MEETTA TALKS - STOP RUNNING!

POETRY

INSPIRATION STATION

STOP Running!

By Meetta J. Martin

from her book "You Can't Say That",

Poetry to Strengthen, heal and Encourage

You have been through many situations!

You have experienced trouble o top of trouble!

It is understandable that you have developed little patience for even more!

But understand that as you as you live, trials and tribulations...

... will forever come knocking on you door.

Turning your back on things, will not make them go away.

So, STOP RUNNING!

You don't trust much anymore.

You hesitate to extend yourself to anyone.

If you do, it is a very short leash that you have them on.

You take nothing folks say at standing value.

You are always curious.

You question EVERYTHING!

You trust nothing.

You will not allow yourself to let loose and just have fun.

You are overly protective of yourself.

Things have been so tough for you that you expect everything to be just as tough.

Important relationships have fizzled. They took advantage of you.

Now you EXPECT relationships to backfire on you.

At some point though, you have to STOP RUNNNNG!

Secretly, you desire to be SO DIFFERENT.

You have made your strides. YOU AREN'T THE SAME!

Though others know that...not necessarily the ones you want to know that!

You know you are not the same, but in some ways, you are still running.

YOu would have settled for just being open and trusting like you used to be, but life wouldn't let you.

You've had so many troubling experiences, less than some, but more than others.

And some of them still haunt you.

Hey! Everybody has their limits. You're OK!

Though you know you are stronger than many,

You always know that many have suffered more. Still...

Still, know that you are OK, but you are still running!

Yes! You feel you have every right to shut down, but you don't!

Though there is someone you want to love or at let respect you, they haven't.

You can't change that! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

What about the child you have that loves and adores you?

What about the few Dear friends have proven themselves loyal?

What about your FANS?

Yeah ! You have them, because you are good at what you do.

You're good at being YOU!

Stop running so you can slow down enough to enjoy those who really care &

want to be there...FOR YOU!

Stop running. Just stop running away

DEAR READER

I Just finished this for you on June 25, 2010.

Hello, Reader. I'M BACK! Meetta

Missed me?

COMMUNITY CORNER - EYE HEALTH

Reader,

DID YOU KNOW?

... Your eyes could be under more pressure than you think?

... The first sign of glaucoma may be no sign at all?

...Up to 40% of your optic nerve could be damaged before you notice any vision loss?

...Optic nerve damage is irreversible and can lead to blindness.

New Research show that treating high eye pressure with prescription eye drops may prevent or delay the onset of glaucoma.

High eye pressure is a major treatable risk factor for glaucoma, an eye disease that damages the optic nerve. In fact, a new national study has shown that pressure-lowering eye drops can cut the risk of developing glaucoma by up to 60%.

High Eye Pressure / Intra-ocular Pressure...

Puts pressure on your optic nerve. Your eye doctor can do a special test to measure your eye pressure and find out if it's too high.

Optic Nerve...

Sends visual messages to your brain. Untreated high eye pressure may cause irreversible damage to your optic nerve.

Glaucoma...

Damage to your optic nerve from high eye pressure can cause a loss of peripheral vision. As the damage increases, peripheral vision decreases. glaucoma may eventually lead to blindness.

YOU ARE AT GREATER RISK FOR GLAUCOMA...

...IF you are over age 50.

...IF you have high eye pressure or ocular hypertension.

...IF you have a family history of glaucoma

...IF you are African-American.

*PLEASE NOTE: You don't have to have all of these factors to be at risk only.

Your sight is precious...talk to your doctor about high eye pressure today!

Follow these 3 simple steps:

1) Get your eyes tested regularly.

Since you can't feel high eye pressure, it's important to have your eye pressure checked when your doctor says. Don't wait until our eye pressure starts to change, because your optic nerve may already have been damaged, and the damage is irreversible.

2) Get informed about early treatment.

The good news is that you can treat high eye pressure with prescription eye drops, which may help prevent glaucoma. Treatment with prescription eye drops every day has been shown to lower high eye pressure.

3) Get into a routine.

If your doctor prescribes eye drops to treat your eye pressure, make your eye drops a part of your daily routine. Using your eye drops at the same time every day may help you to remember your medication.

REMEMBER, high eye pressure can put your sight at risk!

Your sight is precious....ask your doctor today about your eye pressure.

STAY HEALTHY PEOPLE!

SOCIAL SCENE- UNDERSTANDING ANGER

Hey Reader!

Thanks for joining me in this weeks column of "Social Scene" as we continue to further investigate social issues that continually plague us.

