"INSPIRATION STATION" is a sub-heading within my columns, in which I list my poetry. So, if you see Inspiration Station, on my blog in any of my columns, then you know a fitting poem is sure to follow! Without further adu. Here is Part 2 of...
MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGED....I WAS 17
Poem from Meetta Martin first Book of poetry
"You Can't Say That!; Poetry to Strengthen, Heal and Encourage ~2002
I really started to miss the Foster Care Home I was in, before I went to live with my Gran.
The other girls there became my sisters.
Though we didn't all like each other, there was an understanding among us.
Some of them had even gone through the same forms of abuse, that I had!
Some had it worse!
Either way pain, is pain!
Though we were not related, pain was our connecting vein.
So, together with them, I was strong AND together with them...
I was not alone.
Unlike my Gran, those girls understood my pain.
I didn't have to pretend with them.
I didn't have to ignore a certain part of myself.
I didn't have to feel ashamed.
They moved me with my Gran, because at 17, I was now too old to stay
at the same Foster Care home, that I had lived for 2 years.
But my care takers didn't understand...
that I was still in the process of healing.
I tried to get them to see what I was feeling!
But "the State has rules", they said.
"at 17, you either go with a family member or go to Independent Living."
Because my Dad was 52 when I was born, and no longer with my mother, but not married again. He was now an older bachelor man.
He didn't qualify.
He didn't know nothing about raising a teenage girl!
So, because my Gran extended her hand... the State put me there with her.
They said, that I'd be better off with family.
I tired to tell them, that even though my Gran had been all of those years, she was so blind!
Blind, completely oblivious to what happened to me, in the care of her daughter, my mother,
when I was a kid.
THOUGH my Gran loved and cared for me,
She NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME!
She never even believed me!
She didn't believe when I tried to tell her,
of the things my mother (her daughter) and 3 of my brothers had done to me.
She still didn't comprehend when one of them, called from prison, to speak to me.
I said, "not without Granny being on the other end."
When I pushed him, he admitted sexually abusing me,
(his own sister) when I was a kid.
But he would in his own words, only admit to
"one or two times, maybe three"as if that made it any better!!
For years, I was molested, neglected, verbally and emotionally abused.
I was threatened with death!
These were my family members. My own kin.
The crimes were so heinous. THIS WAS HER SEED and her Offspring!
I know she couldn't wrap her mind around it . But I would've settled for her heart!
My Granny didn't believe in me nor did she grieve with me.
SO HOW COULD SHE HELP ME!
She just treated me like I was different! It didn't feel good.
I tried to tell them, MY FOSTER CARE Staff my FRIENDS,
that my Gran's wasn't the best place for me then, but they wouldn't listen!
Not even when I tried to explain, through my tears!
My uncle Joseph was there at the meetings with my Gran.
He would drive her there. He would explain to his mother , my Gran, what was happening.
But he also sat there, egging her on.
She was to be my new Foster Parent.
My uncle, told her that the state would pay her to take care of me.
He said, "She's 17, she won't be there for long."
Yes, Uncle Joseph , I remember.
I remember because I was fighting FOR my life and you...
....You were fighting WITH my life!
I knew them that MY UNCLE JOSEPH DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME!
He just wanted more income for my Gran!
He used her concern for me.
It seemed like he was playing a game, to me.
HE USED MY PAIN, TO HELP PAY HER BILLS!
He didn't care nothing about the truth!
My uncle Joseph didn't care nothing about me needing to heal!
Most of them didn't, my family, that is.
So at 17...
With my Foster Care sisters gone, and feeling invisible at my Grans',
I no longer felt strong.
I tried to visit "my sisters" and hold on.
I even tried to carry them in my spirit, but it didn't last for long.
I tired desperately to hold on, but my spirit broke as the days went on.
It got harder to deal and one day, I could not feel...them anymore!
THEY WERE GONE!
I could not accept the way ...MY WHOLE WORLD HAD CHANGED, AGAIN!
I WAS 17.
BE BACK NEXT WEEK WITH PART 3 OF
"MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGED...I WAS 17."
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