ON HER SOAP BOX- FAMILY, Part 5

READERS,

"FAMILY"

If you've been reading my blog lately, you've read some pretty heavy stuff!

I am a sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse SURVIVOR!

Some of you may be saying, well, where did this come from this confession of yours? At least those of you who don't know my story. Two of those who know my story are 2 of my best friends that read and support my blog. I know there are now, a few of my family members that read it and have been in support of my poetry for years as well! But many of them are not aware of the "complete" story of my families abusive past. At least, as it concerns me and the affects it has had on my life and my family life!

But this confession came out of YEARS of struggling with it. Sunday afternoon, while at church, I finally got a release form ALL OF THE SHAME, associated with being abused. I've been dealing with this, being delivered from the residue and affects of it for years! FINALLY, I am really growing away from it, being woven into who I am to become, through Gods eyes!

I spent much time crying it out, being counseled, learning to love myself, learning the necessity of "true forgiveness" . I had been learning how to truly forgive by first understanding what forgiveness "really" is. True forgiveness is not what a majority of people think it is and it is also not meant to be used, the way it's being used! For example, someone said to me,

"I' ll forgive if a person if they will do what I say for them to do."

Some people think forgiving means, you also have to trust that person and continue to let them in your life, including accepting everything that person does even if it is wrong! Some people think that forgiveness is having control over people! Talking about releasing grudges, with my mother, My own mother said to me just yesterday, "I'll forgive, but I won't forget."

I had to teach my mother that that way of thinking is incorrect! That that way of thinking is WRONG! Don't take my word for it! Check it out for yourself!

Reader, if you investigate what the word forgiveness really means, especially from a biblical point of view, you'll find it telling you things like, "FORGIVENESS" IS releasing the offensive person of their offense! Not only releasing them, but you are to take back the offense, even though you may be the offended person!

"Forgetting" includes stop holding the offense over someones head! After you' ve made your peace with them and yourself about it of course! Then you don't keep bringing it up!

Like many of us, my mother still holds onto issues from 20 years ago! But she never seeks to resolve them! Again, like many of us, she doesn't face her mistakes and accept her place in many of the issues! This way of living has caused her and continue to cause her great misery! Even God forgives and "forgets". BUT, in order to get t get to that point, we need to resolve the matter first! Usually that comes from communicating. You know! Talking, listening, hearing and accepting the situation, even accepting our place in the matter! Then maybe healing can start to enter in.

AND...

There is a need for healing in my family.

Even to this day, my family is not close! There are alot of little cliques though! My family has accepted that! But I've noticed a lot of dis-content among many members of the family too! Including even in my immediate family, still! THERE IS SO MUCH dis-function going on, and they've been accepting it So LONG that, they even tell each other, "That's just the way it is." "Everybody is living their lives, doing their own thing?"

My family has always been very good about walking away and shoving people to the side! But yet, they want to have a reunion every year including going out of state to meet distant relatives (total strangers in most cases). When we have family members right here, we've known of for our entire lives, but don't really know! I DON'T GET IT! Then again,

yeah I do! Why would they want to work at some relationships, perhaps facing unwanted issues with each other (and with themselves), when they could just hide who they really are, and just go have fun! But I ask, aren't the old relationships just as important as "new family relationships?"

WHY IS THERE A NEED FOR healing in my family?

Same reason there is a need for healing in your family?

There are still some MAJOR ISSUES among family members that need resolving. People are still hurting over stuff. People are still feeling shunned and misunderstood and unfairly judged! There are so many lies, gossip and destructive rumors going around that are still tearing people apart inside! People are still holding grudges, like my mother. And grudges, for many have been that unforgiving thief that keeps stealing years, relationships joy, and peace from us!

Grudges, give a sense of " false control. " A Grudge is a weakness that includes selfishness and stubbornness, which ARE NOT a virtues, something good! Holding grudges and constantly living in unforgiveness, gives and "allows for excuses (which are different from reasons)

excuses for not taking responsibility! Healing is necessary to help us gain clarity and take responsibility for the problems between us! START HEALING ALREADY! Stop allowing problems to dictate how we live out the rest of our lives with or without each other!

Lets stop the madness, allowing it the kind of strength that we've been giving it!

Meetta