IN SOCIETY, many problems including criminal activity, happen for many different reasons. Bullying, domestic violence, child abuse, racism. The usual suspect behind these activities is anger. Although, like I side, other reasons a re involved as well, such as jealousy, envy, lying. Usually it all ends up with anger touting those other issues on its back. And often times, not much is done about the anger issues get out of control.

You may be thinking well, I can't see how anger plays a major part in all of this behavior. But somehow, it manages to rear its ugly head. In bullying, and racism, there are esteem, emotional, superiority issues involved. Thinking someone else is worthless because the bully or the racist may view themselves worthless with something to prove. Then again, many of these people may think that they are better than someone else, because of finances, lineage, background, educational opportunities or just plain ignorance of false teachings. Whatever the case, these thoughts can create a great deal of frustration and frustration often leads to emotional imbalance, which can anger. In any case, anger can be controlled. There are many ways to do this, but first you have to understand anger.

IN UNDERSTANDING ANGER, I present to you a small bit of information to help stimulate your desire for more information on this subject. As anger is a common part of our humanistic emotional makeup, we should be very mindful of it in our lives as it has a tendency to get out of control. There is no "sin" in being angry, its what you do with that anger that counts!

Many times, our anger does not turn into physical destruction, but something even more destructive and lasting! Our anger can cause emotional situations that may prove to have a very damaging affect. fro example, when people are angry, we often say things that can"kill" or create greater conflict just as well! And usually when a person says things hastily, in anger, it almost always inevitably causes regret and causes irreconcilable situations. "SHUT UP!",

"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD", "YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME". "YOU'RE STUPID", "I HATE YOU!" I DON'T LOVE YOU!" "YOU'RE GARBAGE!". "YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING!" etc. etc. I know you see my point Dear Reader.

Therefore, though you may not see yourselves as one to "lose their temper" and go one to cause societal problems with it, keep our anger in check, recognizing uncontrolled anger can cause a multitude of problems. So, recognize that keeping your anger in check, is your own responsibility. We owe that to ourselves and others around us. I would agree that understanding anger is a practice that we all should implicate in our lives!

THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS PROVIDED BY A LOCAL DETROIT METROPOLITAN AREA HOSPITAL.

UNDERSTANDING ANGER

"Anger...

is an emotional cue which reminds us what we like and what we don't like. Although many of use were taught as children to stifle our anger, it is in fact perfectly natural. Anger can have many causes, but its effects depend on your ability to deal with it. Learn to understand anger, the effects of denial and blame placing. Learn to understand the positive results that can come from accepting your own anger.

CAUSES OF ANGER

"You cut your self shaving. You burned the toast. You can't find the keys. Now the care wont' stare and you will be late for work! No one did these things to you! They just happened (often due to poor planning of time management and multi-tasking). If you ask others, you will find that such "disasters" are quite common and that they make almost everyone angry! (*Please note: Nothing and no one can make you angry, you choose to be angry!) We feel anger when we sense we've lost control or when we feel vulnerable or afraid. We all have these feelings sometimes, and some of us are more easily irritated and annoyed than others.

DENYING ANGER

Many times, we want to deny that we are angry because we are not in the habit of admitting it. It could be that anger doesn't seem rational to us, or we are embarrassed by our lack of control. All humans feel anger, whether it is expressed or not. Thus, by denying anger, you deny that you are human.

BLAME-PLACING

Sometimes, we want to blame others for our anger, even if it seems unjust. Some people do this regularly as a habit. People generally don't like to be around blame-placers because they never know if they are going to be next in line to be blamed for something.

ACCEPTING ANGER

By recognizing and accepting our own anger, we' re on the road to controlling it and releasing it responsibly. Acknowledging what makes us angry, instead of denying anger or placing blame, leads to self-understanding. Once we can identify some common anger-making situation, we can change them, deal with them responsibly or make a conscious choice to ignore them. We can then reap the benefits of what this emotion tells us.

"As we all experience anger at some point in our lives,

UNDERSTANDING ANGER ...

will help you understand you, better!

MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN- "BUT, I'M OVER 40!"

IN THIS WORLD,

there are SO many women who are single, never been married, aren't in a relationship...and they want to be! Unfortunately, this also applies to me! My age and lack of suitable prospects, make my dream relationship appear to be very slim. I'm over 40 and never been married. I've never been asked! Well, not seriously. OK, I've been asked twice,

But not by anyone I wanted to marry!

