"INSPIRATION STATION"
"BROKEN"
Poem By Meetta Martin (2002)
BROKEN: In pieces;
Imperfect; Ill or dispirited; Out of order
Why is it
that some people prefer you to be broken, for them to love and care for you?
Why would they want someone who is in pieces, in such bad shape, to be with?
How can someone be SO unhappy and insecure with themselves, that
a person broken in pieces, is the kind of person that they seek?
A person, one who is dependent and needy.
What is that for, validation?
Superiority?
Some people will even go so far as to challenge and break you
because you are not as needy as THEY need you to be!
I went through this with a companion some time ago.
He and I had started to be really good friends.
So close in fact that I considered him, family.
The more time we spent together though
I noticed that things were getting different.
See, I was going through some tough times.
Splitting from my sons Dad, had messed with me financially and with my mind.
But as the months went on, I had started getting stronger.
This is specifically when my friend and I started to experience rough tides.
After a few seriously heated discussions with him, my friend and companion,
I learned that he had a problem with me emotionally growing!
He said, he hurt because I no longer depended on him, I no longer needed him so much.
It validated him to know that he could "fix me", if you will.
I stared at this guy, my friend, in amazement.
I thought "THIS IS CRAZY! How could I have missed this in him".
He was sitting there telling me that he had a problem with my emotional growth
and new found strength!
I know men ant o feel needed, but this guy wanted me to remain weak!
Giving him his time to speak, I learned the it was true, so shocking to me,
that he was a person who attaches himself to people he deemed "broken",
out of order, ill or dispirited.
He wanted to "help" them put themselves back together again.
The problem was, he couldn't handle when they were able to stand on their own again.
He attaches himself to people who he thinks are broken and tries to help them
as opposed to helping AND just being with them because he simply likes them!
For him it is validation. He takes pride in his creation.
It's just that he could not deal with strength and independence.
My companion wanted me to "lean more" on him!
I tell you now as I didn't know this then,
I made a mistake leaning so heavily on my companion, my then friend.
It would have be grand had I knew back then,
to trust and call upon the name of the Lord, laying my burdens on him!
I am not meant to be broken, depending on some man,
just waiting for his chance to claim me as his "new creation".
Rather than, caring for me being gentle and kind
because his heart is full of compassion.
I don't need to lean on a man like my then companion.
Some man who is so insecure with himself, that EVEN in my pain,
he looks for validation!
The man that comes to claim me will be a man who can
celebrate WITH ME!
Celebrate the fact that I'm grown, strong and standing on my own!
Little need I say though,
back then, my companion and I soon parted ways because
he could not understand and I could not settle for...such a weak man.
Broken.
Meetta
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