society as a whole.
Lately, I've been writing about a very important subject that continues to plague us all! This issue has continued to plague us, as it has done for generations! It has run rampant through our society without seeming to have a solution! It has used it's power to even plunge families into a dismal web of lies and secrecy's, dismantling lives one by one! It has done this to such unspeakable levels even to the point death, using suicide and even murder! People have killed folks for messing with their loved ones in this manner! Many people have killed themselves or have tried to kill themselves because of this subject as well!
The subject I've been writing about these past few days and will continue to write about amongst other things, does not discriminate! It will tear you, your family and everything else you love, it will tear it apart! It doesn't care about race or gender. It doesn't care whose life it destroys! Nor does any other destructive power! It doesn't care whether you are an African-Amercian, White-American or a foreigner to this land! It doesn't pass over you, regardless of you being a boy, a girl, man or woman! The destructive thing of power, I have been speaking about is...sexual abuse!
Sexual abuse, is the abuse or mis-use of sex! Sex abuse in this case, is when unwanted sexual acts are committed, genital sex, groping and oral sex including child molestation and rape of an adult! Rape, is non-consensual sex. Sex that you did not consent to, meaning you did not give your permission to, including rape by a mate, a date, stranger or family member!
A MAJOR REASON why sexual abuse is SO PREVALENT AND POWERFUL...
is because many people keep silent about it! There are many reason for that silence. One of which, is FEAR! The fear of ridicule, rejection and shame has caused alot of silence! But because of that silence, in many cases, sex abuse has been allowed to take over entire households, violating sisters, daughters, your mates child, granddaughters and even producing children behind it with Dads of the abused! UGH!
STOP BEING SILENT PEOPLE!
Silence won't make it go away! Silence only gives sex offenders the fuel they need to keep going! And that evil could manifest into something else wreaking even more terror and havoc, if you can imagine that?
In my household, when I was a child, one sex offender turned in to 3! He convinced the other two that this was OK and fun! I was their victim.
I was their baby sister! ALL three were 3 of my 4 brothers! All older than I. You think one more pedophile was trouble in this earth, now 2 more sex offenders were reared and placed out in society! Right form my own family. All of whom, to my knowledge has never gotten any help with this particular issue!
Fear also includes the fear of retaliation.
The fear of being retaliated against has been a major issue for even the victims of abuse!
"IF YOU TELL, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU DEAD!" are awfully powerful words! Fear of retaliation has been another successful tactic, especially where it concerns children and family members. The fear of death has worked many times over! Especially considering, many threats of this kind of violence in our society, have been carried out! When I was a child and being sexually abused, one of my brothers, who is in prison now for something else, threatened me with death! I seriously thought he would kill me, and bury me under the porch! THAT BOY SCARED ME! He used to fight my mother! And Because he was my brother,
I believed him! I mean we lived in the same house! It didn't help that
Momma was gone alot (during the early years) sometimes working two jobs, sometimes hanging out or wherever. To top it all off, two of my other brothers ended up violating me too! So there was no protection within my own household, except when my older brother was home.
In those situations, honestly, what do you expect a child to do?
So, fear is a dangerous weapon. It is and has been a major tool that has allowed this sick and evil power of sexual abuse, to reign as it has!
It should be noted that , Abuse did not affect ALL of my brothers.
My Mom had five children.
With my oldest brother, I felt extremely safe because he never hurt me like that!
So because of that sole reason, I use to call him my Hero! Though I know, he never understood why! Though I felt safe with him, I was always too afraid to tell him! As I got older, that fear turned into shame. Shamed because my abusers scarred my mind so badly! I felt dirty and and un-loved, un-cared for, worthless! They stole my purity and self-esteem. They created a false, violent and forced sense of "loyalty" to family! They wreaked chaos in the area of "trust."
For me, they were realized demons!
I should mention that, though my oldest brother was once "my hero", as we got older and our family life began to change, secrets came out because of my removal from the home. To this day, he's not happy about my writings of my abuse! Though he's not seen the latest. Still,
he's very protective of my mother because as he told me he says, "she's had her own share of problems in her life." Still, HER PROBLEMS should not have become mine, nor any
of her children's, but it did and the problems grew!
HOW ABUSE BREAKS A FAMILY
It causes people to "pick sides". It continues to break down communication and trust even in those who are not directly involved!
Some of our family problems, my mother caused and others grew out of someone else's pain. Still she ignored much of the problems, then there are some she watched spiral out of control! In 2002, when my first book of poetry came out, my brother and I spoke about it. My brother did not like some of the poetry I had written. Because it pertained to my abuse and my mothers place in it! The funny thing is, he was more concerned about her rather than the subject at hand! Our families abusive decent was not an obvious concern for him. His concern was how the public would view "his mother"! He said to me by phone, "I can't wait to see what book your son writes about you." The strange thing is the book wasn't about my mother! It was a compilation of poetry I had written! Many more writings were in the book, pertaining to different subject matter and only a handful spoke of my abuse! But all my brother saw were those few and only 2 of those poems mentioned my mother! Nothing else mattered to him! Not even the pain in the poems or the lessons in them! My brother would not concern himself "truly" about the abuse. At least I never saw it! Therefore he and I would remain on opposite sides. I realized that in that very conversation a long time ago!
Anyway, my thought in including my mother in my poetry, was our mother played a major role in way things that happened the way they did! So I should be free to mention that!
It's my life too! But my oldest brother thought she should not be mentioned. That our mother be hidden from my writings and excused! That was the end of that conversation about that issue long ago! Needless to say, my brother and I don't speak much, even to this day! Our different views of the past has much to do with it! The fact that we don't really speak to one another is why we don't have much of a relationship. As we have been shaped by life differently, we never agreed on many other things about life either! Take for instance the subject of "family loyalty"! His view is completely different than mine obviously! I always hated how my family's tumultuous past just kept stealing and destroying family relationships from us!
When I was taken out of my mothers home and care, by the State of Michigan Social Services Department when I was a teen, that when the stuff hit the fan. That's when my brother and I began to pull away from each other. He never accepted the truth of what was coming out! He didn't know alot, (because he was older, he moved out moms home much sooner than I), but he didn't want to believe and recognize the problems of our family decent! He never accepted what came out! All of a sudden, I was different to him and he to me! Then life took over! We got older and continued on our separate paths. So, we really don't have much of a relationship! We don't know each other anymore and we haven't for a very long time now! Also when we would talk, our differing views about life, always go tint he way!
Because of my family's soiled history, needless to say, I don't speak to any of my brothers anymore unless I see them somewhere! Like at the family gathering we just had at a relatives house. We may say hi, but little else. None of my brothers have EVER fully accepted responsibility, nor have they apologized for the damage they caused in my life. In all of our lives! My mother is still in denial, refusing to accept her full part and acknowledge it. The thing is though my mother, and the three brother in question are all suffering from some sort of sickness, addiction, (drugs and hoarding) emotional and spiritual problems! There is much pain in my family. And without a united family healing, I don't suspect it will change anytime soon!
Bye!
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