I don't know! Something about, my heart wanting only what my heart wanted and ...it didn't want to be attached to these guys. At least, not for a minute more than it took to get away from them after they each "proposed". That said it! If I couldn't stand a minute more of them, I certainly couldn't do it for a lifetime! Both times...I knew in an instant upon being asked, what my heart and head decided, had been the best decision. A long time ago, there were two others. I would've said yes to either one of them had they asked me...but neither one of them did. One was a friend I had grown very smitten with. The other one, I was very much in love with,

(my sons Dad). Turns out, not marrying either one of them was also a good idea! This I later discovered as I looked back on my life! Hmm. Strange, isn't it? I didn't marry one of the guys who wanted to marry me, but the neither of the guys I wanted to marry, ever asked me! Strange, indeed!

So now, I'm over 40 and still, single mother of my 19 year old. To top it off, in my life, I'm also surrounded by other women of different age groups who are just as single (and more hopeful than I) with the same "predicament" if you will. And I gotta tell ya, IT'S NO FUN! Too many women, plus not enough decent, eligible, productive, "good" men. Pickin's is slim yall! But there are plenty of the "other" kind! Including "hit it and quit it guys (purely doggish), street beggars, financially poor, weak spined men, looking for a strong woman they can sponge off of, married men or attached men looking to "share the wealth". Don't forget the men who are of mature age, still living with their parents!

One such recent horror moment in my life, came the other day. As I was walking home just a couple blocks from my apartment, I was hit on by a ragged tooth, street guy as I passed by. I'd shown him some kindness with gifts of food before and a pleasant "hello" as I passed, but this day, he decided to say something else. He asked me what my name was and he asked me...was I married ...(wanting to put in his bid in). Like I said, PICKINS' IS SLIM YALL!

After leaving that guy, I'M THINKING, YEAH! SINGLE HOOD (KEEPING to MYSELF) MAY NOT BE SUCH A BAD thing AFTER ALL! In any case, I still have those thoughts of meeting somebody really special and available! Then...after a few moments or a few days (to be honest)...I eventually come to my senses and blow those thoughts off!

Reduced to thoughts of being single, living alone with a dog and some pet fish, going dancing and eating takeout. (My son is almost a mature enough man, to be out on his own soon) and I've thought about how I will live my life, even right down to how I would decorate my new "bachelorette pad". (Though, without all of the bachelorette lifestyle.) I could see eating Chinese food, takeout three times a week, walking my little "fru-fru" dog that's small enough to put it in a purse and carry! I probably would be working like crazy, maybe start a business or two. I'll always be writing to you Readers. Won't lose sight of that! Maybe a few books and in my future or magazine articles. (One can dream, can't one?) I'll one day be a college graduate as I will more than likely go back to finish college.

In the meantime, I still do sometimes have that thought about

What is love? I mean , for a woman to share the most precious, sacred, intimate thoughts and sides of her herself. (It's been so long, I honestly think I forgot!!) EVEN with all of those accomplishments I plan to complete some time in my life, I'm thinking, "will that be enough to satisfy me?"

WHAT IS LOVE? Does it really exist for women like me? I've only had one "lover" who was my best friend. That was when I was 19 (and long before I received Christ into my life). Best friends make the best partners, I think. But I've never had that since! I don't know if that 's possible again. Those kind of relationships are very unique in themselves. Since then, I've not had that!

I also have never had someone to celebrate me! To brag about me to his friends or family. Bragging about how intelligent, or kind and compassionate, I am. I've never had anyone to brag about how blesses, he is to have me. Nor how funny, how sexy, or great of a person he believes me to be. I've never had more than a hit and conquer it, kind of man. Never had a man who enjoyed the dating process with me. I've never had a man to take me out to really nice places, or on vacations. I've never been celebrated in any of these kinds of way, or ways that I would remember and cherish. So, I've chosen to spend the last 12 years of my life, devoted to my Christian way of living, to my son and to myself. Yep, For twelve years, I've been a single woman, living unto herself! There has not been any relationships with anybody! Nobody special, has come along in all that time and made himself known tome. And the last love I had, was my sons Dad, and that nearly ruined my life! It was because of him, that I didn't' want to take a chance on anybody else. First, it was because I had a hard time getting over him. Then when I did, I also became very afraid that I would choose someone else who would prove to be just as hurtful as he! I was Unwilling to take that chance. Along with a few other things, being unsure of myself, I chose to stay to myself and by myself ! I figured, I'd know when it was time to try again. When that time came though, no one special had come along. And time just kept flying past! So, I've made a resolve.

At 42, I am ALMOST entirely given over to the resolve that I shall never fall in love again (and he, with me), I shall remain single and never marry! I figure that the sooner I accept this, the sooner I can stop setting myself up for disappointment. Like I said...I'm ALMOST there. Still though, in light of where I am in my life, like many women...life sometimes leaves me wondering....

