WHY?
WHY NOW?
IS HE DYING?
This is what I asked my mother today, when she told me, that one of my uncles, told her he wants to bond with my 19 year old son. Said he asked her about the relationship between my son and his Dad. That he (my uncle) wanted to form a relationship with my son.
I THOUGHT WHY? WHY NOW?
See, my family has not been close for some...tough reasons. Many of which I have openly shared with you thus far. It's not like my uncle just met my son. He's known about him ALL OF HIS LIFE! Most of my family members on my Mom's side, have all lived in the same city, not more than a half hour driving from each other all of this time! He's never made an effort before to get to know my son, his great nephew! NONE OF MY UNCLES HAVE! At least they never said anything to me about it! They may have told my Aunts or my mother, but they newver talked to me about it! I AM the mother you know!
So I was wondering, what gives?
Upon first hearing this from my mother, I WAS ANGERED. Yes! I was.
My uncle and I have never really had a bond either! Because of the abuse that was done to me, by my mother and 3 of my brothers when I was a kid, that made me an outcast in my family.
I felt like one of the untouchables.
Rather than get involved while it was going on, they ignored it, gossipped about it and went on with their lives! BUT as time went on, so many untruths and ignorance about it spread so deep within my family that, I never really got a chance to get to know anybody. They never really got to know me, but that did not stop their negative perception of me! This particular uncle, along with my Grandmother and many others, never investigated! They took a hands-off position. But they judged me still.
And I was the victim!
This one uncle, even said in my presence, several years ago said about the abuse, "I don't believe it." WHY? is my question! He never asked me! He never called a family meeting (NOBODY DID!) to get my abusers between a rock and a hard place until the truth was out! HE NEVER ASKED ME! And he never made me feel like I could tell him. I never saw any compassion! But I did hear the rumors, whispers and the talk amongst them. Many times, they said things in my presence or in the other room or at a family BBQ!
I hated being around them! I hated how cruel they could be in their words. I hated that I was so desperate to get to know them. I was so desperate not to continue to feel isolated and alone, in such a big family! My Moms mother had 9 children in all and they have children who also have children. You get the point, I know! My uncle and I very rarely see each other. I hardly see any of them really! Aunts, uncles and cousins. Family secrets can do that to a family...create division. I was a family secret because of the lack of knowledge and truth about my abuse.
Anyway, this uncle also talks to me as if I'm stupid or challenged in some way, when we have spoken. The last time we spoke, was at family birthday celebration last month. He abruptly ended our conversation and moved quickly away from me. I felt so much like I wanted to leave! So tired of different treatment, even after all of these years.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! ABUSE WAS DONE TO ME! So why am I still the one paying for it?
Though, I wanted to leave (plus, my mother and one of my molesters, my brother) was there. I didn't leave, because I was NOT going to give them any power over me, continuing to divide the family. (The major reason, I talk to my mother and on occasion spend time with her, is because I had to make my peace with God about her.) "Honor thy Mother and thy Father, so that your days may be long upon this earth. ) God also commands us, to "forgive", releasing the offender from the offense. That's it, really! I'M AFRAID OF GOD!
And I want to receive his promises!
The minor reason I didn't leave because I have 4 favorite cousins that was expected to come.
I hadn't seen them in a while. I didn't want to miss them that night.
With the rest though, I NEVER FEEL comfortable being around many of them. I used to try to get to spend time and call them. I stopped several years ago really. All but one Aunt do I still call from time to time. Even she asks me questions about my abuse to try and understand. At least I think that's what she';s doing! BUT NO ONE ELSE ever really asked. Not even this particular uncle.
It angered me that HE wanted to bond with MY SON. WHY?
I have not had the chance to ask him, but I will. It just seems ...why now after 19 years of knowing my son existed AND was close by. It shouldn't matter whether my sons Dad is in his life or not! You're his uncle, his GREAT UNCLE, at that! Why was my son not so important while he was growing?
If my uncle thinks I'm strange or something, ( he apparently thinks something of his awkward treatment of me) why would he want to be bothered with my kid?
I don't trust my family. They haven't given me anything to trust!
When I tried to reach out the them, they really didn't reach back! Including this uncle!
SO WHY NOW?
Uncle probably won't like it when I ask him, BUT THAT'S MY SON we're talking about and I will protect him. My uncle's tough, but he doesn't know how tough I am too! I don't back down too easy. I've had a tough life and I'm not taking anymore crap off of anybody else ESPECIALLY THOSE IN MY FAMILY! Members of my family are the ones, who have hurt me the most!
"Where have you been Unc all this time?" I will ask.
I will stand my ground waiting for an answer and will guard my son, until I feel at ease with this situation. Again, if you don't like me or respect me, why he wants to hang around my kid, I have no idea! But I will find out, if he comes around. My uncle seems like he could be a cool guy, but like I said, I never really got to know him! Even though he was around when I grew up. But I don't what kind of lifestyle he lives! I don't know who he lived it with! I don't know what he's into! I'm a Christian, a True Believer in Christ. When I mentioned my belief system to my uncle at that last family gathering, he seemed quite uninterested. But my son is raised in the same belief system as I! Meaning, he is concerned about his "relationship" with Christ, biblical principle, character, purpose and destiny.
Anyway,...You know.. I just wonder, why after 19 years, of living in the same city, why now?
I just don't get it! About my uncle,
"Is he dying?" I asked my mother.
I don't know when I'll get the chance to ask my uncle these questions I have. But at least my son and I have talked about this. My son wants to bond with some of the family because being my son, meant he was isolated too. I didn't' want him growing up, listening to their hurtful things surrounding my life, like I did when they talked about my mother. I would not let them hurt him that way. But now I will let him decide for himself, but I will still speak up
when I have to! My son and I talk often. We are very close. After talking with him about what our uncle wants with him, tonight my son said to me, "I understand why you are skeptical. I do." He is a very smart and watchful young man. Uncle doesn't really know that about him!
Thank you, Dear Reader, for once again coming on my life's journey with me. This is what this column is about...My life's journey."
HOPE YOU GOT SOMETHING OUT OF THIS TONIGHT!
Meetta
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