MEETTA TALKS- A FAMILY MEMBER

I've survived some heinous things in my life.

It took a few miracles to pull me out of them.

For that reason, I will not remain closed mouthed.

VICTORY is what I shout about!

God gave me strength. Rescue was heaven sent.

Since I found my voice years ago, I've vowed not to remain silent.

Silence and fear ARE NOT welcome here!

"INSPIRATION STATION"

A FAMILY MEMBER

Poem by Ms. Meetta J. Martin (2002)

You are a stranger rooted in darkness.

I've seen darkness cause your eyes to glaze over

and set your mind afire.

Because you are a family member, I've had pity on you.

Alot of good it did!

Despite helping you when you had nowhere to go, food to eat,

Still you turned on me!

I tried to help you. Still you are no better off, and others have suffered.

Not you, but I and mine are the worse for it!

No more pity for you, though you are a family member.

The time for that has run out on you.

Now here I stand, in victory.

You could have destroyed me, but something more powerful kept me.

I look into your eyes, but quickly look away.

I do this even now, in my older age!

I blink once, twice, trying to shake it off, but the memories are set ablaze.

I breathe not normal breaths, more like nervous sighs.

My bravery fails me, so I close my eyes as it compels me.

I wait...as my composure I try and collect.

There are people around, some family members.

The family's banding together, brought together by loyalty (family pressure).

We gather around to face another family crisis.

I thought you were dying!

So I felt compelled to show you kindness.

Somebody there said that MY presence was a surprise,

but I know that I was expected!

Wisdom teaches that we can't fight evil with evil.

Wisdom teaches we can fight evil with kindness!

When that don't work, to prevent continued hurt,

I know it is ok to take up my sword in the name of justice.

But still, unlike you, the world, I being a child of God know that...

...My Sword, is the word of God!

He will be the one to get justice won!

Though I was there, I was still angry and disgusted in spite of this!

I was told over the years that FORGIVENESS WAS THE key

to beating my allergic reaction to you, my "MOLESTER-ITIS!"

You are talking to me without trouble.

So cheerfully expressing gratitude that I have come.

I get nauseated as you speak!

Where do your smiles come from??

While we were growing up...

...you spent much time over the years terrorizing me!

In public, in front of others, you are the sweet and caring one.

My protector!

You acted like a REAL brother to me, your little sister!

Behind closed doors, early in the morning and late at night,

you took liberal actions with me.

You treated me, not as your sister, BUT AS YOUR WIFE!!!

You stripped and put your self on me.

Never mind my protesting you see!

I guess you figured because I was young, a baby, weak perhaps,

perhaps maybe or simply because I was born a girl,

that you thought I was created to meet your devilish needs!

THE REASON?

There is NO REASON to justify your dirty deeds!

You were my brother, you were supposed to protect and truly love me, but love me like a normal brother!

After all, we were born from the same blood!

After all, we were born from the same mother!

After all, I am A FAMILY MEMBER!

It is amazing to me how many have asked me,

When they found out you raped me.

"Did you say something to somebody?"

Times were different then, when you hurt me as a kid.

The phrase "I'LL KILL YOU DEAD!" really meant something!

And Especially to a kid!

When I got grown, it still messed with my head!

So even when I got older, I still struggled to be stronger, but

not so deep down inside..I still was that timid little kid...

You even raped me when I got older...you did!

How many times, I wanted to kill you dead, EVEN after I became a Christian!!

Knowing it was wrong, my flesh failed me, but I being SO FULL of hatred still...

I prayed to God, that God would be merciful to me and HE, HIMSELF ...would kill you instead!

How much while yet in my pain, even in God, I had yet to grow

to truly escape this!

Because it started so young and Momma let it go on,

not protecting me, for a long while, I gave up inside and thought

that was the way it was SUPPOSED TO BE!

Especially considering, YOU were A FAMILY MEMBER!

As precious and Dear as I am and was meant to be,

you had no idea!

As precious and dear as I am and was meant to be,

you, my brother, misused and abused me.

Abused your own sister! Born from the same mother.

I am a family member!

So today, even while I stand before you, I'm exercising my strength.

I'm relying solely on strength from above, supporting A FAMILY MEMBER.

I remember!

Remembering to not be like you,

acting out of despicable evil with eyes glazed over, letting it control me!

I WILL NOT return evil for evil, but instead heap loads of sympathy.

In your time of need, it's not out of care and concern that I am here.

It's really out of pity!

How weak you are, though you appear to be a big burly man!

Ha! I think to myself, as I stand there surpassing you in inner strength,

Family loyalty, (I SPIT)! I owe you nothing!

Nothing but to surpass you in survival, but then again, I owe that to ME!

Meetta