WHAT IS LOVE?

Song by Jennifer Lopez

(#5 on my blog playlist)

Na, Na, Na, Na,

NA, NA Na, Na, Na, Na, ,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

(REPEAT AGAIN)

NA, NA, NA, NA,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na

People told me, I should write a love song.

Girl you sound so angry, you could use some variation,

but I'm lonely, negative relations, I've been hurt SO many times.

I don't have the patience,

but I wished for so long for someone to come and show me.

Lead by example, cause I've been waiting.

I've tried every age.

I'm so tired of the game.

I wanna be some body's girl!

Would you show me the way!

(CHORUS):

What if, I never find and I'm left behind?

(Should I keep hoping for love?)

What if, I'm still the same, status doesn't change?

(Gotta keep hoping for love)

(What is love, what is love? what is love?)

Somebody show me...

(What is Love? what is love? What is Love? )

... 'Cause if you told....

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

.... I wouldn't be lonely!

What is Looooove ?

PLEASE SHOW ME!

WHAT IS LOOOOOVE?

I've had blind dates, hooked up with some real flakes.

I've gone out with church boys, musicians are the worst.

I've tried so hard, 'cause I'm just so die hard.

Tried my best to play the part. Wish you could see inside!

But, I've wished for so long, for someone to come and show me.

Lead by example, cause I've been waiting.

I've tried every age. I'm so tired of the game.

I wanna be some body's girl!

Would you show me the way!

(CHORUS)

What if I... never find and I'm left behind? (Should I keep hoping for Love?)

What if... I'm still the same. Status doesn't change? (Gotta keep hoping for Love?)

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

....Somebody show me

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

Cause if you told me...

(What is Love? What is Love? What is Love?)

I wouldn't be lonely!

What is Loooove?

Please come show me!

WHAT IS LOOOOOVE?

Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na,

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na

(REPEAT AGAIN)

I've been alone for the past 3 years on Valentines Day!

Christmas is no exception. Birthdays, no naughty presents.

Been back and forth same action.

I just need this to happen!

I'll be singing Love's praises... If you would show me!

(Repeat CHORUS)

What if I never find and I'm left behind....

What if ...

.....

Na, Na, Na, Na,etc.

BYE!

FOR WOMEN ONLY! - MOTHERS DAY

It's May 9Th and it MOTHERS DAY!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY,

MOTHERS!

This is your day! Do what you want. Spend it like you want...

As long as you are happy.

CELEBRATE YOURSELF, if you have to. BUT CELEBRATE!!!

Mother's YOU ARE SPECIAL!

While there are many of you that will be honored and lavished on this day, served breakfast in bed, taken out to eat. The house chores will be done for you. Many of you will receive store bought or hand crated gifts. You may receive gifts of candy, jewelry, stuffed animals and lavish gifts of trips and cash even. MANY, MANY of you who will receive lots of hugs and kisses. There are MANY, MANY, MANY more of you, who will not receive such special treatment on this day. And MY HEART goes out to those of you who fit into that category!

IT'S A TOUGH JOB BEING A MOTHER!

Especially, if you have spent your life caring for and truly being there for your child or children!

There are many women who bear children, but have not "mothered" them. They have not cared for, nurtured them or properly provided for them. While there are others who have made some serious life altering changes to be there for their kids and grand kids!

There are those of us who have put aside our own dreams and goals for the sake of focusing on the children. We have continually been challenged to keep the children ahead of ourselves. Many of us have even been reconciled to raising the children on our own, with out the aid of the "Father" of the child or children to ensure that the child received proper such nurturing attention. While it is known to be a better situation for the child being raised with two loving parents, that is not always the case though. Usually, the woman ends up having to go it alone.

Lots of times, these "courageous" mothers are not noticed, honored, or respected.

I'm bringing up the single mother on MOTHERS DAY, as well I should! Many Single mother's get a raw deal on Mother's day, especially single mothers of babies and really small children. Unless, there is someone else who can and does, her children can't lavish on her what many other mothers get lavished on them! Her babies and small children can't express with their words their appreciation for her! They can't take her to restaurants, give her jewelry or let her know how much she is appreciated. Even though, there may be other adults around her, they may not recognize her gift as a mother either! So even in them, there is no one to lavish on her, on this special day.

"TO A DEAR WIFE...ON MOTHER'S DAY", "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...TO THE ONE I LOVE", "TO YOU MOTHER...FROM ALL OF US." etc., etc.

