, and "bubbly" person and that usually proves to be a good thing, but it has also come to be a bit of a curse!
Recently, in one area of my life, it bit me square in the butt! Some people "expect" me to be like that all of the time! When I am not, those same people, some out of concern, (some not so much) said something was wrong with me! Sometimes, I am more quiet than usual. Hey!
I need quiet time too, don't you? I am quiet at times, because as an adult, I'm working, I'm a family person, head of my household with responsibilities. So, there ARE OTHER THINGS that I think about that need my attention, just like many of you! In those moments, whether I am at home or at work, I'm not always in that "SMILING AND WAVING" mood! No, I don't want to keep up small talk or idle chatter in those moments either! That doesn't make me "cold". It means I'm human! Hello!
Also, I don't know about where you work, go to church, or what kind of people are in your life, but in these areas of my life, there are alot of gossip and rumor spreaders. There are also alot of cruel and miserable individuals and these kinds of individuals can stir up alot of trouble! There are nosey people too. The kind that they just want to know everything! Even the stuff that does not concern them! So, I've found, from own my life experiences, that when those 'NEEDS' or voids in those kinds of people are not met, they put their attention on other people. Some times YOU may just find yourself being their target! They end up projecting their lives onto you!
Also, if you are like me, when you begin recognize these un-likable traits in others, you adjust to guard yourself from it. Now, all of a sudden, you are "cold" and "unfriendly!" Case in point: Someone recently told me, they saw me somewhere and said I looked isolated and was frowning. And apparently, (according to this person), my presence and behavior made others feel uncomfortable. Hmm.
The ACTUAL TRUTH behind their perception of the situation is; Where they saw me, there was a discussion going on and "I was listening!" I had gotten there a few minutes late, and walking in the middle of this big group, with all of them facing the door where I was entering, pretty much made me feel uncomfortable in the first place! It doesn't matter if I know some of the people or not! (I'm not one of those who don't mind walking in late, in front of alot of people? (All eyes are on you!) And as the discussion continued, I was trying to absorb what was being said! As I didn't have anything to add to the discussion, I didn't say much! Just trying to take it all in.
So what that person thought they saw, was not really what was going on with me! From their comment, it is obvious to me that it was a mis-interpretation on their part and the projection of their thoughts onto me. When I think of that, I Just shake my head. It amazes me, how we put so much thought on other people's behavior, BUT NOT ON OUR OWN! If that person was so concerned about me, WHY DIDN'T THEY COME TO ME and ASK ME IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG? I'll tell you why! Because they did not have genuine concern for me! If they had 'real' concern, rather than just coming to me to make a point of their comment, they would have said instead, something like, "Is something wrong, Meetta"? But they didn't! EVEN AFTER they made that comment to me!
So people, do you get what I'm saying? Interpretation, projection and expectation!
No one is perfect, that is true and certainly not I, but sometimes we let our own thoughts blind us to the "truth" about other people! Sometimes it is US, walking past people and not speaking! Then we have the nerve to comment on someone else, "not being friendly".
We wait for other people to acknowledge us first, as if we are any higher than they!
When we do this, we end up creating a negative situation where WE, (I, YOU) had the remedy for prevention of this, all along! What happened to your own "FRIENDLY BEHAVIOR!"
There is a verse in the Holy Bible that says,...
"If you want friends you must first, show yourself friendly."
In not doing that, you end up with a wrong interpretation, wrong expectations, on top of projecting your feelings onto that person, YOU have made issues with! So, now you don't have personal conversation with them anymore! You give open to others harping on them! You start to see things in their behavior that may not really be as you think!
If you have ever experienced these things like I have experienced them, then you may have found yourself being out-casted. Outcasted because you no longer want to always be "smiling and waving" saying hi first, or spending time talking about your personal life. You may not want to get involved in others lives in the same manner, letting them know "what you are up to?" As someone asked me. The person who asked me that is part of the rumor mill. I've heard her share other peoples business! She tried to tell ME about other people! So, no! I wasn't telling her anything! Still, won't and we used to be good buddies! And yes! Her behavior, caused me to be more guarded. I was not mean to her, but I wanted to tell that person,
"Get a life, more fulfilled!" In any case, taking on that "more guarded" way of being, caused their expectations of me to become unreal.
To end, some times we just don't want others to be different than what or how we think they should be! We allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable around them when they are not what we expect! If they change, all of sudden they have upset our lives! Then, that's where the so called "concern" starts getting a bit more shifted. It really can become a case of our comfort over genuine concern for them! If they don't talk to us... what about when we shy away from them? Perhaps in avoidance, because they didn't speak to us first! How are we to know the truth if we don't present ourselves friendly either! See! Often times, more that you may think, something is wrong with our Interpretation, Projection and Expectations of others.
In these types of instances Reader, if you have ever experienced them,
WHAT DO or did you do to resolve this conflict in your life?
Regardless of what end of the spectrum you are on, whether you have been a giver of this sort of behavior or (and especially) if you have been a receiver of it!
Bye, Meetta