We live in a society where if you are married and have children, then your title of "Mother" stands higher above a single Mother! The word "Family" usually, still stands in high regard of married women with children as well. As well it should be! But it also should not dispel the acts of of loving single mothers! I go deep on this subject of single mothers on "Mother's Day" also because...I AM A DINGLE MOTHER! And have been so for 19 years.Although, this was not my hearts desire, I have raised my son on my own since his birth.

I have done this with the help of some dear friends, a few family members and even with the aid of strangers. While friends and family members, provided some emotional and financial support over the years. There was also throughout my journey, strangers I would run across, that would give kind words of encouragement, especially on those days when I would take walks by myself and cry. I remember it was this one fellow, at a bus stop, asked me what was wrong and looked into my face and said ,"It's going to be all right, just hang on. This will soon pass. Just hang on." That man, in one moment of kindness, without having ever seen me before or since, gave me more emotional support than my son Dad had given me at the time. That man in all his cruelty, will honor a stranger he passes in the street with a "Merry Christmas," "Happy Thanksgiving" or "Happy Mother's Day" before he would ever call my house this day and wish his son and me these things!

On Mother's Day, as I am thinking on being a mother, I have thought about my sons Dad and that bothers me. For future Mother's Days, I will make it a point NOT TO think on him!

That is not the case for today though. Moving on!

Considering the world we live in, in my case, as my son was "naturally" conceived, I could not have done it without him, the Dad. The thing that bothers me about him on this mothers day is as we mothers think on the reason we are mothers in the first place ...( having our children), I've also had a few passing thoughts that motherhood has not been a happy journey for me! Mainly because I've had to endure it as a dingle mother. After we had a few breakups before the final one took affect years ago, The Dad has never really offered emotional or regular financial support, except for the now small penance my son gets deposited every week. The amount is the equivalent of 1 haircut per week for my son, in a neighborhood barber shop! I have made many sacrifices like all of you to raise my son, and take care of us both. For all of that, besides my son, I have nothing much to show for it! My son Dad does even acknowledge him, even now!

THE ONLY WAY MY SON, WE EVEN KNOW HE'S ALIVE is because of the friend of the court message dying that funds have been deposited into my son's account. THE ONLY WAY WE EVEN Know (the other main reason I am a mother, The Dad) is alive...is through the friend of the court! We know he's still alive, because of the May 7th deposit information I got over the phone. The sad thing is, that's the thing my son cares about the most...That his Dad is all right! Other wise my son wouldn't even know he's living!

So for that reason, considering how this man turned out to be... makes me sad on Mother's day! BUT WHEN I THINK ON THE THINGS that God has brought me and my son through...the help and people he has provided on our journey to cushion the blows of life we kept taking...and I look at my son's beautiful smile and feel his hugs, of a thankful kid... THAT IS THE STUFF THAT MAKES MY MOTHERS DAY BE TRUE!

Being a single mother in this society, still comes with the astigmatism of dishonor or disgrace. it comes particularly to women of low income or other such misfortune. But there are a host of valid reasons why women are single parents. Being a single parent should not discount them from getting all of the lavishness that causes them to have a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

"There are many "men" who have created children and left them with their mothers, to be raised solely by them, without even giving those mothersrecognitionon this day! Particularly those who have gone on and made new families with other women, only to honor their current mates on this day....is so disgraceful to mothers EVERYWHERE! Particularly those mothers, who successfully raised their children to be productive, intelligent, decent and wise human beings. "

My son once asked me, "Mom, how can Dad, a man (in rejecting me) reject himself." How can he live with that and be all right?

There are many people who mourn over or go to a Dead mothers grave to pay their respects, and yet do not pay it to the living mothers! Whether that mother is their sister, their "babies Momma", their in-law, their neighbor, church congregant, someone, anyone they know, that is still living that have raised or are still raising children is of no consequence.

HOW CAN YOU CELEBRATE THE DEAD FOR HER ACHIEVEMENTS AND IGNORE THE LIVING FOR HERS?

SAYING AND (EVEN BETTER) showing, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" to deserving mothers everywhere, be they single parent or married women, on this day is kindness at its best!

For all we endure and give away, simply put...IT'S TOUGH BEING A MOTHER!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, WOMEN, ...WHOEVER

and wherever YOU are!

LOVE, MEETTA

TeEn SpEaK- CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS

Readers,

this column focuses on what directly affects our youth. Today's topic is:

CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS

"Alcoholism in the home has long lasting affects. Children of alcoholics often learn to cope with unhappy childhoods in ways that cause problems for them much later in life. Learning about how alcoholism affected your past can help you to make sure your future is better!"

Childhood Characteristics, Beliefs & Patterns

Children of alcoholics often act in some of the following ways;

~They may become super-responsible, like a miniature adult.

~They become a trouble-maker.

~They become able to adjust to any change, without noise or fuss.

~ They become a family clown or peacemaker, smoothing over trouble.

Children are resilient!

"Children of alcoholics often believe that they are all alone, that no other families have these problems, or that it is up to them to cure the parent. A child may take the blame for a parent's alcoholism --or the parent may blame the child." Either way, " as a result, many children of alcoholics not only feel unloved, but unlovable. Some of them suffer physical or sexual abuse, which reinforces this feeling. And because life at home is full of disappointments, broken promises, and lies, the child learns not to trust, not get to too close to anyone, and hot to communicate in healthy ways."

Problems In Adult Life

It's a sad truth, but "adult children of alcoholics often retain their childhood patterns. ~The super-responsible child may grow into an adult who demands perfectionism. ~The child who was the family's scapegoat may have legal or financial troubles throughout life. ~The child who used to adjust to anything may be passive and withdrawn as an adult. And the family clown may grow up to be entertaining, but irresponsible.

An adult child of an alcoholic may be anxious, may try to control event and relationships, may have trouble being intimate, may be chronically depressed, or have stress-related health problems. Tragically, many children of alcoholics either become chemically dependent themselves or marry alcoholics."

*It's what they're used to! As heart breaking as that sounds.

How To Help Or Get Help

If you know a child living in an alcoholic home, try doing these things:

* Gently encourage the child to talk about life, and listen well.

* Invite the child to an outing, or offer a quiet place to do homework.

* Encourage the child to think of people who would be understanding and helpful in hard times--perhaps a teacher, friend, relative or neighbor.

* If the parent drinks and drives, give the child your phone number and offer to come pick him up.

* Suggest checking the library for books about alcoholism, or attending Ala-teen. Give the child the phone number and offer a rid tot he first meeting, at least.

* Tell the child that he or she cannot cause, control or cure the parent's drinking.

* Tell the child that alcoholism is a disease, and its okay to love the parent but hate the disease.

"If you grew up with an alcoholic parent: There are helpful people who understand that being in that kind of situation can present to you, a lonely difficult experience that can affect your lifetime."

~find out more about alcoholism and its effects on family members of alcoholics. Contact Al-Anon for information on special groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics, or ask your employee assistance program for referrals to other helpful programs.

* Talk about your feelings and experiences with friends, relatives, people in 12-step programs or health professionals.

* Remember, you didn't cause your parent's drinking, and no one but the parent had any chance of controlling it or curing it!

Children are resilient,

but they still need and deserve to be protected!

TRUE BELIEVER-Sisters & Brothers in Christ,1 of 2

Hello!

My fellow "True Believers". As I am unashamedly a Christian or "Christ follower" I've dedicated this column for sharing my experiences as such. So Hello, to those of you, who also have "relationship" with God and the Holy Trinity. Those who have truly "experienced" God. Hello to those who can recognize him in the earth, in the atmosphere, in your life and in the lives of others.

Greetings, my friends! Greetings!

My "Sisters and Brothers" in Christ Jesus!

Though, there are some of you who want to pick and choose, even in the body of Christ, who you will call brother and sister (kin). Often times, you do this based upon YOUR OWN criteria and not upon the criteria of Jesus! We will discuss Jesus criteria for deciding whose in his family, further into this article.

In any case here is an example of the center of this subject matter: We were standing in the middle of the sanctuary after an event. Smiling, I came up to greet her and her husband. Knowing them for 2 years through the congregation, she caught me off guard when she said, "Don't call me Sister! I'm not your sister." That of course, is her right! Even when she and I run into one another from time to time, even now, she maintains that sense of standoffish-ness. It is quite noticeable. So, I am brief in my greetings and let it go.

Yes! It used to bother me alot, I must admit. Who wants to be disliked? Besides, I thought they were really nice people and I looked forward to seeing them. Though I am not liked in return obviously, still I do handle the situation well as I am mature enough to understand that everyone is not going to like me! And the weird thing is, the fault is not always the fault of the one who is doing the disliking. by the same token, the fault is not always on the person who is disliked!

Sometimes you never really know why! The other person may just not like your skin color, the shade of your hair, the perfume you wear, or the way you smile crooked! They could be jealous of your giftings! Maybe they are miserable and they just envy your joy! Who really knows? You know?

It wasn't until later that I found she had issues with my relationship with Christ and my place in the congregation. I don't worship the way she thought I should worship. I don't praise praise like she thought I should praise. I don't speak like she thinks I should speak. Well, my life experiences are different than hers as yours are from mine, Dear Readers. Each one of us, are affected by lief differently not to mention that we have different personalities and made, shaped an formed the way that we are. NO ONE is better than the other! NO ONE! And God reaches each and everyone at different times in their lives and in different ways! He knows why we are apart of the congregation and families that we are! Who are we to rule anyone out! He knows the gifts he's given each one of us and how we can use them for his kingdom in and out of the company of each other you CHRISTIANS!

We are all made for a purpose that only HE really knows why? We don't have the right to say how or when or even why? according to OUR OWN views... about someone else! We have not been given that power and determination by God! Though there are many in the church that think and believe that they have this kind of power. LORD, HAVE MERCY!

You, sitting in judgement, determining in yourself whom you will allow to claim you as a "brother or sister". You choose them OUT OF YOUR CHURCH CIRCLE because you don't like their hair, their clothes, the way they speak, they way they worship, they way they sing, don't volunteer enough. You may not see them put money in the offering plat every time it pass so you get annoyed as if your money is single handily supporting the church!

You may also find yourself annoyed by the way they come late for service sometime.

My question is in all of this WHERE ARE YOU?

Why are you spending so very much time on them?

Do you not know, focusing on them is taking time from yourself being corrected in God, about you! Do you even know those folks situation?

Have you ever tried to find out? For example, if yo are so concerned about them being late, have ever bothered to give them a ride or even offered?. The sad thing is, even in spite of your thoughts of them, Gods anointing on their lives, not even YOU can deny! Yes! They may have obvious flaws, but so do you! So do we all! Still, YOU don't want to claim them as part of your Well! Shameful, I tell you! Just shameful, you haughty, vain, ungrateful being! This includes many of us! It's so true, but have you ever wondered why someone you may have invited to church won't come with you or go to any other church congregation because of the way you act, dissing (disrespecting) other Christians? Before you answer, realize that people watch what you say and do more than you may think!

While it is true, that neither biologically nor spiritually (without having known you and your relation to God ) can I claim any of you as my "true" brothers and sisters! But in the spirit of unity and for the purpose of this article, I title you as such. But there are many of us in Christ, that have an issue(s) with claiming others in Christ as their own, though many Preachers preach family to the body of Christ being united, loving family members, all of the time! "Judge ye not," "Love them", "Know them", "Pray for your brother and sister, congregants", " we need each other", support and stand with one another" , "Turn to your neighbor, turn to somebody else and say..."etc. There is even a popular gospel song that is sung throughout congregations all across the globed hat says, "I'll pray for you, you pray for me... I need you to survive. ... I won't harm you with the words from my mouth, I need you , I need you to survive."

Still there are many of us who ignore the preachings of the preachers and even of Christ. Many still ignore even as they sing this lovely song with God listening and the angels of heaven recording every word that precede out of our mouths. But God knows the heart!

SO PRIDEFUL AND ARROGANT some of us are, to think ourselves better than another even those whom Christ has called unto himself! SHAMEFUL! How we have forgotten that lest Christ came to die for EACH ONE OF US, we would have been nailed to that cross. Lest Christ had come, we born in sin nature, would continue to be wreaking with the stench of of wrong doing. WE, who God has granted such a divine and undeserved gifts of MERCY and ofGRACE still manage to pick and choose those In Christ that we deem worthy!WHO ARE WE to judge? Yes! We are supposed to be discerning! But many in the church, the body of Christ takes that right of wisdom to new heights! More than just being wise and cautious, they sit in judgement and with their voices, with their actions they unfairly and without "real evidence" except for what they "feel", they condemn others in Christ! Sometimes, many times they do it openly, among other Christians and sometimes, while evenin the church house!

Part 2 is right underneath this post.

So stay tuned!

True Believer - Sisters & Brothers in Christ, 2 of 2

See, many of us "True Believers" have have forgotten where we, ourselves have come from! We have forgotten how deep down in the much and mire or our sinful mess, that JESUS had to reach down and pull us up out of. It seems that way, because we still struggle and judge each other in Christ, further continuing to divide the church. It's not the outside, (the world) doing it. It is US! Christians, "those that proclaim anyway. It is us, tearing away at the very essence of why we are who we are in Christ and what he stands for...LOVE, patience, humility, wisdom, knowledge, compassion. Jesus also knew his place in God

(though he is the physical incarnate or extension of God), even as the Savior, the ultimate Master, Teacher, Prophet. JESUS, UNDERSTOOD HIS PLACE! More of us, "True Believers" need to understand ours! We are no better and in no position to think ourselves better than another. WE, not one of us...is JESUS! WE, not one of us, CERTAINLY are not God!

Though many of us think ourselves high above others in the world and in the body of Christ..we are in no real, such position! For your sake and for the sake of others you may be leading, be mindful, my brothers and sisters in Christ! Be more mindful of who sits high above even you!

Excuse me ...if you feel you need to. BUT, if you have been in Christ for more than a minute, then you know what I'm saying is true! In any case, the topic of who are my "Sisters and Brothers in Christ?" is a good topic to discuss. 'Cause many of us have issues about this that can help to put wedges between people in our lives and between us and God. Sitting in your judgement not being fair, prayerful, or loving is a HUGE problem for the church, as a whole! /everyone will not be on board with this, but there are many who will consciously make an effort to submit to loving their brethren according to God's will. God calls for the church to be united. STOP defying him!

For this blog, I use the Life Application Study Bible, N.I.V.

New International Version

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Wheaton, Illinois

JESUS' CRITERIA

FOR WHOSE HIS BROTHER & SISTER

SCRIPTURE

In Matthew~12: 46-50

(v.46) While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. (v.47) Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are hear standing outside, wanting to speak to you." (v.48)He replied to him, "Who is my mother andwho are my brothers?". (v.49) Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. (v.50) For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

FOOTNOTES

Matthew 12:46-40

Jesus was not denying his responsibility to his earthly family. On the contrary, he criticized the religious leaders for not following the Old testament command to honor their parents(Matthew 15:1-9). He provided for his mother's security as he hung on the cross

(John 19: 25-27). His mother and brothers were present in the upper room at Pentecost

(Acts 1:14). Instead Jesus was pointing out that spiritual relationships are as binding as physical ones, and he was paving the way for a new community of believers (the universal church), our spiritual family.

Meetta again.

Hmm. Curious! See, according to the previous scriptural passage that we've just read, Jesus didn't even just specify proclaimed Christians! (By the way, not everyone who proclaims Christianity or claim to love God, is doing God's will!)

In any case, Jesus said said, "For whoever..." Though we are taught that the main followers of Christ are those that believe and have proclaimed him as their Lord and saviour, nowhere in there did it say that you and I had to like them nor did Jesus mention any other deciding factor on this matter other than those that are doing the will of God! And HE KNOWS who is and isn't! He don't need you to tell him that! YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE A VOICE IN THE MATTER! By the way, God sees all! HE'S GOD!! Proverbs 15:3 states, "The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good."

Trust that God knows how to deal with the unrighteous, even and especially those who proclaim to be his, just as well as you trust him to deal and reward you, oh righteous one!

Though we may be Christian believers, I may not like you personally, nor you me, BUT we are accountable in our care for one another. We are responsible and held accountable in Gods eyes, how we treat, speak even how think about one another. We are to love. Most of us need to go back and investigate what love "really" means! Also, if you do have an issue with about someone spirituality you need to take that up to the Lord and while your at it, take yourself to him as well! Ask him to open your heart, fill it with compassion and "right" prayer. That he may also redirect your focus and your energy, that it may put to better use for the building up of HIS kingdom and not your own! Trust me when I say, though God is a master at teaching in the spiritual, he also enjoys creating teachers in the natural, of course, to ensure that you and

I get these valuable lessons as well! I have been taught and continue to be and boy oh boy, does it sometimes hurt this flesh of mine!

My point is though, neither yours, nor is my personal opinion of another Christian relevant to Jesus deciding who is his brother or sister! We don't get to determine who has earned the right to be called brother and sister or even his mother! Truth be told, because of the hearts of man (and women and children) if we did have that kind of power, many of us "True Believers" would have a mere few in our respectable, collective family. It would definitely be a gravely, relatively smaller group in comparison to the vast amount of people that God has had mercy on over the centuries!

So. it is then, that we as proclaimed Christians, need to be careful about whether Jesus can even claim each one of us, as his family member?

Many of us are SO adamant about who we will call or who we will let call us their brother and sister in the body of Christ, that we have been tragically and carelessly unconcerned, about the more important matter of if we are doing the will of God in our individual lives? Doing his will also includes LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. Many of us don't really love ourselves! At least according to how we treat others, including those who are also in the body of Christ right beside ourselves! Doing the will of God,

ESPECIALLY loving, so we can count it all joy knowing Jesus can rightfully claim us as his family!

"Think on these things."